Why Won't You Stay
by nyxie9
Summary: A sequel/tie-in to The Mercy of Fortune and Waiting for a Coincidence. If you haven't read those, this will be confusing! The story will focus on a series of phone calls and meetings between Dean and my OFC Mae. Summaries in the individual chapters.
1. Your Ex Lover is Dead

Part 1 of Why Won't You Stay?—Your Ex Lover is Dead

**Author**: nyxie9

**Disclaimer**: I still don't own the boys or the car because if I did… mmm… I've lost my train of thought. Anyway, if you recognize the characters they probably aren't mine.

**Rating**: T- for now… that might change.

**Summary**: A/N: This is part of the sequel to The Mercy of Fortune while not actually being the actual sequel. These are interstitials mostly told through a series of phone calls (all thought that might expand as the series goes on) meant to bridge the gaps between my story line and the televised story. I don't just want to stick Mae in the middle of episodes we've all seen. Plus Mae has her own life… in my head!

Begins shortly after The Mercy of Fortune and Skin... as you'll see. So I guess on with the show!

* * *

Your Ex Lover Is Dead

"God that was strange to see you again

Introduced by the friend of a friend

Smiled and said 'Yes, I think we've met before'

In that instant it started pour"

* * *

It was a strange feeling, one she hadn't associated with death. The lanky redhead had seen her share of it. More than her share in reality. This wasn't death, it was… something else. Too sanitized, almost too unreal. Her eyes drifted down to the picture again. It hadn't been difficult at all to get the crime scene photos.

Keeping an eye on the Winchesters was something that came far too easy lately. If she weren't so… paranoid, she wouldn't have even known. That was a sad statement because there were so many lives he had changed, so many people who owed their lives to Dean Winchester. So it didn't really play for her that he'd gone and killed people. Not innocent people. It didn't jibe for her.

Dean was a lot of things but a killer? Okay he was a killer but not of everyday people. And to be shot, just shot? Well it wasn't something she was going to let simply pass without issue. And why the hell hadn't anyone looked into it? Sure, there were people who wouldn't give a damn about someone with Dean's record but there were enough hunters who cared about the younger man to investigate. But from what she had heard, not a soul had been to St. Louis in that week to check it out.

That was strange. Mae frowned and took another drink. It hadn't been that long since she had seen him last and to be honest, she hadn't planned on seeing him again. Dean had wanted more, she didn't know what that might be but it scared the hell out of her. Mae wasn't prone to tears and knew it wasn't likely she would shed them now but if anyone deserved them it was Dean.

She told herself that it wasn't regret she felt. It wasn't an empty hollow feeling that had her drinking hard liquor before noon. But she didn't even fool herself this time. She missed Dean. They had shared something the last time she saw him, something that had been eroding the walls she had built so carefully. Three days in the wood, an all out fistfight and a roll of emotions that would confuse everyone had destroyed all her work.

As much as she wanted, she couldn't get over the fact that Dean liked her. It seemed ridiculous given what they faced but well, it was more common that people didn't like her or didn't care enough to find out. She furthered that by keeping everyone at a distance. She could count on one hand the people she was close to, with a lot of remainders. But that wasn't her life. This fell right into place with what she expected.

Just as she steeled herself against the tears, her phone rang. Groping for it, she frowned at the caller ID: Dean. She thought perhaps she was reading it wrong. No, it was Dean. Like some cruel reminder. She knew it couldn't be him. She blinked the gathering tears from her eyes and cleared her throat.

"Hey Sam, how you doin'?" Her voice wasn't strong enough to get more out. It in no way conveyed what she felt or what she wanted to say. She didn't ask the question casually. Sam couldn't possibly be doing well with his brother's death.

"Sam? Are you expecting a call from my brother?" She couldn't form words right then. His voice was distinct and there was no question who was on the other end. And there was no question about who's body it was in the crime scene photo. "You know I might get jealous here. Mae? Mae you still there?" Somehow she held onto the phone but did lose her grip on her glass. He chuckled at the softly muttered curse and it brought her pack to reality.

"You're dead."

Dean laughed "So you heard about that then?"

"You sound awfully casual for a dead man."

"I'm not dead."

The redhead scoffed. "I've got evidence to the contrary."

"Checkin' up on me? I think I like that."

"Listen, I don't know who you are or what you're playing at but trust me, you picked the wrong person to imitate."

He couldn't keep from chuckling. This was almost as good as seeing his own funeral. Mae was defending him. Sort of. "I'm not dead, okay and this really is me. The dead guy who looked like me wasn't me."

Her red eyebrow arched. Things made a bit more sense if that wasn't Dean who was dead. Still, Mae wasn't exactly a believer, not when it came to taking things at face value.

"Hey, Scout's Honor, Mae."

"Dude, even if you were a boy scout I wouldn't believe you."

"I have an honest face."

"No you have the face of…" Well, it wasn't an innocent face, that was for sure but she couldn't exactly find words to describe it.

"Of what?"

"So if that wasn't you dead there what was it?"

"Shapeshifter."

"How'd you kill it?"

"Quiz time baby doll? That's an amateur question." She shrugged before she reminded herself she was on the phone. "Well sweetmeat, it still stands."

He would have loved to see her. For now, he would just picture with that hard glint in her big eyes, consternation pressing her lips to a thin line and the seated bend of her long frame telling him he couldn't bullshit her. It made his blood run hot.

"Silver bullet, straight to that handsome bastard's heart. Shame to waste that face though… I mean, aside from the fact that he was ruining my good reputation."

"Good reputation? Do you forget I am… aware of your reputation?"

"Hey I may be a lady-killer but… I'm not lady killer."

"Yeah." She wanted to believe him. There was just something about Dean. While she wouldn't admit it to him of all people, he was still a hero of sorts to her and going out like that, it didn't happen to men like him.

She huffed, trying to push down the relief because she knew it might not be real. "This has been nice Dean or whoever you are but… I need proof." "What would you do for that proof Mae?" If she didn't know any better she would swear he was hitting on her. Scratch that, she knew he was but innuendo didn't prove it. "Well, for starters I probably won't shoot you."

"There's that."

"But trust me, if you aren't Dean Winchester I will hunt you down" He knew she would and in a strange way it was flattering to be threatened by her.

"Fair enough. When you realize I'm not dead, what's my reward?"

Mae smiled a bit. "Well, it'll be one fewer day you're shot."

"Aw, c'mon gimme something more." She was silent. "A phone call at least." He didn't want to beg but damned if he didn't want to talk to her. He had hoped she hadn't heard about the murder charges, his death. Of course this was Mae and she always seemed one step ahead. Made the chase interesting.

"Deal. I'll either give you a call or a bullet."

"You make it sound so sweet Miss Singer." He nearly laughed when she hung up the phone on him.


	2. Sick and Tired

Part 1 of Why Won't You Stay?—Sick and Tired

**Author**: nyxie9

**Disclaimer**: I own Mae but she has a mind of her own and she's running rampant in mine

**Rating**: T- for now… that might change.

**Summary/ Author's Note**: On with part 2, takes place right after Your Ex Lover is Dead. It's a short one but I thought I needed this explanation... it's a little sappy, a little cute and probably the least crazy that I've had Mae and Dean act together. I'm going somewhere with this, I promise! I loves me some reviews so let me know how you like it so far... is there anything you'd like to see? I know I've left some questions in this and The Mercy of Fortune but there's a reason!

* * *

Sick and Tired

"Oh baby  
What you gonna do  
Oh baby  
What you gonna do  
I'm sick and tired  
Fooling around with you"

* * *

It had been going on for a while now and getting difficult to ignore. If Mae were smart, she would have just turned it off. But then what it if were something important? She eyed her cell phone with a suspicion. Even her favorite Boz Scaggs ringtone was beginning to put her on edge. It was best she not listen to the lyric. As the phone started up its song and dance, she grabbed it off the table. "What?"

"Jeeze Mae, I was beginning to worry."

Mae frowned as she rested the phone between her shoulder and ear, picking up her gun to clean it. What was this guy playing at, she wondered. It wasn't as if they were bosom buddies now. "There's nothing to worry about."

"Do you think you could at least try to be…?"

"Try to be what?" Mae asked, a little annoyed at this point.

He let out a breath against the microphone. "I don't know. Nice maybe?"

"You want me to be nice?"

"Well… it's been nearly a month. Surly by now you've decided if I'm dead or not. And you haven't given me a call or shot me yet so…" As he trailed off Mae could feel her uneasiness grow.

"I've been busy." This was exactly why she hated talking on the phone, particularly to Dean; she didn't know where her lies were landing.

"Busy?" The word was acrid, he nearly bit it out, and his laugh was just as cutting. "That's the best excuse you can come up with?"

"Excuse me but I'm pretty sure I don't need to come up with excuses that satisfy you. I have a life too Dean. It's not like…" Mae put down the gun she was cleaning and took a breath. It hadn't taken long for Dean to push her buttons and her dropped statement left a long period of silence. "Why are you trying so hard at this Dean?"

"Because I know you."

"You don't, okay? I am someone different, you are someone different. Why pretend otherwise?"

His voice softened and became less harsh "Yeah we're both different but… we're both the same too, the important things are the same."

"And just what do you judge to be important."

She could most certainly envision the smirk on his face as he answered. "I bet you still get weak in the knees when someone sucks on that spot just behind your ear lobe."

Rolling her eyes, she was glad he couldn't see the tiny smile that showed up on her lips. "That is not one of those… important things. That's not the reason you are still trying to… do whatever you're doing, is it?"

"Maybe, maybe not but it is important for what I have planned next."

She scoffed, picking up the gun to start cleaning it once again. Just as quickly as he could bring her so close to the edge, he could push her back into her comfort zone. Talking with Dean was like playing a game of ping-pong. "You're just so sure I won't say no to you aren't you?"

"I know you won't say no. You aren't good with no where I'm involved."

She rolled her eyes. "You are really so full of yourself, aren't you?"

"Well you know from personal experience how good that can be, don't you." It wasn't a question, it was a statement. Mae had a feeling that while he was trying to get a rise out of her, there was more than a little truth in his words.

"Dude…" She shook her head even though she knew that he couldn't see her. "This is getting old Dean. I'm tired of… of not being able to just talk to you without all the..."

She felt deflated. It wasn't a new feeling. Dealing with Dean brought up so many uncomfortable issues for her, ones she was not ready to handle. And yet… he had this draw for her. Something that she couldn't hide.

"So you do want to talk to me?" He asked

"You keep calling."

"You don't tend to answer. Why did you this time?"

Truthfully, she enjoyed the banter at some level when she didn't take it personally. She knew she shouldn't. The real question was why did she? She didn't have an answer. "I went to St. Louis. You're not dead. Ignoring you didn't work so it seems to me I only have one option."

"Talking to me is a last resort?"

"Talking to you seems to be a necessary evil."

"It doesn't hafta be."

"I wish it weren't but you keep making it weird."

"Okay, fair enough."

She nearly did a double take with that one. Dean wasn't an unreasonable man but well, he was Dean and he didn't roll over like that. "So… why did you call this time?"

Dean was silent a while. It was so long that Mae pulled the phone away from her ear to check and see if there were still connected. "I seem to recall you asking me what the important things were."

Mae sighed, knowing there was something more important at hand, an actual reason he had called her but it lay behind the insinuation and misdirection. Apparently one of those things that would never change, she thought. "Yes, I suppose I did."

"And you didn't like my first answer, did you?"

Fluidly, she went back to cleaning her weapon. It was calming now that the conversation had moved into a relaxed lull. "It wasn't a real answer."

"I don't know about that. I think there are certain… fundamental things about us, as humans that are very important." Sometimes his voice simply dripped with lust. Bedroom eyes? Hell, Dean had some pretty slick bedroom vocal cords. Mae shook her head. That wasn't what she wanted to think about.

"Philosophy though sex, eh?"

"I didn't say that was about sex, I said it was fundamental things. The things you like, the things we like, those are most important."

She wasn't sure where he was headed with this but maybe he was right, maybe she could be 'nice'. At least she could make the effort to be sociable. After all, there were not a lot of people who understood the life. "Okay then."

"But you're right, there's more."

"More?"

"Yeah. Like, I know you still love thunderstorms. You probably still go out in the middle of them like a damn fool. You hate the smell of Vick's vapo-rub and you always will because… well, you know. You wouldn't tell anyone but you love the color pink." That garnered him a laugh.

"You used to love strawberry shampoo which is why I love strawberry shampoo, by the way. You don't really like chick flicks but you love stupid comedies and scifi. You love French toast with Tabasco."

"Dean…."

"What, you gonna tell me I'm totally off base on all this?"

"No, I just… you remember all this?"

"Of course."

She shook her head. "Impossible."

"C'mon, I'm an observant guy."

"I know you are." She conceded.

"You just thought I'd forget you?"

"You don't have a good track record remembering most things about women."

"Women, maybe… not you."

"What makes me different?"

"Hell if I know. You're a bigger pain in my ass than most?"

The both laughed that time. "If being a pain in the ass were all it took to keep us together…"

"Yeah… so what do you remember about me that you think is important?"

"The unchanging things? Well those are fairly obvious. You'd do almost anything to save anyone if you could and if that person mattered to you, then you would do _anything_. You can't stand rats because their tails are freakin' creepy. You can fix… almost anything. You'll never really admit…"

"What?" His inquiry was filled with desperation, as if her answer held the key to some mystery.

"You just don't see what other people see about you and so you hide it behind the worst."

"So you… you just see the worst?"

"No. I've known you too long to be fooled by any of that. I may not like it but I see if for what it is. This… this is gettin' a little deep Dean."

He cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Yeah. Listen… I should let you go."

"Wait. That's why you called?"

"I just called to chat. Talk to ya later sweetheart." Mae gave an indignant huff as he chuckled and hung up. This was going to be damned annoying she realized.


	3. Telephone Line

Part 3 of Why Won't You Stay?—Telephone Line

**Disclaimer**: Dang, I still don't own anything... well there's Mae.

**Summary**: The long awaited continuation of the relationship between Dean and Mae! This isn't a standalone, you'll need to read Waiting for A Coincidence at the very least to figure out what's going on! Another phone call between my two favorite hunters. This chapter takes place a few weeks after the conclusion of WFAC and sometime around Asylum and Scarecrow.

* * *

Telephone Line

How you feelin?  
Are you still the same?  
Don't you realize the things we did, we did, were all for real, not a dream?  
I just can't believe  
They've all faded out of view

* * *

Dean picked up the phone and scrolled down to her name. His gut twisted with a nervousness he was unaccustomed to. He dialed her number, feeling his nerves lessen at first but grow again the longer it took for her to answer and when he only got her voicemail, he felt a distinct feeling of disappointment. That feeling was more and more familiar. His teeth clenched as he listened to her recorded voice telling him that she couldn't come to the phone right then.

"Hey Red, it's…" He cleared his throat, "it's me. I uh, I guess I was just calling to check on—check in with you. But I guess you're busy or something. Again. So, yeah. Why don't you call me back soon as you can. Otherwise I'll hafta send out the search party. So, I uh… I yeah, I'll talk to you soon."

It had been like this for weeks now. At first, having left her house with a sweet but noncommittal kiss to her lips, everything had seem perfect. Except for being apart. That was worse now. He could remember when she didn't think of her much at all but now, she occupied more than just that sweet section of his memory or sometimes that bitter section. No, now she was popping up everywhere. With things as tense as they were with Sam, he had hoped that Mavis might be there for him. That damn message just wasn't enough.

He missed her, his heart ached for her. It was an unexpected feeling. Even when they had been fighting, he didn't feel this way. He wanted to be near her but was unsure why. After all, there were far more accessible women out there, women who he didn't have to be tied to. There was no way getting around his connection to her. She had a singular power to drive him insane but also to make him happier than anyone ever had. Her smiles made him smile in return, her laughter was more intoxicating than any liquor and the way she touched him filled him with a strange sense of calm mixed with excitement.

There was no other woman who made him genuinely think about wanting to be with someone. There were other women who had left an impression and just one really who had made him think about the possibility of being with someone. He didn't know if he loved her, not when he felt this way about Mavis. He felt different about her. Maybe it was because she was a normal girl, not a hunter. Of course, if Mae had shown him anything it was just how easily things could change, how simple it could be to fix something broken.

Or not. Dean shook his head. He was being to think that perhaps she had changed her mind. She was so impossibly stubborn. Even as she said she wanted to find out what might have been between them, she kept The more she claimed that there was no future, the more he felt it. It was definitely screwed up. But so was most of his life. She made him feel at least a little normal. It was something only a fellow hunter could make him feel. A normal girl would only point out just how peculiar he was.

Now, he was only allowed to have part of her. He told himself he should have been satisfied, it was better than nothing and it was more than he had ever had before. Still… he could not shake the feeling that if he just tried a little harder he could have it all. It wasn't a lot to ask for in the course of his life. Was it? No one lost anything, no one got hurt if he and Mae were more than friends, had more than the occasional night together or the handful of jobs they worked. So he kept chasing after her

* * *

Mavis couldn't put her finger on why she felt her heart sink whenever Dean called now. Lord knew she wanted to be able to stop feeling that way. She listened to his message, more than once. She didn't want to, at least not the second or third time. But despite her convictions that this was all some sort of a mistake, a bad idea, she couldn't stop missing him. The sound of his voice, even as tongue-tied as it was, made her heart quiver. She wanted him in ways… ways she didn't even want to label.

Sometimes she could see herself with Dean, hunting, living, loving. It was something she wanted. They were so good when they were together. She felt whole, she felt safe. And it felt wrong. Not being with Dean but being happy with him, being happy because of him. It wasn't right. Whatever he wanted made her more and more uncomfortable the longer she was alone with it. When he was with her, it all made sense but apart she thought it all seemed so stupid.

That wasn't what she wanted. She wanted her head and her heart to get together on this. She missed him but she knew it wasn't practical to be with him. It wasn't wise to be with him and it was so hard to be apart. The only thing that made it easier was not talking to him. Evidently, he did not feel the same way.

If he had called about a case, she could have pretended it was just work and still see him. It was a strange sense of selfishness that left her wanting him without having to commit to him. Dean might go for that but he tended to press her towards something more long term. That left her with one choice; she had to ignore Dean until he got the point

Right now, it wasn't working. He serious when said he'd come looking for her if she didn't call him back. So she would either breakdown and call him or he'd show up on her doorstep. As much as she wanted to see him, she knew that had would have given him the control to sway her.

It hurt to deny what was already so clear. He was a part of her heart and dare she say it, a part of her soul. They were trying to work things out and fix things between them. She honestly wanted to find away but she felt like she was on dangerous footing with the other hunter. Summoning up her courage, she tried to steal herself against Dean's charms.

* * *

"Hey," Her voice was a lot breathy and just a little hesitant. He tried to ignore the hesitation and focus on the romantic, sensual timber of her speech.

Dean smiled to himself, relived that she had finally called him back. It hadn't taken her too long. All the excuses he had made up to pacify his nagging sense of doubt were finally true, he thought. He rationalized it and somehow that made it seem sensible. "Hey, yourself. I was starting to worry."

His tone was light, easy and happy. Thank God, she thought that she couldn't see his face. That might have broken her heart if had to watch her break his. "No you weren't."

Her voice was a bit strange, a little cold he thought but perhaps he was reading into something with her. There could be something going on, a case or something. Perhaps she wasn't feeling good or something so he ignored it and decided to tease her a little. "Yeah, I know the kind of trouble you get into. What would you do without me?"

His game wasn't going to work, she needed to stick to her guns. "I was… busy."

What was wrong with her, he wondered. Was it him? Was it her? He wanted to wait until she told him but he thought he might have to talk it out of her. "Yeah, you've been busy a lot lately. A lotta cases or something?"

She sighed. "You know the job."

"I do, I do. So…" There was a long, telling pause. Neither of them willing or wanting to make the next move. Dean didn't like it. "What the hell is this Mae?"

She'd gotten his ire up which was a tipping point she knew. He'd either give up or try harder. She just had to figure out a way to get the man to stop trying. "What's what?"

"Don't…" his first instinct was to raise his voice, yell but he wanted to be calm for the time being, "you know what I mean."

"I really don't know what you're talking about. I've been busy. You know, this work doesn't do itself."

"So that's how you're going to play this?"

Annoyance started to creep into her previously cold and unattached tone and words. "Dude, I'm not playing at anything. You've been calling me like crazy. Is something wrong? Do you need help or something? Or is this just a social call."

His eyes narrowed. He was convinced now that she wasn't just in a bad mood, she was being purposefully evasive and rude. And he didn't know why. There wasn't anything he could think of that he had done to put her in such a mood. "Well, am I just wasting my time here?"

"What would wasting your time look like?"

"Okay what the hell is going on here Mavis? All I know is things were going fine, we were actually acting like adults and trying work out ou issues. I thought we were having a fun time at it too. I was under the impression that we actually liked each other. If you don't feel anything-"

She cut him off and tried to get straight to the point she thought he was trying to make. "We've already established that I do. What is it you're looking for here? A girlfriend, a wife? You wanna make a lot of babies you can raise up to be hunters? Huh? Is that what you want? Because if it is, then I can't give that to you. I can't be any of that. I can however be your partner. We can hunt together, hang out together, even have some fun from time to time. None of that means I care about you any less."

"Wow, that's a nice little speech Mae but not even remotely my point. I mostly meant that communication is a two way street and you've shut yours down. I was just looking for a sign and you know maybe I got it. You don't want to talk to me and when you finally make the effort, you're in a pisser of a mood. I don't really care to chase after rejection with you."

That was it she decided. All she had to do was keep her voice even and stony. "Maybe you shouldn't call me anymore."

It was the hardest thing she had ever had to stay to him because while she knew that she had done a number of things that hurt him in the past, she had never set out to do so, not so overtly. And she knew she had hit the right mark with his silence.

Damn, Mae had dealt some low blows but they were usually reserved for fights where the traded potshots and harsh words without meaning them. This, he could tell she meant. Something had happened between them at her house and during that whole case. They had touched on that magic that had been a part of their old relationship. It wasn't perfect, they'd have to work but he was willing to do what it took to get to the place where they could just be close again. Apparently Mae did not see things the same way.

"You really want that Maeby? You never wanna talk to me again?"

"I didn't—yes." She had to lie to correct herself. Her first denial had just popped out of her mouth without any thought to it, "I think maybe we should stop talking for a while."

"Well, you've really been working hard at that lately."

"I thought you might take the hint."

"What I thought was when things got tough we'd try to ride it out. I thought we would be smarter than this and I really thought you wouldn't just give up."

It was a calculated move and Mae knew she shouldn't have reacted but she couldn't help it. "I'm not giving up Dean. I'm just saying I need some space."

"You've got nothin' but space sugar. You know, we could actually talk about whatever is bothering you."

She shook her head. "I don't want to talk about it, not with you and not now. What I want is just some time, some space. I'll call you when I'm ready."

"I doesn't work like that. I don't just jump when you say jump."

"Then I guess it doesn't work Dean."

"Bullshit, Mae!"

"What did you expect?"

The woman knew just what to say, just what buttons to push and he couldn't stand it. He was mad now and he had to take a breath, he had to find a way to not lash out at her. "I just… okay, you know what, we do need some time or we're going to say something we both regret."

She was quite, didn't respond to him. "So it I give you your… space, do you think you can at least call me back when you're ready to talk?"

Again she was silent for too long before she said. "That's fair I suppose. Later Dean."

* * *

A/N- Aww, poor Dean! I'm sure that wasn't what everyone expected but I promise, it'll all make sense! Love it, hate it... I love to hear from you so R&R. And look for the next chapter of Why Won't You Stay, Where's My Woman. Yay!


	4. Where's My Woman? Part 1

Chapter 4 of Why Won't You Stay?—Where's My Woman Part 1

**Summary**: In case you haven't been following the whole series, this comes after The Mercy of Fortune and Waiting for A Coincidence. This lovely installment takes place a few weeks after Telephone Line and during Faith

* * *

Where's My Woman

Sleepin' in a blue dress  
You never used to do this  
Where's the woman I love?  
She's making some excuses  
Busy makin' money  
She doesn't even want me  
If I touch her in the morning, I use up another warning  
But knowing what I know still a side won't let go

* * *

Her normal screening process was nonexistent so when her phone rang, she simply answered it. " 'lo?" She offered as a sleepy greeting.

"Mae?"

She blinked and sat up in bed, inexplicably turning on the light as she registered who was on the other end of the line. When she realized who it was, she was a bit confused because without exception it should have been Dean calling. "Sam? It's late. Usually-"

"It's Dean."

There was a tightness and a hint of alarm in his voice, she noted but oddly enough it didn't overly concern her. She yawned sleepily. "Honey I'm sure he'll be back by morning. If he's not call-"

"He's been hurt."

It wasn't what she expected; it wasn't even something she feared. Dean was, in her opinion, invincible. That was something from her youth that hadn't diminished with time and now with those three words, her mind was reeling with the possibilities of what that meant. Her heart tightened in a way she didn't find reassuring. "What? What happened?"

"A hunt, it went… bad and…" Sam paused, searching for what to say all that came out was his honest, raw fear, "I don't know to do. Mae, I just don't know what to do."

He had to keep clearing his throat, pushing down that emotion that was all too close to the surface. Sam was more willing to reach out like this. Dean might have waited longer but she thought perhaps he would have called her too at this point, for Sam, even if things were tense between them. Either way, it meant things were bad.

Because she hadn't said anything right away, Sam began to explain more and try convince him. No words could have compelled her more than the tremble in his voice. She made a shushing sound, throwing the covers back as she got out of bed. Any notion that she could get back to sleep was gone. "Okay Sam, it'll be okay."

It didn't placate him very well. "I've been calling around, trying to find someone…. I uh, I'm gonna try Dad again. He won't pick up."

"Alright honey." Her voice was very kind, very maternal as she spoke."Just… calm down a second. Where are you guys now?"

"Hospital."

"Okay, um so I don't have to drive to every hospital between here and the coast, could you give me a little more detail where you are?"

"Yeah, yeah… sorry." He told her where they were and it wasn't exactly close but she could push her way across the Midwest to get there. "I—just hurry."

"Sam… I… is he really that bad off?"

"His heart, the doctors say… he probably has a few weeks, maybe a month." He took a pained breath. "Mae if you know any way to save him…"

"Hey I don't want to see him go down on the job either but all I have is paramedic training, field medic sort of stuff. I'm not a doctor, if they-"

"I mean a spell, a witch doctor, something."

And she was quite for a while. She pinched the bridge of his nose. A part of her ran though the spells and everything else she might have known but none of them were too pretty or clean. "Sammy, I don't think that's a good idea. We shouldn't… if you and I set that sort of thing into motion, tampering with the natural order of things—"

"Screw natural order! This is my brother we're talking about here, Dean. The man you love! Wouldn't you do anything to save him?"

He wasn't pulling his punches. More accurately he was being manipulative and damned if it didn't work. "I… yes but not something that would… I don't know anything that would do that without turning him into something evil and I won't do that to him."

"Fine. I'll do it myself." Sam hung up the phone, anger clear in his last word to her.

* * *

When Dean heard the footsteps in the hall, the last person he thought they'd belong to was Mavis Singer. But there she was, standing in the doorway. She wore faded jeans, those perpetually scarred boots, a soft looking green t-shirt and her suede jacket. Her hair brushed over her shoulders, red accenting the camel color of her jacket. God, she was gorgeous. There was no other way to describe her.

It made his gut twist. His worry increased and despite his best intentions made that excitement he always felt when he saw her bloom again. His smile was barely there but the heart monitor gave him away as it because beeping faster when he saw her. "Mae."

"Dean."

She couldn't even give him a fake smile. There was no was she could when he was lying in that hospital bed. He looked terrible. He looked worse that sick, worse than injured. Her thoughts must have read clearly over her face because his smile faded with a sigh. "Oh god, I must have died if you came all the way here."

The smirk that settled on her face was more pitying than anything else. She shook her head, pulling the chair closer to his bedside without invitation. "Not quite."

Her one or two word answers were irritating, disconcerting. It was like she was here to pay her final respects. After their last conversation, he'd held out hope that she would simply come around and call him but she hadn't. He didn't think the attraction, the draw was just on his end. She had to feel something but she was so good a shutting it down. Frankly, he wanted to fight with her. At least that would have felt normal. "Well you look like crap, Red." He quipped.

"Gee, thanks."

Her expression was just too somber. Even if it were an accurate assessment, he wanted her to do him the favor of hiding that. He would have masked his nervousness for her. "You do. I mean I'm the one who just rode the lightning and I bet you I look better than you."

Her mouth tightened. "I drove all night to get here, ingrate."

Grinning, he was glad he could goad her back into her usual ornery persona rather than the sweet pitying one. He didn't mind her trying to take care of him or even being kind to him but if she was treading to delicately now. He knew this was the end of the line but he didn't want to have her act like it. "You could have at least done your make up or put on something skimpy. After all I'm supposed to be on the mend."

The redhead finally cracked a very faint smile and that tightness in her shoulders lessened. She still wasn't sure how she was supposed to act yet. It wasn't just because he was in the hospital; it was because they hadn't left things on the best of terms. To be fair, she hadn't left things on the best of terms. He had been more than willing to… figure things out with her. Dean wasn't the bad guy, he was actually trying to be a good friend.

"I really didn't expect to see you here, Mae."

She shrugged, easing out of her coat now. "Sam called me and told me you were hurt. What would you expect me to do?"

Dean was still feeling snarky, a little manipulative when he spoke. "Ignore it, like all of my calls. Tell him you needed _space_."

While he wanted her to come up with some sort of spectacular excuse that put her distant behavior over the last few days into perspective, she only nodded. "I guess that's fair enough. I uh, I wasn't… well hell I didn't expect this."

"So… why are you here now? Just because I'm dying."

"Yes."

Suddenly, he was reminded that she had been so distant and still was. It was like she was just going through the motions here and he didn't like it. "I guess you've seen me, I've seen you and I can kick the bucket."

Why the hell couldn't she just say or do the right thing? The both wondered it but only one of them was hoping it would somehow change with the blink of an eye. Her eyes closed and she pinched the bridge of her nose. She wanted to tell him that she came because she thought he might die and if they had to have a last conversation, it wasn't the one that they had a few weeks ago. That sounded crass. She decided to go with another kind of honesty. "Turns out I had a harder time walking away this time."

"Well how nice for me."

It was hard to say Dean way pouting. After all, it wasn't him who started pushing away the first chance he got.. Not that it changed the way she felt. She still needed time to think about things, to figure them out. "Your brother's really worried and you can't hold my needing space against me. That doesn't mean I don't care about you."

It was hard for him to believe that because he knew he wanted to be with her. He didn't need the time, the space to figure things out. He was willing to figure it out as they went and fight it out if need be. He didn't know how she could do it, it was driving him crazy. "You have a funny way of showing it."

"You know you act like you were the only one who was ever hurt during our relationship. You act like I somehow went on this rampage to trample your feelings. Well, I did get hurt and I have stuff to deal with. I'm not always okay and it's hard to keep all that from surfacing when I'm with you. I don't want it to blow up in my face so I need to take a step back, I need some room to breathe because you have the ability to make me forget about everything else."

Dean frowned as he realized that he had been far more vocal about the issues, about his side of things but she hadn't even said anything. She hadn't and didn't want to talk about them but they still bothered her. It bothered her so much that it left her worried about what would happen if she didn't deal with it. That of course made him think that she was keeping a big secret from him again. Not that there was much to do about it then. She was here because he was dying.

He hated that slow creep of sympathy for her that he felt when he looked at her. He wasn't going to apologize. He was still a little angry but mostly hurt by her perceived rejection. Maybe she hadn't been trying to bail as much as he thought. It was far too easy to soften to her. "You look good Mae." He said most sincerely this time.

That delicate red brow quirked and so did her smile, eyes letting that strange mix of anger, pity, hurt and affection to ease more towards simple affection. "One of us has to because you look like shit."

He laughed slightly but watched with skepticism as she stood now to sit on the edge of his bed. "I really am surprised you came. You didn't have to."

"Sam called me." It was the simple truth and she suspected the prone man didn't realize that all he had to do was ask and even through complain and harassment, she would still end up coming wherever he, or in this case Sam, asked her to come.

"He convinced you to come?"

She shook her head, the red hair shifting in a way that made him want to bury his face against her neck."No, I mean he told me you were here but it didn't take much convincing. I couldn't… I wouldn't just ignore this."

"Yeah well, sometimes you get the bear, sometimes the bear gets you."

There was a morose sentiment to her tone, the fall of her face and that look in her blue grey eyes. "I guess."

It was disheartening that she seemed to just accept it. Sam was hell bent on finding something, _anything_ that would fix him but Mae seemed more pragmatic. "What no pep talk? No, 'Dean I've come to save you?'" To be honest, he'd take it if she had something up her sleeve.

She shook her head. "My area of expertise is more in the demon, ghouls, ghosty sort of thing. Not trouble with your ticker."

Dean chuckled only because she laid her hand over his. It lingered before she seemed to realize that she was doing it, that she couldn't help but touch him. "Well in that case, I guess the only thing left is for you to give me my final lap dance and let me die happy."

He looked incredibly cocky and self-assured despite the way he was feeling. How odd, she thought that there were certain things that didn't change for that man. "Your final lap dance?" She asked incredulously, "that is so not a thing. I'm not here to give you a lap dance."

"Lap dance, strip tease… whatever gets you naked. That would be my dying wish."

"Dean," She said, leaning forward, almost invitingly close, "just because this isn't my scene doesn't mean that I doubt your brother for a second. You're not gonna die."

He closed his eyes as her breath made a hot caress over his ear. He shivered, tried to keep his tone even but once again the heart monitor gave her away. "Yeah that's what I keep hearing but I'm seeing as I'm no Steve Austin and you didn't show up with my 6 million dollars, I'll have to take my chances. Of course, if Sammy doesn't figure it out, you could at least make it a fun death. Hell, you're the hottest thing in this whole hospital."

"I'm sure he's checking out some leads and we're not going to let you go down without a fight. But I'll tell you what, just to humor you, if we don't figure something out, I'll get naked and can die happy."

"Well then, I guess I should die more often, it seems to get me what I want from you." He waggled his eyebrows when she frowned, "So if I'm dying you'll sleep with me?"

"No, no. You just said naked. I have a strict rule about not doing anything thing that ends up with a dead dude under me."

"Who says you're that good?"

"Well you sure as hell won't find out."

His teasing was beginning to border on weird and would probably veer off into a direction he wasn't ready for. He wasn't sure why he kept trying tease her that way when it was only fun before it stumbled into uncomfortable desire. So he changed the topic. "Are you at least gonna bust me out outta here?"

"No."

That surprised him. He thought she would at least do that, help him out a little. If they couldn't make him better, there was no reason to sit around and wait for his heart to finally give out. "Why not? It's not like you love hospitals."

"Yeah but I can make a break for it without keeling over. So when you can do that, I'll assist you in your escape."

"You got so many rules baby. I hate it here."

That part was pouting, she thought with a little smirk. "No one expects you to like it."

His eyes drifted from the woman to the television as he contemplated what to say to her next. Did he want to unpack this or did he just want to be grateful, take solace in the way she warmed up when they were together. And she did, in ways she wasn't even aware of. He saw it in the way that she had to pull back the softness in her eyes that would linger or the way she positioned herself closer, the way she would touch him on instinct only to have to tap that instinct down when she took note of it.

She didn't hate him. He could almost see that she felt the same way about him that he felt about her but she believed whatever it was in her head that told her it was a bad idea to feel that way. At times, he felt that too but more because he knew loving her meant that he risked hurting her or losing her since he was a hunter. Hers seemed to that she would lose or hurt him because of who she was, not what she did.

"I'm glad you're here."

Her chuckle was bitter but those blue grey eyes were a little hopeful. "Really? Because you seemed kinda pissed."

"I don't like getting shut out. It's not a problem that you wanted or needed space but you could have told me why a couple weeks ago. You don't think I get being screwed up? You don't think I get how it would feel if we fucked this up again? You could have just said that."

She shook her head. "It's not just that. You uh, I don't think you know just how screwed up I am and just how screwed up us having a relationship would be. And you have this way about you where it short circuits my normal thinking process and I just get all… girly about you."

"Like I'm gonna complain about that."

"That's just it. See, in the short term, I don't think I'd care but… it'll come back, it will and I don't want to start hating you or me because of that."

Sighing, he looked her straight in the eyes. "Well sweetheart, short term is all we've got going for us right now."

It made her face fall even though it hadn't been particularly cheery right then. Her hand lay on top of his again, only this time she didn't pull back right away. "Don't talk like that."

"Hey, it happens, you and I both know it does so there's no use holding back now. If there's something you wanna tell me, better tell me now."

As much as his brother believed that there was a way to save him and wouldn't give into any other notion, Mae wouldn't tell him what she needed to tell him, not yet. Not yet. So she went with deflection.

"I wasn't distancing myself to punish you. You have to believe me."

He wanted to believe her because that would have been far nicer than any of his assumptions. He wanted to believer her because he wanted to think of Mae as the kind of woman who wouldn't lie to him ever. "Well, the last time that you said you were okay and then we went our separate ways, we didn't talk for five years. You had to realize that maybe I might think that was what you were trying to do here. You know I was really trying to be a friend here and... I didn't think I was doing a bad job of it."

"No, you weren't."

"So what is it really?"

She would have cursed if she didn't know it would give him a perverse pleasure in knowing that he'd trapped her, seen through her smoke screen. "It doesn't matter does it? You're all keen on dying."

"Oh come on baby, don't be like that. You can't blame me for not being able to bounce back from being electrocuted." He said, turning her words around on her.

"I'm not blaming you for anything, I'm just saying you being dead sort of changes the equation doesn't it?"

Dean shrugged as he studied her face. "You could at least tell me the truth, what scares you so much, just to make me feel better."

"If you don't die. I'll tell you then."

His eyes narrowed as his brow arched skeptically over her offer. "You're a tease."

"Oh no, teasing would have been me coming here in my catholic school girl uniform."

Again, the discussion shifted back into that uncomfortable, pseudo sexual area that left him thinking about what was happening between them. "Oh now you're just being cruel."

* * *

A/N-Ta da! That's just the first half of Where's My Woman. I'll have the other half of the story posted shortly. I hope you're enjoying these in-between pieces before the next big story! As always I love reviews so fill my life with a little extra joy (okay, a lot!) by letting me know you're reading this stuff.(Also, check out some of the songs the chapters of Why Won't You Stay are named after, they're awesome!)


	5. Where's My Woman? Part 2

Why Won't You Stay?—Where's My Woman- Part Two

**Summary**: In case you haven't been following the whole series, this comes after The Mercy of Fortune and Waiting for A Coincidence. This lovely installment takes place a few weeks after Telephone Line and during Faith. I've skewed the timeline of the episode a bit for my own devilish purposes but then if you were all purists, you wouldn't be reading this!

* * *

The knock on the door startled him but what was even more surprising to Sam was that Mae was on the other side. "You came."

She offered Sam a gentle smile, nothing too bright but welcoming and kind. "You seem surprised."

He was a little sheepish in his explanation. "Well, I did yell at you earlier."

Mae shrugged as she stepped inside the motel room, tossing her bag on the free bed. "It's not like I didn't understand why. Besides, it's Dean."

That made him smirk, taking in her somewhat ruffled look, mussed hair, wrinkled clothes, and tired eyes. But she was still there because of his brother. He knew there was something between those two. "Yeah… I'm still trying to find a way to fix him."

"Sam…"

There was a lot in that one word, a lot he didn't want t hear. "Don't start, please? I just… I can't just let Dean die."

"I know that. And I'm with you on that one but you play with fire, you're gonna get burned. This isn't like a vengeful spirit or a demon. It's… it's physical."

"I know!" He sighed and tried to moderate his voice, "I know. But Mae, he would do anything to save me, to keep me safe. How can I do anything less?"

She placed her hand gingerly on his arm. "I don't think anyone was asking you to do that."

Sam frowned, feeling his heart sink just a bit. "But you won't help me, will you?"

Her hand dropped as she wandered over to the bed, glancing over the materials he had spread out over the bed. "Of course I will. I came here, didn't I? I don't want to save him the wrong way." She picked up a book on necromancy, frowning before setting it back down, "I mean there are all kinds of things we could do to try to cure him or bring him back if he dies but we wouldn't end up with our Dean, just a shell. That's not saving him."

"Right, I know that. I'm not talking about making him something evil but there's gotta be a spell or something out there that can heal him, something. I just… I'm not quitting."

Mae turned back to the younger man who despite his height looked very much like a child right then. She put her hand on his shoulder, squeezing reassuringly. "Good. I'm right there with you."

Not that he wouldn't appreciate her help but he was left thinking about his brother and what it would mean to him to know that Mavis showed up. "You should go see him."

"Yeah I already did which by the way, you might want to tell me who you are when I come to a town so I don't have to claim to be your sister but don't remember my own name. We had our standard fight, then I came here so everything's all… awesome." She gave him a tight smile accompanied by a double thumbs up.

"He's really missed you."

"We've spent a hell of a lot longer apart than the past few weeks."

Which was why Sam knew it bothered his brother and made him worry, made him wonder if this was one sided. "I think he's trying to keep that from happening again. You may not have noticed but he's a little different now, since dad's gone missing and since the two of you hooked up again."

The look on her face bordered between confusion and amusement. "When did the two of us hook up? Because believe me we are not counting spell sex." She said with a pointed look.

"No I mean when you got back to your house."

More amusement crept into her stare and she almost laughed. "Is that-Did he tell you that? Did he tell you we had sex?"

Sam wasn't entirely sure what he was supposed to say, did he tell the truth of did he try to preserve the peace? Her eyes were piercing and didn't leave any room for him to lie. "Well, no," he cleared his throat as she kept her eyes locked on his, "not exactly. When I asked him if he slept with you, he said yes."

Mae grinned and laughed. "Yeah dude," she shook her head, imagining how that scene went down, finding it amusing, "at the risk of your big brother's rep, all we did was sleep."

His laugh was skeptical and a little conspiratorial all at the same time. Of course, knowing his brother, he had every right to be. "Really? Sleep?"

She confirmed it again. "Just sleep. In between my throwing up and night sweats and… being generally unpleasant, yeah. I mean, he can be a pig and a horn dog but I wasn't exactly in any shape to be his type. And… he's pretty into consent so, nothing happened."

He really didn't understand the woman. She could be impossibly stubborn, even by the measure of his own family. It was obvious that "Then what's the deal Mae? Why are you acting like this?"

"You mean driving all the way out here because you told me your brother was in trouble or trying to help him without screwing things up?"

Sam shook his head. "I mean before that. I mean not giving him the time of day. You have any idea what it's like when he's like this?"

Her smile was weak and she understood where he was coming from. "Like I've told him I haven't been avoiding him to be cruel. I haven't even been doing it because I don't like him. I like talking to him. Hell, your brother is probably one of the few people I genuinely like. But this is more complicated than that and honestly, I think I'm allowed to have some time to myself and be allowed to keep some things to myself."

He couldn't deny that he agreed with part of what she said. He felt the same especially since he'd been hunting with his brother. It was stressful enough dealing with interpersonal stuff without the added pressure of the job. That didn't change the underlying issue, at least the way Sam saw it. "But you love him."

Because she had spent so much time arguing the point with no success, convincing neither herself or apparently anyone else, she sighed. "But I love him. That why I actually called him back, it's why I came here. I know I haven't been exactly fair but I just couldn't."

It wasn't pity he felt for her or his brother, two people so obviously in love with each other but so unable to come to terms with it. No he felt more commiseration and lament for the way they were raised. A part of him understood how difficult it was to accept that feeling when you were taught not to. "You should be telling him that, not me."

"Sam… it's not that simple."

To Sam, it was. He believed that they had the important parts if they would just try to let go of their fears. "He loves you too Mae. And he's love you since… well I think forever."

She wished she had that same idealism about that notion of love. She wanted that to make it worth the risk. But that wasn't there for her, it wasn't in her heart. "I know. It's just… I'm messed up."

"Obviously. Who here isn't?"

There was more than a little truth to it, they both knew and that gallows humor was reassuring. "Not just hunter messed up but… okay you know how we all grew up and you know how Bobby was like a father figure to you too?" He nodded, "well, your dad was like my own dad so I mean… I've got some baggage there. Being influenced by some sort of spell or hex doesn't negate the way I used to feel about the man, it makes it worse. And I've got some issues from having my insides ripped apart too. I don't think I should be getting his hope up."

He took a step closer and gave her his best puppy dog eyes. "Don't you think he deserves this little explanation?"

Mae closed her eyes resting her forehead against her hand a moment. "Of course he does. I've given him parts of it and the rest will come in time. But you know how he gets about family and togetherness and all that. I want to believe that what we feel is enough but I don't think that any love or affection I have for your brother makes it possible for me to ignore my issues."

As if she was noticing for the first time that she was talking with him, telling him at least the basics about her inner workings, she physically shook her head and drew herself back together. "I _really_ shouldn't be telling you about all this. Aren't you all gung-ho about finding yourself a spell or mambo priestess to work the hoodoo over Dean?"

It was easy to forget the pressing matter. Well, not easy but talking about Dean with Mae often led into talking about them together. When she wasn't being defensive or avoiding the issue, it was nice to see that someone cared about his brother. And he hated to admit it sometimes but he liked her and he liked the idea of her with Dean.

Sam now smirked a little. "Aren't you kind of a mambo priestess?"

A quizzical look painted her face. "What makes you think that?"

He met her look with a skeptical one. "Well, for one I've seen your house and book and for two I've seen you work and oh yeah, I'm not an idiot."

She supposed it was hard to hide those things from people who not only knew about them but at the very least dabbled in it. It would have been fairly obvious she thought. "Okay maybe you're right but I'm no mambo, not a _real_ real one anyhow. Besides even if I worked the perfect spell, if it's his time-"

He didn't want to hear any of it. He wasn't going to hear any of it. "What about your connections? You've got to know something or someone who might know something."

There wasn't a way to dissuade Sam from his path and perhaps that was for the best when it came to Dean so she nodded. "I'll put out the feelers."

For a moment, he thought she was going to say not and keep up the strong front. He thought she might not actually try and help out. But she agreed to help and even that small offer was enough to ease his worry. "Thank you."

Her eyes lingered a minute, not entirely ready to get down to work yet. "Sam. can I ask you one last thing?"

"Sure."

"Why did you call me?"

Shrugging, he felt a little awkward about the question in the first place. "You always answer."

She nodded and it was enough, more than enough really. There wasn't any reason that either brother should still trust her, still see her as a resource or friend. Perhaps it was the desperation of the situation but it still meant something she thought. "Damn, did anyone ever tell you, you Winchester boys are irritatingly convincing?"

Sam just smirked before he took his place back on the bed amongst the books and Mae took the other bed, digging through her bag for her spell book. The looked over very thing they could between the books, websites and any hunters they could reach. It was distracting when he made that painful call to their

The only thing that disturbed them from the scatter of phone calls asking for some leads or their search was the unexpected knock at the door. Like when Mae had showed up, Sam grabbed his gun as he approached the door. Mae stood from her spot at the table, stepping out of sight but readied as well with her weapon. It was completely an instinctive move, having been drilled into them from youth. After a short exchange of nods, Sam opened the door.

Again he was surprised by finding his brother there, barging in to the room and complaining about staying somewhere that was lacking in hot nurses until he caught sight of Mae. He looked at her, mesmerized. "Mae, what are you doing here?"

Her heart ached, looking at him like that. He was so pale and pasty, his eyes were sunken and he didn't carry himself with his usual ground eating stride and presence. It made it far more difficult to pretend like he would be okay. The redhead shrugged, turning to place her gun on the table. "Still pretty much the same thing as before. Except you know, in a motel room."

He shrugged off his brother's help before sitting in the nearest chair. He shifted his eyes toward her, his expression carrying hurt, exhaustion, accusation and more than a little relief. "I thought you would have left."

She tried not to sound angry or hurt but she felt a little bit of both. But more she felt guilty because his supposition wasn't completely unfounded. "Did I tell I was leaving? I'm pretty sure I've always told you what I was going to do."

Most of the time she did, usually the bad things were shouted at him and usually he didn't want to hear them. So Dean nodded, not wanting to fight. It was nice, knowing that forever reason, she had stayed. It didn't really matter why she stayed, just that she had. He was secretly elated to find her here, working on this with Sam. It would have been somewhat crushing had she only visited him to leave soon after.

He let his gaze wander over the planes and angles of her face, the fall of her hair around her face, down her shoulders. He looked down the swell of her chest and flat of her stomach, the flare of her hips and her long, impossibly long legs. It was a shame she was fully dressed in those masculine boots, jeans and far too many shirts. She had grown up nice, filled out in all the right places. If he had ever imagined that she'd look like this back in the day, he would have worked harder to mend fences earlier.

She caught him ogling her, there was no other word for it and he only offered her a saucy grin at her sharp stare. "You look really good, babe."

"Just once, I'd like you to think about _one other_ thing for one second."

"I'd love it if you brought me a bacon cheese burger." He said with a grin, "served up between your breasts." He added.

"I guess that's instead of your lap dance I guess."

Sam looked between the two of them, a little confused and a little uncomfortable by whatever was going on between them. "Do I want to know?"

"No." Mae and Dean replied simultaneously.

"Okay good, I'm going get ready for bed then."

There wasn't anything left to do that night. Before Dean showed up, Sam got a call back with a tip about something that might help Dean. A faith healer of all things. Of course, Mae was hardly a skeptical one when it came to traveling healers, faith or otherwise but more often than not, they were bogus. But this one seemed to be the genuine article. The two hunters discussed more how Dean would react to it rather than whether they should check it out or not.

They would be going to the faith healer in the morning and while Sam told him they had found a specialist, they both knew Dean would veto the whole thing if they told him the truth. Sam had begged her not to say a word to his brother after they had decided that it was worth a shot. She didn't need to be asked to know that they wouldn't have a chance if they raised Dean's suspicion.

But now, they didn't have anything else to do but catch some sleep, leaving Mae with a bit of a conundrum. Now that Dean was out of the hospital, back in the motel she realized she was out of a bed. Odd, how she thought sharing a room with Sam was natural, practical but with both brothers there, she felt uncomfortable.

Sam had gone to the bathroom with his arms full of necessities, leaving Mae and Dean alone in the main room. His hungry stare hadn't left her as edgy as the one he wore now did. "I should get my own room."

"You were planning to stay here before right?"

She tucked her hands into her pockets, looking away. "Yeah but you're here now and… neither of us want to share a bed with your brother." She said, trying to joke but ended up sounding all the more nervous.

He took her hand in his and shot her what she would absolutely qualify as sex eyes as he spoke. "You and I'll share. Wouldn't be the first time."

His eyes were met with an equally withering look. "That might get you overly excited." She said deadpan.

"Believe me, I can restrain myself." He said it with a tone that made her wonder if she had finally pushed him over the edge and past the point of trying to win her over. If so, it seemed like a bittersweet sort of victory. It was what she wanted after all.

He smirked and angled his brow at her seductively. "Maybe you're the one who'll have to control yourself Maes. I'm great in bed."

Sometime she would never quite understand what went through his head or how he could be so brash, even jokingly. "Dude…"

"I am. I've been told I don't hog the covers and I'm warm."

That wasn't exactly what she assumed he would brag about and he probably planned it just to see her reaction. But then those hints of humor and playfulness dissipated as quickly as they'd arrived. "Just say yes, please?"

He couldn't get the words out, not the right ones anyway. Fortunately, his hazel green eyes said more than enough. There was that open plea for compassion, a little desperate need and on top of that all was his fear. It wouldn't have taken much to convince her that she wanted to stay but those eyes of his took the cake. "Fine."

It was perhaps the most aggressive yet submissive way she could have said one word as she yanked her duffle bag closer and rummaged through it, taking out a smaller toiletries bag and a pair of cotton shorts and a ratty t-shirt. There was that slightly awkward moment when after Sam exited the bathroom she took his place.

Sam looked from Dean to her and back again but she kept her gaze low and tried to escape the unasked question as quickly as possible. The brothers might have exchanged a whispered conversation while she was in the bathroom but she didn't hear anything so she didn't ask.

"What's going on?" Sam asked.

"She's gonna crash here. You have a problem with that?"

Sam shook his head, gathering up all the books and print outs from the bed before he pulled the covers off the bed. "Where's she gonna sleep?"

"With me."

"Are you sure-" Sam cut himself off. He realized he didn't need to be asking Dean if he was sure about it. Of course he was sure. It wasn't like he was doing something on a whim. When she returned to the room, the lights were low, the tv was off and Sam was already in his bed. Dean was turning down the covers, having stripped down to his boxers and a shirt.

It made her nervous all the same. She sighed a soft and fretful way as she shoved a hand through her free flowing hair as she moved to the other side of the bed. Had he felt so awkward and out of place when she asked him to spend the night with her? It was, she realized, a rather selfish request. Maybe she shouldn't have asked him in the first place.

Although that was perhaps the reason he didn't have any qualms about asking her to do the same. Truth be told, she didn't have too many qualms about it either. It was just awkward. She couldn't remember the last time she had slept with someone. Well, actually slept with them. Again, she corrected herself, she couldn't remember the last time she'd just slept with someone who wasn't Dean.

She thought it was weird enough sleeping with another person in the room let alone another person in the bed. As promised though, he was warm and there was something a little reassuring that it was Dean next to her. It was more than reassuring. This was exactly the sort of thing she worried would happen if she saw him again. Not this exact situation but being confronted with precisely how much she liked him. It was nearly impossible to be cold and distant when he was funny, cute, kind and so alluring. It didn't help that he took her words and actions in stride.

She didn't even mind all that much or not enough to protest, when he turned and his arm fell over her waist, pulling her closer to him. Still, she tensed a little as he pressed against her.

"Can I hold you?"

The murmur against her ear was almost soundless. Maybe he was just covering his bases in case she took offence. She nodded her head as she whispered 'okay' back. His weight settled behind her after his lips grazed the back of her neck. She knew she should have objected to all of it but it was pleasant to have him lay with her like this again. It brought back a lot of particularly fond memories, made her feel safe and protected like it always had.

This time however, she realized it was for him, that he needed to feel safe and protected. Or he needed to feel like he could offer that. Mae knew it wasn't death that scared him but not knowing what would happen to him or his family. Surprises were rarely pleasant in their work. And maybe, she though, he just wanted to know that someone could take him just as he was—no lies, no expectations.

Her hand slid up over his hand lying over her stomach, taking a hold of it and running her thumb over his knuckles. His fingers curled to take hold of hers as they rested in the palm of his hand. Only, she was having difficulty finding as much comfort in it this time. He nuzzled her neck, his breath warm and even against the crook of her neck. It made her shiver and fill her with an unneeded sense of arousal. It turned out it wasn't as difficult as she thought to fall asleep with him next to her. He had done the same thing for her, providing her some much needed comfort last time they were together.

* * *

A/N: Okay, I was going to only make this a two parter but as I was working on it, it started getting pretty unwieldy. So I'll have the next part up soon. In the mean time, I love comments and they totally make me write faster. And of course, much love to the people who have commented... you know I love using Mae to drive you crazy because I heart you!


	6. Where's My Woman? Part 3

Why Won't You Stay?—Where's My Woman- Part Three

**Summary**: In case you haven't been following the whole series, this comes after The Mercy of Fortune and Waiting for A Coincidence. This lovely installment takes place a few weeks after Telephone Line and during Faith. I've skewed the timeline of the episode a bit for my own devilish purposes but then if you were all purists, you wouldn't be reading this!

* * *

The next morning found them on the road to Nebraska, going to see Sam's faith healer. Mae wasn't sure why she desired to come with them, why she felt the need but she knew it was right. It was a gruesome looking day. From the moment they left the motel it had been raining. The rain kept up until they reached their 'specialists'. By then the rain had trailed off into a fine misting drizzle. The lot however was a muddy mess. Proof positive that Dean was not feeling himself could be seen in the fact that Sam drove all the way over and the shorter brother hadn't issued any sort of complaint about what the mud would do to the paint job.

Her stomach tightened as the neared the tent. Dean was not going to like this. As if thinking the same thing, Sam caught her eyes in the rearview mirror. She saw the same raw edge in his expression and tried to give him a reassuring smile.

The sign read The Church of Roy Le Grange. Faith Healer. The sign could have been bigger but it was obvious enough to Dean when he paused getting out of the car. Mae watched for a moment before getting out herself. Even out of sorts, he might have been inclined to bolt on them. Sam rounded the front of the car while she made her way around the back. He tried to help his brother out of the car but once again, Dean shrugged out of his grasp. "Ah, I got it."

Mae hid the very slight upturn of her lips at the action, the tone which was all quintessentially Dean. "Man, you're a lying bastard." He said to his brother, "thought you said we were going to see a doctor."

"I believe I said a specialist. Look Dean, this guy's supposed to be the real deal."

"I can't believe you brought me here to see some guy who heals people out of a tent."

A woman passing by with an umbrella remarked that the reverend was a great man. "Yeah, that's nice." Dean replied angrily.

"And you!" He turned accusingly towards Mae, "You weren't even gonna let me in on this little secret?"

Mae shrugged as they walked past an officer from the Sherriff's department and an angry protester. "Well, that would have taken the fun out of this lovely day, wouldn't it?"

Dean narrowed his eyes at her and her sarcasm for a minute before looking back at the man being escorted away from The 'Church of Roy Le Grange'. "I take it he's not part of the flock."

"Well, when people see something they can't explain, there's controversy."

"But c'mon Sam! A faith healer?"

"Maybe it's time to have a little faith Dean."

"You know what I got faith in? Reality! Known what's really goin' on."

"How can you be a skeptic," Sam asked disbelievingly, "with the things we see every day?"

"Exactly! We see them, we know they're real."

"But if you know evil's out there, how can you not believe that good's out there too?"

"Because I've seen what evil does to good people."

Mae shifted, a big uncomfortable with where the boys' conversation had led. And to be honest, she didn't want to be at this sort of thing any more than did Dean did. But Sam was convinced enough for both of them, maybe all three of them and it was worth a shot.

A young woman with ashy blonde spoke up, having over heard the brothers' back and forth. "Maybe God works in mysterious ways."

"Maybe he does." The words dripped with that raw sex appeal that was laced in Dean's swagger, "I think you just turned me around on the subject."

Sam scoffed, turning away from his brother's overt flirting and looked back at Mae, his expression turned to one of apology. Mae only shrugged and rolled her eyes, trying to keep that needless pang of jealousy from reading on her face.

"Yeah, sure." The pretty woman laughed a bit.

"I'm Dean. This is Sam and… Mae." The pause was odd but Mae still offered a small smile and shook the woman's hand after she told them her name was Layla.

"So if you're not a believer, then why are you here?" She asked.

"Well apparently my brother here believes enough for the both of us."

Sam laughed a little but Mae's eyes went wide. He couldn't possibly be reading her thoughts but damn, it was eerie when they thought alike.

An older woman approached the Layla, Mae suspected it was her mother. People didn't come to these things just for kicks so one of them must have been sick, bringing the other along for their healing. "C'mon Layla, it's about to start."

"Bye." She said as she walked into the tent.

"Well, I betcha she can work in some mysterious ways."

Sam shook his head in disbelief while once again Mae rolled her eyes. Some things about Dean would never change.

Inside the tent the air was thick with incense and the dull tinkling of a church organ flooded softly over the voices of people milling about and finding their seats.

"Yeah peace, love and trust all over." Dean said eyeing the cameras in the corners.

Mae glanced over her shoulder at the very overt security camera. "They're out in the open about it."

"That makes it so much better Mae."

"The sign said faith healer, not I trust you bunches." Dean frowned back at the woman. He wanted her to be on his side, after all she wasn't supposed to be the idealist of the group.

They found their way down the aisle to some seats but Sam insisted on sitting up front. Dean sat on the end of the row leaving Sam and Mae on the inside. Dean was clearly uncomfortable as the reverend began his sermon, telling them about the power of God and how it was Him doing the real work. How God helped Reverend Le Grange see into the hearts of men.

"Yeah that or their wallets." Dean said in an aside to his brother.

It wasn't a quiet as he thought because Roy Le Grange said "You think so, young man?" with a hint of a smile.

Dean froze right up, hot faced and fumbling for the right words. "Sorry," was all he said.

"No, no, don't be. Just watch what ya say around a blind man, we got real sharp ears.

He smirked and Mae found herself liking the man a little more even if she didn't totally believe him. She thought Dean found himself thinking the same thing.

"What's your name son?" The preacher asked.

The hunter cleared his throat before answering.

"Dean," Roy nodded, as if he was mulling the name over and having an unseen conversation all at once, "I wancha to come up here with me." He said beckoning him forward.

The crowd clapped and cheered even as Dean waived it off. "Nah, it's okay."

"What are you doing?" Sam asked, unsure why his brother would give up this chance.

Mae wasn't sure which side of this was the right side of be on but she couldn't deny that she truly hoped Dean would go up and a miracle would happen.

"You've come here to be healed haven't you?"

"Well yeah but uh… maybe you should just pick someone else."

The crowd still cheered him on, ready to see a miracle even if it wasn't their own. "I didn't pick you Dean, the lord did."

That probably made him more uncomfortable Mae thought than being here in the first place, judging by the expression on his face.

"Get up there!" Sam ordered his brother. He for one wasn't going to let Dean miss this opportunity.

The young man didn't resist this time. Maybe it was for Sam, maybe it was because of the cheering crowd or maybe it was because there was a part of him that like the preacher too. Mae didn't know but she felt some odd wave of relief when he stood and made his way to the stage. His brother looked at her, grinning like a fool and it was infectious. Even if it wasn't real, the hope that it might be was hard to fight. The redhead grinned right back at him.

People prayed as Dean took the stage and Mae gave him a reassuring warm smile. It didn't do anything to ease his nerves or disbelief. But he stayed up there.

"Ya ready?"

"Look no disrespect; I'm not exactly a believer." He said quietly to the reverend.

Still smiling, he replied. "You will be son, you will be."

To the crowd, louder now he continued. "Pray with me friends."

People joined hands, knelt and bowed their heads around them as Roy spread his hands wide. Mae felt the distinct urge to kneel down, genuflect and pray. Instead she clasped her hands together and bowed her head just a bit, still keeping her eyes on the skeptical looking Dean.

Reverend Le Grange put a hand to Dean's shoulder and moved it up to his head. "Alright, alright now," was all he said before Dean started to waver and fall to his knees. Mae grabbed Sam's hand as the both surged forth a bit, concerned and confused. She felt an odd cold sensation, a pressure on the side of her head before it was replaced with warmth.

The reverend said a final 'Alright now,' before Dean collapsed to the stage. Sam was on his feet in an instant, calling out his brother's name and Mae wasn't far behind. He knelt down, shaking his unconscious bother until he took a deep breath.

"Say something!"

He didn't say anything. He just looked towards the preacher with wide-eyed alarm.

* * *

There had been more cheering, more congratulation as they made their way out of the tent but the trio remained quiet. Outside of the tent, more or less alone, Sam kept badgering his brother, asking how he felt, if he was okay and each time he got a more agitated.

"So," Sam broke the awkward silence that filled the car as they drove away from the tent, "do you feel better."

He was hit with an icy, angry glare from Dean. "You never should have taken me there Sam."

"Dean," Mae began softly, maternally, "you can't—"

"Shut up. The two of you are idiots for thinking this was a good idea."

"What were we supposed to do, let you die?" Sam asked.

"Yes!"

They were all quiet after that outburst as Sam drove them back to the motel. They didn't talk, they didn't listen to music. It was just a painfully silent, awkward ride back to their room. There was no game plan and clearly there was some unfinished business. It had become a case somehow.

Sam tried to say something but Dean kept cutting him off. The level of frustration in the room just kept rising and rising. The two started bickering, not about the preacher, not about Dean's heart or recovery but focusing on who was the oldest and who had the last say.

"Hey!" She yelled, drawing attention towards her, "First Sam, when I'm here I call the right to argue with Dean about pointless things."

Another day, it might have made Dean laugh when Sam gave a sort of half laugh. "Second," she continued, "I think maybe we could all use something to eat." Her sharp stare landed on Sam.

He nodded, pausing only a moment before he offered to go get something. It defused that argument but it started a whole new one once the young hunter had left the room. "Here. Get a room if you're staying." Mae frowned as Dean threw her duffle bag off the bed to her.

The bag hit her square in the chest. He hadn't thrown it hard but it was the turn he took with her. Not only was he throwing her out of the room, out of his bed, his eyes were harsh. It hurt in a way she hadn't anticipated. "Dean-"

"I mean it. You lied to me."

She clutched her bag to her. "I didn't lie to you. I never told you we weren't going to a faith healer." A small apologetic smile crossed her lips but he wasn't moved at all by the look.

"That's just not good enough Mae. You should have told me."

"Hey, I'm not the bad guy here Dean. We did what we had to do to save you. Why don't you go yell at Sam about this?"

"Who asked you to?"

"Yeah, you're right. I guess we had the crazy notion that you do whatever it takes to save family."

"Not when it's wrong."

She didn't understand. Dean had issues with the whole organized religion thing, she knew that but she also assumed that he would overlook that because he was healed, by whatever means, he had been healed. "Just because you don't like church or God or whatever doesn't mean it's wrong."

"It's… it's not that."

There was something wrong, something more she thought that Dean wasn't telling her. "Then what? If there is something wrong, I can help. I want to help. I mean… if this isn't a miracle…"

He looked at her and found it almost impossible to be so angry with her. His anger didn't totally subside but there was something about the way she looked at him. Her brow was creased with worry and damned if it didn't shift his emotions towards her, towards allaying that worry. "It just felt wrong, okay? I don't know what it was but it didn't feel… well, hell I don't know how it's supposed to feel but I know when something feels off, you know?"

"So what happened?"

"I don't know. You and Sam keep acting like this saved me. Maybe it didn't."

He watched her face fall and he thought for a minute that she might have been on the verge of tears at the notion. Why the hell did she have this twisted power to make him love her so much at times and never want to see her again at others. It was painfully annoying. "C'mon, you even look better than you did before. You think you're still dying?"

She didn't want to think about that. This had to have worked. She didn't think there was another way, not one that wouldn't feel even worse to the man. And she wanted desperately to have something go their way, just this once. But Dean shook his head. "I gotta have it checked out. I'm calling a doctor to see if I can get in to see someone."

"Okay. Well, if you need me, I'll be…"

She didn't know exactly where she would go. It would have been simple, perhaps even wise to get her own room. That was what she should have done the other night but admittedly, she liked sleeping with Dean. "Just stay here." he yanked her bag out of her arms again, "I was angry before. I didn't mean to take it out on you."

She shrugged, smiling a little. "It's alright. I would wager I'm a little more unpleasant when I vent and yeah, okay we—I went behind your back on this one. I know how you feel about that sort of thing."

Dean shook his head as he sighed not feeling as righteously angry anymore, instead feeling guilty. "It's not that. If this was on the level, I wouldn't be bitchin' just because I don't like some preacher. This is a feeling I just can't ignore."

"I'll do whatever you want me to do."

Dean's brow arched up with his lopsided grin. "_Whatever_ I want you to do?"

Her smile faded as she gave him the pointed glare. There was still humor in her tone and her eyes. "To figure out if something really was wrong about this, I'll do anything."

She meant it. There was no disguising the fact that she cared or at the very least was concerned. He wanted things to be clean and simple. Her actions didn't always match her words and her words didn't match her actions. He didn't think Mae was conniving enough to plan something like this. In that moment, he wanted to stop worrying and just do what felt right.

They were ignoring the issue, letting the fight subside as Dean took her by the wrist and tugged her to him. His thumb rubbed light circles over the inside of her wrist as he came in intoxicatingly close to her. He leaned in to catch her lips in a kiss but she turned her head away. She turned not because she didn't want him but because she couldn't risk it.

If she let him kiss her, she'd kiss him back and if she kissed him back she wouldn't want to stop. He could effectively shut down all of her rational thoughts. But even turned her head to the side didn't stop him. His lips fell on the side of her neck. He kissed her sternomastoid muscle, just above the thin silver trail of the chain of her necklace.

He was scruffier than normal, the friction of his stubble along her skin made her shiver as he moved up towards her ear. His hand slid up her forearm and despite having just those two minor points of contact, her body was practically humming with excitement. It wasn't fair to be so easily swayed by his nearness alone. He still smelled hospital-y but under that and being so close to him, she could smell him.

Of course this was exactly what she had feared, her blatantly physical reaction to the man coupled with her genuine feelings for him overwhelming her need to know she wasn't screwing up things further for them both by listening to what part of her wanted. He pulled away as his free hand came up, cupping the side of her cheek and righting her angled head. She swore he was going to kiss her this time and she would have let him. Instead, after he seemingly confirmed that by locking eyes with her, he leaned in and kissed her cheek. Then he pulled away to a safe distance, leaving Mae to blink confusedly for a few moments.

Turning away, she cleared her throat. "You know, I kind of liked the guy, Roy."

"You don't even know him."

Mae shrugged as she sat on the edge of the bed. "It's just a feeling. He seemed like a nice guy, a little churchy for my taste but nice."

"I think he's throwin' down the bad voodoo."

"Let's hope you're wrong."

* * *

It took a full day before Dean could get into see a doctor to examine his heart. Mae bided her time in the waiting room, again unsure as to why she was having issues untangling herself from him this time. Maybe she just had to be certain he was okay, that he had that medical stamp of approval.

But when he and Sam came through the waiting room, things weren't exactly sunshine and roses between the two. Dean was pissed and Sam looked shamefaced. Dean breezed by her without so much as a word which had her springing to her feet.

"Hey, wait a second! Someone what to fill me in here?"

Sam paused only as long as it took her to meet him. She managed to keep up with the ground eating strides the boys were laying down. "Dean thinks this healing wasn't legit."

"That's not new."

"Yeah well… he says he felt cold and it felt wrong. And then the doctor told us that someone else, some 27 year old guy died of a heart attack yesterday."

Her brow furrowed but as she linked it together the furrows deepened. "That could be a coincidence." She didn't believe it but it would have been a nice reprieve.

"Tell that to him. He's going to the Reverend's and I'm checking into this guy who died. You can come with."

"No," She shook her head, "I'm going with Sunshine Mary over there."

"Oh that's gonna go well." Sam muttered as Mae jogged up to Dean's side.

She went with him even after he told her he could handle it on his own. With a rarely used move she turned on her very own sad puppy dog look. It was one of those looks that took full advantage of her large blue eyes and delicate features. He almost growled when he said "Oh for fuck's sake."

It wasn't a yes but when he got in and started the Impala, he waited for her. In the car he filed her in on the exact details, what he had told Sam and for some reason more. He told her that he felt like something had been changed, something that shouldn't have been touched to begin with. Once again, he reiterated that he though it really was his time to die.

"Dean-"

"Don't tell me how to feel."

"Okay. I wasn't going to."

"I can't believe you two did this!"

"In my defense Sam was really the one who was so gung ho about it." She said, trying to kid around with him, "but joking aside, you woulda done the same damn thing. If it was Sam you would have shoved aside all your disbelief because there was a chance."

He frowned and for a moment he was going to refute her statement but it was true. He might have even been willing to admit he would have done it knowing that someone else might die to save his brother. Because it was his brother. "I'm not Sam."

"So your brother's life is worth more than yours?"

Dean kept quiet which was as good as a yes.

"That's messed up." She said.

"Yeah well… tell me different."

"You know, you didn't get to decide when you were growing up and when you were old enough you decided that you'd keep doing the work. There's something important about that. You decided not to close your eyes and pretend all this wasn't out here. You help people."

"That doesn't mean I'm not a lying, cheating, stealing bastard."

"Some of that comes with the work. Sam does it too. So does your Dad, me… that doesn't mean we're worthless human beings."

"Mae…"

"Dean." She reached over to place a hand on his arm, "You're a good man. I've been on the other end of some of those lies and that cheating-"

There weren't a lot of incidences she could be referring to on that claim, not that she knew about anyway. After he and Mae started sleeping together, he stopped even kissing other girls, something that in his mind was proof of his commitment to her. The only time he had been borderline unfaithful was after a huge fight they'd had and he thought it was over between them. It was only one time with a woman whose name he couldn't even remember now. "That doesn't count. We weren't together then." He interrupted

Mae rolled her eyes. In all honesty, she hadn't meant it like that. Even if she did count it, she didn't hold it against him. Because she knew that if they had been together, he would have been painfully loyal as always. "I'm going to ignore the underlying irony of that particular argument for now and tell you that the point is; I know how it made me feel, thinking about you with that other girl but got back together because I know you, I know who you are. And knowing who you are, I know that there's a lot more good than bad in who you are."

It was surprising to hear it from her. Although they had never talked about their relationship. Not that he ever wanted to but he was beginning to see that if they had, things might not have gotten so bad between them. "How? How exactly do you know that?"

"I don't… I can't give you specifics. But… okay for one, you're struggling with this. You don't like having this over your head. You worry that someone died to save you and you worry that you won't live up to that. That's just something that… unselfish people do. You know, you weren't worried just about yourself. You worry about other all the time."

Dean looked over at her, touched and confused by her statements at the same time. "So that makes up for all the rest?"

"Hell, I don't know Dean. I'm not in any place to judge you, judge what's right or wrong. I just know that for all your faults, you put yourself on the line for not just the people you care about but for total strangers. You know, all the bad breaks we've—you've had, you could have turned out a lot worse."

"I didn't think you liked me that much."

"Who said I liked you?" She said with a good natured grin, "Besides, it wasn't every you that… well, you're probably the one thing that made everything that I've done a little harder."

"Harder?"

"Yeah. I coulda walked away from everything if it weren't for this… this connection I have to you. I don't get it. Sometimes I hate it but God help me if it isn't there all the same."

"I feel like I should apologize but if that's the case then I'm not sorry. But still… there's something wrong with all this."

* * *

They both sat in the reverend's house, awkwardly. There might have been a case where they were comfortable there but Mae couldn't think of any. It was hard to investigate this like another case. The reverend told them about his Cancer, Sue Anne, his wife beamed at the miracle of her husband, his gift. He seemed… normal, for a faith healer who could really heal. Or believed he could. Mae didn't get the bad voodoo vibe from him. She'd say it again; she kind of liked him.

Then Dean asked a question, not as a hunter but as… well, as Dean Winchester-perpetual skeptic might ask. "Why? Why me? Out of all the sick people, why save me?"

That was a question Mae could have answered but of course, that wasn't what Dean was looking for.

"Well, like I said before, the Lord guides me. I looked into your heart and you just… stood out from all the rest."

It should have been enough, Mae thought. It was enough reason for her but it made Dean paused, balk. "What did you see in my heart?"

"A young man with an important purpose, a job to do. And it isn't finished."

They didn't leave the Reverend's house with a sense of completion at all. At least Dean didn't.

"Listen-"

"Do we have to talk right now? I could-I just need to… think."

Mae nodded. She wouldn't push on this issue because it was more than just whatever they were dealing with from the reverend. His answers left Dean feeling so much more uncomfortable. It didn't help matters when they ran into Layla and her mother on the way out.

True believers in Roy's miracles it seemed. And they hit Dean with an impossibly low blow when the mother told him of her brain tumor and asking him the same thing he had been asking himself. "Why do you deserve to live more than my daughter?"

"Dean-"

"There's nothin' you can say so don't."

* * *

A/N- Okay so I thought I'd have this finished in just 3 parts but I tend to get carried away when I write Mae/Dean shmoop! However, I promise there's one more part before we get to move on to some more fun stuff! As always read and review if you can! The feedback is great and I really do use it to improve the stories.


	7. Where's My Woman? Part 4

Why Won't You Stay?—Where's My Woman- Part Four

**Summary**: In case you haven't been following the whole series, this comes after The Mercy of Fortune and Waiting for A Coincidence. This lovely installment takes place a few weeks after Telephone Line and during Faith. I've skewed the timeline of the episode a bit for my own devilish purposes but then if you were all purists, you wouldn't be reading this!

* * *

These awkward silences with Dean were getting on her nerves. She might not always have wanted to talk to Dean but he wasn't giving in. She understood. She didn't like it but she understood. At least this time she reached over to turn on the stereo without him stopping her or turning it off. Not that either of them were listening to whatever was on so it didn't matter much.

With a sigh, she turned to look out the window. Nebraska didn't offer much in the way of scenery but was oddly fitting for the way the car felt, bleak and pointless. He looked over at her for a moment. As much of a pain in the ass as she could be sometimes, she hadn't hesitated when it came to this case.

"Hey." He said softly.

"What?"

He gave her a small but significant smile. "Thanks."

Mae returned the smile. "That lady doesn't know you. She had no right to ask that."

"Of course she did. That's what mom's do, right?"

"I guess. I wouldn't know on that count. But-"

He knew what she was going to say and he didn't want to hear it from her right then. "So you're telling me I deserve to live more than that girl?"

"Well, no. I just… no one is as hard on you as you are. And that's something that you don't need right now."

He didn't have anything to say to that. It was a little too deep for the moment, for what he wanted to think about then but her words were more meaningful. Maybe it was because he had felt that Mae had written him off and it seemed like that wasn't true. Dean looked over at her. He realized he didn't entirely understand her, probably wouldn't ever be able to claim that. It would have been easy to write her off as a bitch or needlessly cruel but she wasn't just that alone.

The tough as nails hunter was more worried about how he felt about himself. She kept trying to reassure him that he was worth saving and he thought if she didn't care, she wouldn't keep trying to reassure him. That had to mean something. Dean wondered about it, he wonder about her more than he wanted right then.

The two them continued to the motel in a more amiable silence. He couldn't say he was happy or really at peace but a small part of himself better because of her. That was until they got to the motel. She didn't like the look or feel of the room or Sam. It wasn't good news.

"What'd you find out?" Dean asked.

"I'm sorry. "

Mae hated the way he said it. He was so effectively confirming Dean's worst fears. But the older hunter wasn't so pessimistic. "Sorry about what?"

"Marshall Hall died at 4:17."

"The exact time I was healed."

"Are you sure?" Mae asked

Both brothers gave her an 'are you serious?' look and she nodded her agreement that it was probably a stupid question. "Right."

"Yeah. So," Sam continued, "I put together a list of everyone Roy's healed, six people over the past year, and I cross-checked them with the local obits." He handed Dean what he had found. "Every time someone was healed, someone else died. And each time, the victim died of the same symptom LeGrange was healing at the time."

"That could be…" She cleared her throat because Mae couldn't even come up with a convincing excuse. She couldn't even call it a coincidence because it sure as hell didn't feel like one. Then she gave a deflated sigh, sitting on the edge of one of the beds, "hell, this is…"

"Bad?" Dean answered sharply. He pinned her with a sharp glance before he continued, "So someone's healed of cancer, someone else dies of cancer?"

"Somehow. LeGrange—he's trading a life for another." Sam said.

This was bad. It was exactly what she had been worried about when Sam called. It was what Dean was worried about too and he was going to be mad. Mae thought she might have been able to talk him down if this had been an honest to goodness miracle. That was enough of an issue to tackle with Dean Winchester but this made it so much worse.

"Wait, wait, wait. So, Marshall Hall died to save me?"

Mae and Sam looked at each other, each hoping the other would have the right answer. But they both knew the real one wasn't a good one. "Dean, the guy probably would've died anyway. And someone else would've been healed."

"You never should've brought me here."

"It's not like that." Mae started but she couldn't figure out what else to say.

Sam had her back though. "Dean, we were just trying to save your life."

"But, now, some guy is dead now because of me."

Mae and Sam looked away from Dean, back to each other before they both looked down. "We didn't know." Sam said for both of them.

"Neither of you tried to find out. You both just... you should have let me die."

Mae shook her head. "You know we couldn't."

Her statement left Mae and Dean in a silent standoff, neither exactly certain what the other one was challenging them to until Sam spoke up. "The thing I don't understand is how is Roy doing it? How's he trading a life for a life?"

"I don't know that he could. Not—not through any conventional means." She said, conventional means for them being quite unusual.

"Oh, he's not doing it." Dean filled in that piece for them, "Something else is doing it for him."

"What do you mean?" Sam asked.

Dean was agitated, mad with his brother and Mae both but realizing they had bigger issues to deal with. Roy LeGrange was still healing people which meant more people were going to die. "The old man I saw on stage. I didn't wanna believe it, but deep down I knew it."

"You knew what? What are you talking about?"

"There's only one thing that can give and take life like that."

Sam might have been confused but Mae was running through the short list in her head. There were a lot of creatures, demons and everything in between that might kill a man, drain away his life but few that could trade it.

"You don't mean…" Mae trailed off as she narrowed her eyes at him. Dean just nodded.

"A reaper."

"You really think it's the Grim Reaper? Like, angel of death, collect your soul, the whole deal?" Sam asked, a little confounded by the implications of that.

"No, no, no. Not _the Reaper_, a reaper. There's reaper lore in pretty much every culture on Earth. Go by a hundred different names. It's possible that there's more than one of 'em."

"Gatekeepers basically. Ranging from all manner of level of authority." Mae added.

"But you said you saw a dude in a suit."

"Well, what, do you think he should've been workin' the whole black robe thing? You said it yourself that the clock stopped, right?" Dean held up a piece of paper with a reaper on it. "Reapers stop time. And you can only see 'em when they're comin' at you, which is why I could see it and you couldn't."

"Maybe. "

"There's nothing else it could be, Sam. The question is how's Roy controllin' the damn thing?"

Mae stood to pace now. "Controlling a reaper, that takes some serious brass. It's like… hell, I've never heard of anyone being able to control a force of nature like that without some serious repercussions. "

"That cross."

Sam said it to Dean but Mae answered first. "Yeah, it was an old school Coptic cross.

At the time, Dean hadn't been paying much attention to the decorations. "What?" He asked.

"There was this cross. I noticed it in the church tent; I knew I had seen it before. Here." Sam shuffled through the deck before pulling out the Death card.

Dean took a look, skeptical. "A tarot?"

"It makes sense. I mean, tarot dates back to the early Christian era, right? When some priests were still using magic? And a few of them veered into the dark stuff. Necromancy, and how to push death away, how to cause it."

"So, Roy is using black magic to bind the reaper?"

Mae held up her hand as she shook her head no. "Yeah but… the Coptic cross was supposed to represent the everlasting and eternal love of God and the resurrection. It kind of makes sense, you know for a faith healer."

"Why the hell do you know that and why the hell are you on his side?" Dean asked her, not expecting the encyclopedia routine from Mavis.

She smirked. "Dude, catholic school. Believe me, I know all kinds of things that only come up in this line of work. And I'm not on anyone's side. If it's dark magic then we stop it."

Sam didn't entirely understand why they were picking this time to have a fight over this particular subject but he was going to try to put a stop to it. "Well, clearly this is something darker. And if it is, he's riding the whirlwind. It's like putting a dog leash on a Great White."

Dean slapped the card down on the table and got up to put his coffee mug in the sink, all the while the wheels were turning in his head. As he leaned against the counter, he sent Mae a brief but withering look before he spoke. "Ok, then we stop Roy."

"How?"

It was written on Dean's face. Sam was still a bit too used to normal life, not quite a 'hunter for life'. Yet. "You know how."

While Mae might have been more of a hunter, she still didn't like where Dean's head was. "No way. I do not get the dark magic vibe from Roy. Churchy but that's not evil."

"We're not basing this off your vibes Mae."

"But yours were good enough?"

His brother and Mae might not have been yelling but Sam did. "Will the two of you stop it? What the hell are you talking about, Dean? We can't _kill_ Roy."

"Sam, the guy's playing God, he's deciding who lives and who dies, that's a monster in my book."

"No, we're not gonna kill a human being, Dean. We do that, we're no better than he is."

At least Sam was being rational and making the critical point. And at least Dean listen to him, instead of arguing like he was inclined to do with Mae. "Okay, so we can't kill Roy, we can't kill death. Any bright ideas, college boy?"

Sam's brow quirked a little underneath his pangs. and he had to think fast before Dean changed his mind and went back to the 'Kill Roy' plan. "Okay, uh, if Roy is using some kind of black spell on the reaper, we've gotta figure out what it is. And how to break it."

* * *

Dean was irritable but he had this nagging feeling that he was being harsh with Mae. It was such an annoying sense because he had every right to be angry with her and Sam. Both of them had hatched up this plan and kept it from him. But, he thought, he didn't need to layer anything on top of his issues with the female hunter.

They were getting ready to investigate, find a way to put a stop to the spell but he had to talk to her. Dean grabbed her wrist and pulled her aside. "You know, this isn't your responsibility Mae. I'm not on death's door. You can take off it you want."

That one fair eyebrow quirked, telling him he was out of his mind even before she spoke. "Is that your subtle way of saying get the hell out of here?"

"No, it's my way of saying that if you don't want to stay, don't feel like you're obligated."

Mae wasn't mad about that. She wanted to be but he had a point and a valid one. "Except I am. I'm obligated because there's a case here. This is what we do and I'm obligated because… because I got you involved in this. So unless you're saying you _can't_ do this with me, I'm gonna stay."

Again, he saw that he had almost no idea which way Mae was going to go with anything. He liked that she wanted to stay and that she felt the responsibility to do the right thing. "Okay, good."

That could have been the end of things but she turned her hand so she could grab his wrist instead. "And Dean, I'm sorry."

Those big blue grey eyes were sympathetic, open and as far as he could judge, honest. She really was sorry and she was here to stay and help clean up. He found it insanely appealing for some reason. He liked seeing her in that light. It was difficult at times to remember why he like her. "I don't blame you."

The woman gave him a half smile and shrugged self-consciously. "The hell you don't. You must be distracted by the breasts. Or something. Maybe it's my charming personality or superb people skills."

It let some of the tension out of their conversation and the argument that had been brewing between them. Damn it all if he didn't want to believe what he had said. He didn't want to blame her. He wanted to believe that this was all okay but he couldn't get around the truth of this case. "Maybe."

The lack of argument on his part left her feeling insecure so she tucked her hands in her jeans pockets. "Well either way, I'm sorry I got you stuck in the middle of this. For the record though, if I had it to do over I would probably do the same thing. I mighta blindfolded you first." She said, smirking just a little

"Not funny." He said with a frown.

"C'mon, if it happened to anyone but you, you wouldn't be this upset."

Dean shook his head. He pulled away from her to cross his arms over his chest. "Maybe. Depends on who."

"I know. You're my who. Sam's too. So you can't rag too hard on him for this, for doing the only thing you boys were told to do consistently growing up."

She was still wrong, Dean decided. She made some sense but she was still wrong. "Yeah well—"

"It's okay. I get it and trust me your brother does too. That doesn't change that we care about you and we'd really rather keep you alive, all things considered."

Dean gave her a kind look. "You're driving me insane, you know that? I just for once want to be able to figure something about you out and for it stay true for five minutes."

"Hey, I may be a bitch, I may be unstable and I may be crazy as hell but I'm not heartless and I try my best not to lie to you, even if that means that sometimes I have to tell you things you don't like."

"We should get back to work."

"Yes we should."

* * *

The three of them found themselves back at the revival meeting, walking across the parking area with a mission. "If Roy is using a spell, there might be a spell book." Sam said.

"See if you can find it." Dean looked down at his watch, "Hurry up, too, the service starts in fifteen minutes. I'll try to stall Roy."

Mae nodded her agreement as Sam confirmed. "Alright."

They walked up to the man who had been denouncing the Reverend earlier as he passed out flyers. "Roy LeGrange is a fraud. He's no healer." He proclaimed.

"Amen, brother" Dean said before his brother added. "You keep up the good word."

For whatever reason, Mae didn't buy it or agree so she kept her mouth shut as the man thanked them for their support.

They split up, Dean heading towards the tent while Sam and Mae made their way towards Roy's house. His wife Sue Ann and another man were helping the reverend down the stairs of the porch, presumably heading towards the tent for the service. They skulked around the porch, looking for a way in. The hunters waited until the coast seemed clear before they snuck through an unlocked window.

"They're awfully trusting." Mae muttered.

She had been to the house once already but she only knew where the sitting room was so that didn't aid them much in finding their way around. Eventually, they found their way into an office or library that from the looks of it was rarely used. They both started going through the books, mostly Christian related reading along with some classical literature. Nothing particularly damning, Mae thought. Most of the books and the shelves held a thick layer of dust.

Sam found a space that had been wiped clear of dust in front of a book, an Encyclopedia of Christian History. As he flipped through the book, Mae stepped beside him. Since it wasn't feasible to read over his shoulder, she stood off to his side to read it. However his attention was caught by something else. Behind the encyclopedia was a smaller book still on the shelf, carefully hidden. He handed her the encyclopedia before retrieving the smaller book.

This one merited more evidence, more cause to point the finger at the reverend. Mae frowned as Sam came across a page with a picture of a reaper on it. Flipping back, there was a picture of the Coptic cross on one page. There were newspaper clipping between the pages, one on an openly gay teacher, an abortion rights advocate, and the man who had been objecting in the parking lot. Mae and Sam exchanged a worried look.

"Well this could mean anything," she said to him.

"Like not only is the good reverend killing people to heal others, he's got an obvious plan to it?"

"Now…" She didn't have anything else, just that feeling that Roy really believed what he was doing was the work of God. Since she didn't say anything more Sam picked up his phone.

Dean answered. "What do you got?"

"Roy's choosing victims he sees as immoral. And I think I know who's next on his list. Remember that protestor?"

"The guy in the parking lot?"

"Yeah. Yeah, we'll find him. But you can't let Roy heal anyone, alright?" Sam closed the book and shoved it into his coat pocket.

They exited the house and went searching for David Wright, wandering through the lot of cars, vans and busses. While they were doing that, Dean tried to figure out a way to stop the services. It was easier before he stepped inside, discovering that it was Layla who was going to be healed next. Mae had been right, there were some people that didn't make this sort of trade seem quite as bad. Layla was a perfectly nice girl, a girl who didn't have a chance at a normal life without this. But Dean couldn't trade the life of that man in the parking lot for hers, not knowingly.

After her name was announced and the crowd began cheering, Layla walked up to the stage. It was the only chance he'd have so Dean stopped her.

"Layla, listen to me, you can't go up there."

"Why not? We've waited for months."

"You can't let Roy heal you."

"I don't understand. I mean, Roy healed you, didn't he? Why wouldn't I at least let him try?"

"Because if you do, something bad is gonna happen. I can't explain, I just need you to believe me."

Sue Ann spoke up and gestured the young woman forward. "Layla."

"Please." Dean begged her. She turned to look at her mother who so desperately wanted her daughter to go forward with the healing.

"I'm sorry." She walked away from Dean now.

He called after her but she didn't stop. Sue Ann brought her on stage. It made his stomach turn with nerves. He had to stop this.

"Pray with me, friends," the reverend began before turning to the young woman, "I hope you're ready."

She replied, "I am."

Roy moved to place his hand on her head. Dean had to figure out a way to stop it and since he didn't have the time, he went on instinct. "Fire! Hey, tent's on fire!" The crowd looks around frantically as Dean called out, then they started to rush out of the tent as he continued to yell. "Fire! Everybody, get out of here!

Roy tried to calm the people, restore some order. "Friends, if you'd all just leave the tent in an orderly fashion, then we can figure out what's going on out there."

* * *

Outside, Mae and Sam had run into some problems of their own in locating David. The cry of help drew their action but they weren't sure where it came from exactly. The pair took off in the direction of the cry as fast as they could.

"Help! Help me, please!" After another frantic call, they found him and ran to his side but there was no sign of danger. Just like Dean had said earlier, they couldn't see him because the reaper wasn't after them.

By his side now, Sam asked, "Where is it?"

David pointed. "It's right there! " he said like it should be obvious, like they couldn't not see it. But of course the reaper wasn't after Mae or Sam and they never would.

They glanced at each other before they tugged at him, flanking him on each side.

"Alright, come on!" Sam ordered as they started to run. It was a fool plan but they didn't have another option. Run or let the reaper take another person who had been judged by the wrong people.

* * *

Sam's phone rang and he and David stopped their run, Mae only slowed, not particularly trusting what was happening. "I did it. I stopped Roy." Dean said to his brother.

That was easy, Sam thought. "David, I think it's okay."

David nodded but he turned and looked around fearfully, his face went blank. "No!"

The two hunters were left speechless. It should have worked but since it didn't, they didn't know exactly what to do. They couldn't fight something they couldn't see and they could fight something they couldn't fight anyway. They watched as David was brought to the ground but the unseen force. "Dean, it didn't work! The reaper's still comin'!"

Mae moved to help David but Sam held her back with a strong hand on her shoulder as he talk to his brother. He didn't want Mae to get caught in the cross fire or be accidently killed because the reaper decided she was just as good a target.

"I'm tellin' you! I'm tellin' you, it must not have worked. Roy must not be controlling this thing!"

"Then who is?" Mae asked harshly at the same time his brother was asking a similar question.

"Sue Ann?" Sam repeated as he pulled the phone away from his ear after Dean hung up briskly.

Turning to the taller hunter now, Mae parroted the name with just as much question. "Sue Ann? What about Sue Ann? Dean thinks she's controlling the reaper?"

"I guess, he didn't exactly explain much."

Mae squinted and frowned before with a sigh she looked back at the prone David. She ran her hands through her hair, aggravated. "Well what the hell do we do?"

But then something happened. He stopped gasping for breath, color came back into David's face. For whatever reason, the reaper didn't take him. Sam only hesitated a second longer before grabbing him and helping him to his feet. "I got ya. I got ya."

"Thank God." He gasped.

"Yeah or something like that." Mae muttered to Sam.

* * *

It had been so easy to blame the reverend but he should have been willing to look further. Sue Ann had just as much reason to pull something like this to save her husband. It made him feel stupid but more than that it made him angry.

He looked her dead on in the eye, fingering the Coptic cross before tucking it in her shirt and calling for help. Much too quickly the Sheriffs showed up and pulled Dean away. He didn't fight back but he kept his eyes fiercely locked on Sue Ann. He knew what she was doing and he wanted her to know that too.

The Sheriffs escorted him out of the tent, Sue Ann not far behind. The woman stood in front of Dean. "I just don't understand. After everything we've done for you, after Roy healed you. We're very, very disappointed, Dean. You can let him go, I'm not gonna press charges. The Lord will deal with him as he sees fit."

She walked away with that ominous phrase.

The Sheriffs did let him go; of course they offered a warning to him before they did. "We catch you around here again, son, we'll put the fear of God in you, understand?

Dean nodded, slightly amused. "Yes, sir. Fear of God. Got it." They shoved him away and as he righted himself he noticed Layla standing there.

"Why would you do that, Dean? When it could've been my only chance. "

"He's not a healer."

"He healed you."

He hated being in this situation and he wished he could change it somehow but they still had a job to do. "I know it doesn't seem fair. And I wish I could explain, but Roy is not the answer. I'm sorry."

"Goodbye, Dean. I wish you luck. I really do."

"Same to you." He replied as he watched her leave before saying to himself, "You deserve it a lot more than me."

HE lingered a moment, watching the young woman before he decided to leave, find Mae and Sam. He walked by Roy, Sue Ann and Layla's mother as he left.

Roy was speaking to the woman. "Private session tonight. No interruptions. I give you my word. I'll heal your daughter."

"Thank you, Reverend. God bless you."

* * *

Back in the motel room, they tried to absorb more what had happened to them during their last trip to Roy's. Sam sat on the edge of one of the beds. "So Roy really believes?" Sam asked.

Dean eased the drapes to the side, looking out as Mae leaned against the wall next to the windo. "I don't think he has any idea what his wife's doing."

"See, I told you. I know people." Mae said smugly.

"You want me to get you a cookie?"

"Well," Sam said a little louder than the other two hunters, "I found this hidden in their library. It's ancient. Written by a priest who went dark side. There's a binding spell in here for trapping a reaper.

Sitting on the other bed now, he took the book as his brother offered it, leafing through the pages. "Must be a hell of a spell."

"Yeah. You've got to build a black altar, with seriously dark stuff. Bones, human blood. To cross the line like that, that preacher's wife. Black magic, murder. Evil." Sam shook his head, not understating how someone could go that far.

"Desperate." Dean said flicking his eyes to his brother, "Her husband was dying, she'd have done anything to save him." Then his gaze landed back on Mae who looked away from him quickly. "She was using the binding spell to keep the reaper away from Roy."

"Cheating death. Literally."

"Yeah, but Roy's alive, so why's she still using the spell?"

"Right. To force the reaper to kill people she thinks are immoral."

It was a little much for Dean. "May God save us from half the people who think they're doing God's work."

"We've gotta break that binding spell, guys." Sam said looking back and forth from Mae to Dean.

His thumb ran down the picture in the book. "You know, Sue Ann had a Coptic cross like this. And when she dropped it, the reaper backed off."

"Maybe she just called if off when you caused that scene." Mae chimed in.

But Dean shook his head. "No she was still praying or whatever when I came up to her. That cross has something to do with it."

"So, you think we've gotta find the cross or destroy the altar?" Sam asked.

"Maybe both? Whatever we do, we better do it soon. Roy's healing Layla tonight. "

* * *

Mae wanted to be anywhere but here. She was pretty sure that she crossed a line Dean might not forgive her for. Maybe he could, maybe he would but not certainly not right then, not when he knew what his life had cost someone else. That might not have been the part that bothered him the most though. She knew it really bothered him that he had kept Layla from getting healed twice already. And they were going in for the third time. Roy really was her one last chance.

"That's Layla's car. She's already here."

"Yeah." She heard the reluctance in Dean's tone. He was thinking about letting the woman be healed before putting a stop to this.

Sam had heard it too. "Dean."

"You know, if Roy would have picked Layla instead of me, she'd be healed right now."

"Dean, don't."

Sam's chastising didn't stop him. "And if she's not healed tonight, she's gonna die in a couple months."

"What's happening to her is horrible. But, what are you gonna do? Let somebody else die to save her? You said it yourself, Dean. You can't play God."

* * *

They could hear the reverend from outside the tent. "Gather round. Please, everyone, gather round. Come in closer. Come on up."

They peaked inside to see Layla getting up on stage.

"Where's Sue Ann?"

They didn't see the woman anywhere. "House." Sam said with a backwards glance.

Mae couldn't tell if that was good or bad. It would be easier she decided fewer people and less of a scene. Again Dean was thinking along the same lines when he touched her shoulder, locked eyes with her and gave her an order, hoping that she would follow it for once. "Go find Sue Ann. I'll catch up."

"What are you—?" Sam started before Dean was walking around the front of the house, drawing attention to himself.

"Hey. He called out to the two officers who were once again in the perfect place at the perfect time. "You gonna put that fear of God in me?"

Dean took off and they gave chase. Leaving Mae and Sam with the job of finding Sue Ann

Dean led the officer through the parking lot, ducking and hiding behind whatever he could. They swept the ground with flashlights, knowing Dean couldn't have gotten far.

"You see him?" One of the sheriffs asked the other.

"No."

It was almost too close when Dean had risen from his crouch only to draw the attention of the dog inside who started barking frantically. Of course, that brought the attention of the sheriffs.

"Psycho mutt."

Fortunately upon seeing only the barking dog, they went searching in another direction, leaving Dean safe from pursuit upon the roof of the trailer.

* * *

The other two hunters had hidden from view until Dean had led the sheriffs away. They ran up the steps of the porch, looking in the windows, finding only darkness. The pair walked almost all the way around the wrap around porch before finding a cellar, the crack between the doors glowing with light.

They went around to ground level and Sam opened the doors quietly letting Mae in before descending into the cellar himself.

They had hit the jackpot as far as black altars went. Last time they found one it had been more of a prop for some unfortunate teenage sex but this one was the real deal. It was covered with crosses, blood, bones, candles, and wax. In the middle of the altar was a picture of Dean. It was blurry and not a particularly good one but it was Dean nonetheless, taken from the church's security camera. Sue Ann had crossed over his face with a blood red 'X'.

Sam pick the picture up, a new sense of rage sweeping through his veins. It was mellowed when Sue Anne spoke up. "I gave your brother life, and I can take it away."

She took them by surprise and since they didn't have much time to do the dirty work, Sam overturned the altar while Mae took off after Sue Ann followed soon by Sam. She must have anticipated it because she rushed out the cellar, locking the doors behind her.

Mae could have sworn Sam growled as he made his way to her side before using all his strength to try to force the door open. Sue Ann called out again. "Can't you see? The Lord chose me to reward the just and punish the wicked. And your brother is wicked. And he deserves to die just as Layla deserves to live. It's God's will."

As she spoke, Sam gave up on trying force the door open and looked around the room for another way out. He noticed a small window boarded up and grabbed Mae by the wrist. "C'mon." He whispered.

"Goodbye, Sam." Sue Ann said.

He used the end of a chunk of lumber to bust through. "We've gotta get to Dean." He said before he helped Mae through the opening.

* * *

Having escaped the sheriffs, Dean still needed to find another way to stop Roy or Sue Ann, just in case Mae and Sam hadn't been able to yet. But then the street lights began to go out and he turned to see the man in the suit, the reaper. This time he wasn't there to bring him back from the brink of death.

But Dean didn't run, even as the reaper put his hand to the side of Dean's face. He groaned in pain as he felt that overwhelming coldness grip at him again. He fell to his knees, gasping for breath but still convinced on some level that this was fair.

Mae and Sam on the other hand, now out of the cellar went after Sue Ann. She didn't seem all that phased by the destruction of her altar so it must be the cross and they both knew that her new target was Dean. They had to stop her before she went through with her spell.

They ran towards the tent, it was the only logical place for her to be. But as they ran, Mae felt something strange come over her. It wasn't pain exactly, more of a numbness and a buzzing in her head. It made her vision go blurry for a moment as her stomach flipped. She'd felt it before, when Dean was healed the first time.

"We're close." She said to Sam as he spotted Sue Ann behind the tent.

It must have been the spell. She stopped running, hoping Sam wouldn't stop because of it. Whatever the spell was, whatever this flavor of magic was left her reeling. She's had a run of bad luck with spells lately, she reminded herself.

Fortunately, Sam didn't stop. He ran right up to Sue Ann and ripping the cross from her hands, threw it to the ground. It shattered and as if on cue, Mae felt everything clear in time to hear Sue Ann. "My God! What have you done?"

"He's not your God." Sam told her.

The woman looked like she might try to run but she didn't get far before her color drained from her face and that unseen force dropped her to the ground. She collapsed and twitched several times before she lay deadly still on the ground.

"You okay?" Sam asked her when he finally turned around, "What happened?"

Mae shook her head. She had felt odd before but now she felt a little more embarrassed. "Nothing, I'm fine.

* * *

The car ride was pretty quiet. Sam told Dean about the altar, the cross, everything they had witnessed while Dean told them about the reaper. And Mae was silent the whole time, sitting in the back of the Impala, staring out the window and thinking. When they got back to the motel, it was late. Too late, she decided to head back out on the road. Besides she wasn't feeling exactly right but since things were back to normal, more or less, she decided that it wasn't right to spend the night with Dean again.

He didn't ask her to stay either, although he didn't look particularly over joyed at the idea. Maybe he just didn't want to be the one to say it. Either way, she took her duffle back to her room and didn't even undress before she lay down on the bed for a night of rather fitful sleep.

The morning brought the question of what she should do. On one hand, she could have left, just left but she didn't like the idea of that. On the other hand, she didn't want to throw herself into something potentially overly emotion with Dean. Still, she knew it was only right to say goodbye. She ran into Sam on her way to their room. He offered her a tight smile that held a little bit more guilt than normal.

"What's up Stretch?"

"Nothing I just- you wanna get a soda?"

Her brow arched again. "It's 10 in the morning. Do you want me to get one?"

"A little."

"Why?"

He frowned and hesitated telling her what he had done. He knew that Dean was upset about what happened and he thought it was only right for him and Layla to talk. Maybe it would make him feel a little better. "Layla and Dean-"

Mae cut him off with the raise of her hand. "Dude, whatever they want to do is fine by me."

"They're not having sex. I just thought he should talk to her."

Her eyes widened a bit. "O-kay. Listen, why don't you just do whatever you were going to do and I'll do what I was going to do.

* * *

Because Layla was still there when Mae got to the room, she didn't knock and she didn't go in. She had of course overheard the chat with the young woman, Sam hadn't closed the door all the way, and while there was certainly and rather than the twinge of jealousy she felt remorse and sympathy. She walked towards the room once the young woman had left, seemingly assured by the promise Dean had made. Mae suspected that he meant it because, well Dean didn't make idle promises, not when he had been so clearly shaken by the whole ordeal.

"Hey," she said.

The door was still open so Mae had just stepped inside the frame, not entering all the way but simply stood there. Dean was wide eyed, surprised, and perhaps a little worried that she had heard any part of his conversation. He didn't want to deal with a fight with her right then. "Hey Red, I'm… I thought you would have been long gone by now."

While the notion made her heart squeeze with the knowledge that there wasn't anything she had done to convince him otherwise, she didn't detect any sort of sharpness or malevolence in his tone. She only shook her head no.

"Well uh, Sammy an' me'll heading out soon."

"Yeah, I figured, what with the packing and all."

It was odd, their conversation. Usually they would be fighting by now or talking comfortably but they were on eggshells. They both avoided anything that might be provocative, avoided eye contact and it left them inhabiting the room with an overwhelming sense of awkwardness.

"So… feeling better?" Dean offered her a cockeyed glance. "Stupid question, I guess." She said.

He nodded but sat on the edge of the bed with a sigh. "I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this."

"I don't know either but can I suggest that you be grateful? Because I am."

She had been uncharacteristically nice to him lately. Or, he corrected himself, she'd been nicer to him than he wanted her to be. He been hurt when she told him she needed space. It seemed needlessly mean but she hadn't been particularly mean lately. It made their relationship all the more confusing. "I'm glad to be alive, happy even but what makes my life worth more than anyone else's? "

"Well, I never met that guy personally, I don't know anything about him but I do know you and I can say that the world isn't a better place without you." She took a seat on the bed next to him. "That doesn't make it right and I know that doesn't ease your guilt but you can't trade back so you'd best make it worth it. You have to live a life that makes it worth it."

His head angled as he looked at the lovely slant of her jaw, partially obscured by her long red hair. He loved her profile, her pretty face, those plump lips and slender nose. It used to be rounder but she'd lost the baby fat and now her face showed off that alluring bone structure. Damned if he didn't wish things were different.

Because he didn't want her to move her hand, he laid his over the top after he gave a long sigh. "You know, I really could have used a friend Mae. I mean, that's what we said right?"

"I was here the whole time."

He shook his head. She was either being too literal or deliberately ignoring the subject and he actually wanted to talk about it. He wasn't going to let this wound fester. "I mean before that. That whole time we weren't talking, I could have used a friend. You know if we could have ignored everything that happened between us or what might happen, I just really could have used someone to talk to."

"Well, there's always Sam-"

He interrupted her. "Except for when he's the problem."

She frowned. "What's wrong with him?"

"Nothing, he's just… it's like we're not on the same page."

"Haven't you always kind of been on separate pages? The two of you are pretty different."

"Not like you an' me, right?"

Her lips pressed together in a thin line that eventually morphed into a tiny smile. "Well, that's probably true. I'm here now though, what's wrong?"

He stood up now, pacing a little, trying to figure out why even when she was trying to do what he wanted, he was aggravated with her. "Past is past Mae. It's fine."

"So what now, you're pissed off that I didn't handle things as well as I could have so you're just gonna stone wall me?"

"No, I'm not focusing on shit that isn't important. Sam and I will work things out. I'm just saying that while he's riding my ass, it would have been nice to be able to call someone, you and say, my life sucks."

"I'm sorry. I didn't think you had come to see me as your confidant."

He gave a deep sigh. He hated it when she was so proper and well-mannered. "You always used to be. It didn't seem weird."

"Dean, you can't just expect one night to change everything."

"It did for me."

She closed her eyes, feeling that bittersweet twist of emotion come over her again. "C'mon…"

"I'm serious Mae. I saw just how much I actually like being with you when we weren't focusing on all the screwed up stuff or fighting or under some damn spell. And you do too! It's driving me insane when I think about how things can go smoothly but then you slam on the breaks."

"It's not you Dean, I like you… it's me."

"I know it is." She pinned him with a sharp stare but realizing there was no judgment in his words and more importantly realizing that it was the truth, her expression softened. "But I don't care, okay? Do you?"

"Yeah, of course I do. The things that happened—my getting hurt, screwing you dad and everything other little thing—There are reasons I am like this. But… they didn't have anything to do with you, not like that. I get that I hurt you but that wasn't ever my intent."

"I know that. It just shouldn't stand between us."

"Who we are shouldn't stand between us?"

"No, that—that's not what I'm saying. If you think that it bothers me-"

Now she joined him in pacing for a moment before she stopped him, and cut him off with a finger to his lips. "To be blunt Dean, I don't care if it bothers you because there's nothing I can do to change it. If you want me to apologize again, I will. But if it bothers you enough for it to be a hurdle, I don't know that I can fix that. Nothing fixes it for me. I mean… you know."

She swallowed, hard. She had not come over her to discuss this but he had this way of making her want to tell him everything. And maybe Sam was right, he deserved at least a piece of the reason she was acting the way she was. "It's hard to say, considering what happened, but I'd always had a little bit of a crush on your Dad. Not anything more than that because I also saw him as a father figure. What happened between your dad and I made me feel, hell still makes me feel dirty. Not just the act but what I felt because it wasn't anything that I had ever felt for him and… like I said, it left its mark."

He hadn't expected her to start talking about this, giving him details about how she felt. It wasn't anything he had thought about. Her words, the tightness in her voice and the look of tears just about to prick her eyes told him there was a lot she wasn't saying about those feelings. He just didn't have to words to comfort her. "I—yeah, I mean… well…"

"Yeah, see you still think that there was a part of me that wanted that." She shook her head and turned away from him, "If it weren't for that spell, I would have broken your heart just in a different way."

"You don't know that."

"Yes Dean, I do. I know what my plan was and I knew, almost down to the letter what you'd try to do." She sighed, "I suppose that's another fight for another time. But that spell changed everything and it's still with me."

"I never thought about that."

"Yeah well, being with you makes me think about all of that again. And sometimes I wonder if it's worth it, to go through all my issues all over aging just because I love you."

She hadn't said it, not to him in a long time without any hesitation. While it wasn't an overt affirmation of her love for him, it was still one. She had said the words and knowing how difficult it was for him to admit it himself, not just to her but to himself, it was important. Maybe it was something that wasn't so shocking to her because she didn't seem fazed by her admission.

"I need to figure that out and frankly, I'm not sure that I can be so close to you."

"Because I make you feel dirty?"

"No. No, you don't, you never did. You always made me feel… special and…" she sighed, "there's a lot of things that have happened to me, around me, because of me that . I guess part of it is that I'm worried that you'd feel the same way."

He stepped up behind her, placing his hands on her shoulders. "Hey, I'm no prude and you know despite my ego, you were a free agent. If you had really wanted my dad… well, it woulda been fine. I guess I would have appreciated a little warning."

"Yeah and if I had wanted anything with your dad, I wouldn't have been so careless. I mean at the very least I wouldn't do him when the two of you were sharing a room."

Dean smirked just a bit. For some reason it was a relief to have her talk about albeit pained for both of them. It made him see her in a different light, not quite so cold and distant about her own damn life. She looked so much more human. If her intention had been to push him further away, she hadn't managed. Maybe this wasn't the worst thing to happen to him because it had managed to break down a big chunk of that wall she's put up.

"I don't want this to be goodbye. I don't want us to just ignore whatever this is."

Now she turned to look at him with those sad, blue eyes. "What do you think is going to happen with us? You think I'm going to shack up with you and hop from crappy motel to crappy motel with you and your brother?

Dean shrugged. "I can think of worse things. What's so wrong about that?"

"I'm not exactly the team work kind of girl"

"The hell you aren't. We do good work together and you know it. Plus, there's something here."

"I'm not denying that but c'mon how feasible is it for us to go off hunting together and have some sort of relationship?"

"We could try."

It was so crushing to argue with him about this because he simply couldn't see her argument. Maybe he really could accept her, warts and all but she didn't feel the same way about herself. "Okay, here's the deal Dean, in an effort to be more truthful. I still need some time. Being with you muddies the waters and after this… well, it should be pretty clear that I'm not just trying to avoid you. I need to make sure that I'm… okay."

She might have been telling the truth but there was still something, something she was keeping from him. He didn't know what but it was in her voice, that little hitch at the last part that screamed 'secret' to him. There were any number of things it could have been about but he figured it had something to do with the last job, her possession. He knew it had left her more than a little frayed and they left while she was probably still vulnerable. Maybe she was still shaken up over it. "You don't think you can?"

"And so maybe I don't talk to you for a couple of weeks."

"I'm fine with that up until the no talking part. Will you at least stay in touch? It doesn't have to be a lot. I mean, more than just showing up if I'm about to die?"

He had this joking tone in his voice but it wasn't real. It wasn't difficult to see when you knew the man well enough. Still, she smiled and used the same joking mask to help assuage his fear. "Sure. If your brother's about to die, I'd come for that too."

"Be serious for just a second, okay?"

"Okay. I'll call you if that will keep us from having another dust up."

"About you calling me anyway." He said with a grin.

"Fine. But… and this is not some strange compliment but we have to keep our distance for a while because when I'm with you…"

"You can't keep your hands off me, can you?"

She rolled her eyes. "Believe me I can." But it was followed with a saucy kind of half smile. "I just don't really want to."

* * *

A/N- Whew! That was a long one. I'm thinking I might write a few more interstitial pieces before we move on to the next big piece of the series (which will be drawn out through the rest of season 1!) rather than jumping right into that one. Is that too much of a tease? Hopefully this has redeemed Mae a little for some of you who think she's just a bitch... she's only part bitch!


	8. You've Really Got a Hold on Me

Why Won't You Stay?—You've Really Got a Hold on Me

Disclaimers- I still don't own anything except Mae and all her crazy! Again, this isn't a standalone piece and you'll need to read The Mercy of Fortune and Waiting for a Coincidence to figure out what's going on here. It might help to read the in-between stories that make up Why Won't You Stay too.

Summary: So, our last chapter left us with more of a resolution about what Mae and Dean want from each other, right. Well, this chapter takes place after Route 666 and takes the form of another phone call. Enjoy!

* * *

I don't like you but I love you  
Seems that I'm always thinkin' of you  
Oh, oh, oh, you treat me badly  
I love you madly

You've really got a hold on me  
You really got a hold on me  
You really got a hold on me  
You really got a hold on me

Baby, I don't want you but I need you  
Don't wanna kiss you but I need to  
Oh, oh, oh You do me wrong now  
My love is strong now

* * *

Dean was just delaying the inevitable. It left him feeling quite torn, quite confused. He didn't want to give up on what he had going with Mae. Whatever that turned out to be, whatever it really was. And it must have been something, he reasoned because this was bothering him.

It was foolish, it was wrong and most of all it was stupid but he felt as if he'd cheated on Mae. There were a lot of other times that would have fell into the infidelity category in his history with Mae but this one shouldn't have, should it?

There was no agreement, they hadn't agreed to anything except the phone calls. They said they would call each other, not just the words. It twisted his gut and his heart into the most intricate of knots waiting for her to make good. Yeah, he could have called her first but this wasn't a test of whether or not he could call her. They both knew he could.

The question here was whether she could call him, whether she could meet him halfway on this. He wouldn't ask her to come see him, visit her or ask her for something she wasn't ready for. She wouldn't leave him hanging, wonder if she was giving up, giving in or something in between. They had both agreed that this wasn't just a fleeting element of lust, attraction or even a fond reminiscence of what once was. This was something different entirely.

This time, this time she had called though. She hadn't made him wait long. After they left Nebraska, they'd headed in opposite directions and she had called him when she stopped for the night in Wyoming. She even called the next day. They fell into a nice pattern of calling each other, sometimes it was every day, sometimes it was twice a day and sometimes it was every other day. But they both still called each other.

They never spoke of anything particularly important or evocative, nothing that would raise the hackles of the other. They just spoke. He wouldn't say that it was anything that would lay the foundation for some supremely meaningful relationship; it just kept the channels open.

But now he wasn't sure what to do. He wanted to talk to her, God he did. He hadn't called her while he'd been in Mississippi, not sure he could explain the situation at the time. All the time he spent with Cassie, he found himself thinking about Mavis.

It was insanely confusing. He loved Cassie, or at least he thought he did. Outside of his feeling for Mae, he would call it love. But it wasn't' the same way he felt about Mae. That redheaded hunter had a hold on him and there wasn't much that seemed to shake it.

Maybe he would tell her he slept with Cassie and she would laugh, shrug it off but that was under the best of conditions. Most women wouldn't just accept that. Sure he wasn't having sex with Mae but he damn well wanted to, he didn't want to have to start from scratch again. Not telling her didn't seem like the best option either. He just couldn't figure out how to be with her and keep this a secret.

Things had been changing, little by little. She was more comfortable, more open and their calls were easily becoming more flirtatious. It was no longer just an experiment or test of trust. No, it had made the turn Dean had been hoping it would which left him in this odd spot now. So he decided to bite the bullet. If she was going to pull the plug, the he wanted it to be quick.

"Hey there handsome, I was beginning to think… well, I was getting worried. Tough case or something?"

Dean paused, trying to determine if there was something more to what she was saying, if she knew what had happened. But he couldn't tell. "Yeah, I guess… it was, it was a weird case. We had a possessed car to deal with. It was pretty intense."

"Well, you took care of it right?"

"Yep, we did."

It wasn't easy to call Dean talkative but he was especially withdrawn tonight. "Dean, what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong."

He knew she didn't believe him probably because it was an obvious lie and it was stupid to try to lie to her he realized. That wasn't what this was about. They weren't trying to reconnect to tell each other lies again.

"Okay I'm guessing that it's big."

"It's not big, not exactly. It's… complex."

She didn't like the way this was going. Dean. She knew it shouldn't have bothered her but she had the linter sensation that he was about to tell her he wasn't interested in this anymore. That something had change on the last job and he didn't want to talk to her anymore. She thought she deserved it, after all, she hadn't been particularly nice to him before they had come to their last agreement. Maybe he figured out that she wasn't the kind of woman he thought she was.

"Well out with it Dean. You know how I hate to wait."

"I slept with someone else."

She closed her eyes. Of course the thought of him with another woman wasn't one she liked to dwell on. She was aware of it, aware of his proclivities and reputation. He'd always had it, that ability to charm someone out of their pants and into his bed. It was something that she was not immune to herself. And while she didn't explicitly tell him not to, she had hoped that he wouldn't fall back into his usual patterns.

That was an unrealistic expectation. If she wasn't willing to make a larger commitment to him, she couldn't expect him to do anything different. But she wasn't mad. She expected to be at least a little mad. No, she felt lost more than anything. When he said that, she didn't know what it meant.

They didn't say they couldn't sleep with other people. If she had wanted to, she could have. Only she hadn't found anyone she wanted to be with like that. Dean was still a guy though, maybe he just need a roll in the hay. She couldn't blame him for having sex with someone.

"Well, I've slept with other people too." She said, being just a little callous and evasive

He frowned. If she had slept with someone else, she clearly hadn't felt the same way about telling him. "Since we last saw each other?"

She didn't feel like lying to him, she couldn't really lie to him on this count. "Well no if you're counting time in a linear fashion," she said after a pause, "but I'm not holding you to some standard we didn't agree to. If I had wanted you to not have sex, I should have said so. And for the record, I don't exactly need a running total of your barroom conquests."

It wasn't the answer he had predicted but it also wasn't the one he feared. "Um, maybe if it was that sort of thing, I wouldn't be telling you. Or at least I wouldn't tell you like that."

That was worse. Her heart sank, straight down to her belly like it was made of lead. She had steeled herself against that first admission but this one seemed harsher. Mae didn't have a long list of breakups on her record but this seemed like it might be a bad one. "I see. Well, you know that just means… it doesn't mean anything I guess because we're just, we're friends."

He had to smile to himself, just a little. Mae was upset by his confession and he like the idea that she might have been jealous. What he liked more was that she wasn't calling it quits because of that. She was trying to make the best of it.

"That's not what I'm saying."

"So you don't want to be friends anymore? You don't want to keep… trying?"

"Will you just stop for a second? I'm telling you because, well because she meant something me but so do you. And I feel really bad about it. Even though we're not together…"

"You felt… _bad_ about it?"

He heard the skepticism in her voice, he liked that too. "A little. Not that I would go back and change things. I needed to know if anything was still there."

Mae didn't want to know the answer to her question but she had to ask it. "Is there anything?"

And he didn't want to lie to her, he couldn't lie to her. He didn't want to hurt her at the same time. "Yeah, a little but um… it's not like with you and me."

She was quite a while. "What's her name?"

That almost made him do a double take. Of all the things she could have asked… maybe she was trying to trap him but he couldn't exactly figure out why she would do that. Maybe he had misheard her. "What?"

"This girl, what's her name?"

He had heard her right. He didn't want to answer, he didn't want to talk to her about this. He just wanted to tell her and find out if it was okay. This was going in a weird direction but he answered because she was being so calm about it. "Cassie."

"Did you love her? Or do you love her?"

He couldn't figure out why it mattered, why she kept asking for more information. "I did, I think I did. I love the idea of her."

"But not her?"

Dean sighed, running a hand through his close cropped hair. "Well… yeah, I mean… I don't know. If I thought less about you when I was with her maybe I could be totally convinced of what that meant. Okay, here's the deal, normally I wouldn't think twice about sleeping with someone but it bothers me now and I don't really get it."

That wasn't exactly true, he understood it but telling her he loved her might make this more awkward. They had made it through this whole conversation without either of them getting angry. Then finally, she asked one of the questions he had anticipated. "So why are you telling me this? Do you just want to try to feel a little less guilty or… or did you think I really wanted to know? I mean did you tell me for my benefit or yours?"

He shrugged. "I suppose mine more than yours but—but it's not just to make myself feel better, okay? Because I don't. I feel worse actually but I think, well maybe I should feel bad because if this isn't headed where I think it's headed, then I shouldn't worry because we really are just two people who don't have feelings for each other."

Mae didn't totally understand what he was talking about. Of course, they always talked around the issues without ever addressing them. They used clever and convoluted analogies for 'relationship' or 'dating'. They never really talked about because that would mean facing up to some formidable issues for both of them. But she could play dumb for a while. "Um what the hell are you trying to say?"

"Well, I'd feel bad if this is…" He paused, he knew he had to walk a fine line with her but it was impossible to keep up the little game, "if we're headed towards a relationship here."

Nothing Dean could have said would have surprised her more. It wasn't as if she didn't have feelings for him, she did and it wasn't as if she didn't think about a relationship with him. It just never turned out well in her scenarios. She always ended up breaking his heart again or he broke hers or it got them killed. All of their feelings aside, it just didn't make sense in the long run. "I don't know if that's what you'd call it." She said quietly.

"What would you call it then?"

"Stupid."

Dean grinned. "Okay then. Are we going to be stupid together? Do you want to be stupid with me? Because I'd really like to be stupid with you."

There was something so genuine, so heartfelt about the question that didn't match the words. It was the intention, the meaning behind them that made her smile and laugh to herself. He played their little system perfectly and he'd asked her what both of them had been wondering on some level since he'd spotted her in that bar in Washington.

"Honestly? I kind of do, I mean in a completely illogical way."

"Well honey I don't need a lot of logical for this. So I should feel bad then."

"No," She shook her head, despite being on the phone with him, "you shouldn't. I mean… I loved someone before too."

"Yeah?"

She meant it. This wasn't something that she wanted him to feel bad about. It wasn't like he had snuck around, violated her trust or anything. He had been honest about it, even if it was after the fact. He wasn't telling her just to relive any guilt he felt either. He was telling all this because it had been a turning point for him. And she understood it. She understood exactly why he did it and how he felt. "Yeah." She said

thoughtfully.

"So what happened to him?"

"Oh didn't you see my white picket fence, 2.3 kids and minivan when you were at my house?"

It was the sort of thing people of their mindset would laugh at, would consider a funny sort of take on the state of their lives. The one thing that was clear about her house was that she was very much alone there. If he weren't reading too much into it, it seemed like a place she didn't want company there. "I take it things ended badly."

He could hear the turn in her voice and he could imagine the way the sadness would hang in her grey blue eyes as she spoke, remembered. "They ended too soon… and too ugly."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to bring it up."

Her next breath was sharply audible before she pulled herself together again. "It's alright." Her voice was softer now, with a melancholy tone, "He was a nice guy and he was good to me, Dean… you wouldn't have liked him, except for how he treated me. If I had the opportunity to be with him again, I might take it. So if you really had feelings for Cassie and you had the chance, you shouldn't feel bad about it."

"Well, that's not exactly what I thought you'd say. You're being pretty cool about all this."

"I could get mad I suppose but what's the point? I'm so tired of being mad at things I can't change or do different. It does me no good." She sighed heavily, "I just don't want to fight about this."

"But we fight so good."

"Sure we do and give me almost anything else, we can argue until the sun comes up. But this… no."

Only then did he figured out why she asked it first. He wanted to know what kind of guy made her heart soften and took all the fight out of her, in a good way. He thought he had been the only one. Maybe that's what she thought when she asked him about Cassie. "What was his name? Or maybe I'm being presumptuous, assuming the person you loved was a dude."

It was Dean's way and she was appreciative his ability to make the situation seem less intense, less serious. Her mouth quirked up in a half smile. "Oh you mean I could include women in the list of people I loved?"

"Start with them first, in explicit detail."

Turnabout was fair play and oddly for the first time in a long time, it didn't hurt to think about him. It didn't leave her feeling cold to say his name. "His name was Dan."

"You still love him?"

"Sure, a part of me always will but… I think our relationship was more of a moment in time and it was a perfect moment while I had it. But um," he could hear the tears on the edge of her voice, "I don't think it would have lasted, not with the way I am."

"C'mon Mae. The way you are is just fine, it's almost perfect sometimes."

"Well, you must have a really selective memory. I haven't exactly been a peach to be with and I have been as kind as I could have been."

It was true but he could forgive it and moreover, he was glad she realized it. "Well I've said some things, done some things I regret too. I uh, I could have thought more about you."

"Well that's stupid. Neither of us could have dealt with everything while the wounds were fresh. I mean neither of us was ready for any of that. Werewolves, zombies and ghosts… that we can deal with without batting an eye. But us? Well, together we could be really dangerous, really frightening if we got lost in each other again."

"Lost? You think we were lost?"

"I think we'd have realized what we were giving up sooner if we hadn't been so in love with each other. And um, I know I got lost in that feeling. I mean, I always thought I'd shake that off eventually. I thought that feeling would go away. I always thought that you'd remember your first love but that you wouldn't feel it after it was long gone. But to this day…"

"You still feel it." He finished for her.

She nodded before answering a tight throated 'yeah'. Then she shook her head and she brushed the tears that had rolled down her cheek away. She hadn't meant to admit all these things to him but talking with him had been so nice, so easy and it just came out because it felt right. She wanted to tell someone all these things, someone who cared and apparently someone who understood those things.

"Did—I mean do you still—"

"Yeah I do. It's a hell of a thing Mae to have you own that piece of my heart."

She looked down at her hand, twisting that ring he gave her all those years ago but she had started wearing again. She had always kept it close but never wore it the way it was meant to be worn. At the same time, Dean did the same thing with the ring that matched hers. He had never taken his off his ring finger, always wore it to keep her near him even when it seemed hopeless that they would ever feel that way again.

Those tears that she had been trying to fight so hard were rolling down her cheeks without stop now and she knew she couldn't keep them out of her voice. To her surprise though, there were so many other things she wanted to tell him, things she knew she wasn't ready to tell.

"I'm really glad you called Dean."

"You so don't sound like it."

"I know. I just told you a whole bunch of stuff I haven't thought about in a long time, let alone told one. I'm feeling just a little… weird. But I'm still glad you called."

"Me too."

* * *

A/N-Yay, I'm back to doing the phone calls. Not that I don't like Mae and Dean being in the same room together, I love the idea of these little phone calls. Maybe I'm the only one! Never fear though because we're working up to the next big story which I'm really excited about! I don't want to give too much away but I will say that John resurfaces at just the wrong time for these two crazy kids. _Sidebar:(Oh and just so everyone has it on record, in my world Bobby is responsible for the death of Rufus's daughter so if that's what really happens we'll all know I decided that before I saw the episode. And if it doesn't, that's fine because this is already AU). _So as always, I'd love for you to read and review... it'll make me do a happy dance!


	9. Born in a Flash

Why Won't You Stay?—Born in a Flash

Disclaimers- I still don't own anything except Mae. If you've read along this far, you should already know but I'll say it again; This isn't a standalone piece and you'll need to read The Mercy of Fortune and Waiting for a Coincidence to figure out what's going on here.

Summary: I'm sure you'll figure it out but this picks up after Nightmare.

* * *

Born in a Flash

Photograph  
Looking down at me  
I'm looking at the past  
Something about my family in high contrast  
Something about my infancy  
In white and black

* * *

The first person he thought to call was Mae. It wasn't exactly natural because after he thought about her, Dean had to slow himself and question if he should call her. Would she answer? Would she respond the way he hoped? Right then he didn't want to risk that because he was worried bordering on scared about this thing with his brother.

Mae had been different since they had left Nebraska and the faith healer. They were both trying to address the . They still had issues and he knew nothing would smooth that over entirely. And he knew new issues would come into play. The important thing to him was that she wasn't keeping him at a distance. Maybe physically but that was just a superficial thing. That didn't bother him. It didn't bother him when she didn't feel like talking about something in particularly when she just told him. Honesty went a long way for him when it came to Mae.

It was still weird. He'd never had to navigate this sort of relationship with someone. It wasn't easy to bury some of the things between them like it was from time to time with his dad or Sam. That might have been better in the long run but it certainly set them up for a ton of fights. Dean smirked at that thought, just a little. Most of the time, he liked the passionate arguments he could have with her. When they didn't touch on such sensitive, personal issues for the pair.

He still had his doubts about her. Not so much about her but about whatever she was keeping secret or trying to hide. He just couldn't figure out what it was. Dean was almost certain he knew about anything she might want to keep from someone. Maybe it was something horrible, something she could barely bring herself to tell anyone. But at the end of the day, he was drawn to her. It was a step beyond attraction, a step above. It felt like it came closer to obsession than attraction. Only he didn't like the way it sounded. They weren't obsessed with each other but they were preoccupied, infatuated and a strange blend of passion had been brought back.

Recalling their relationship, their friendship as children, there was a point where they became closer than close and being away from her left him feeling off. It left him feeling incredibly lonely and once again he left that. He wanted her there with him. It wasn't a new feeling. If it had been something as simple, as easily rectified as a physical attraction alone. Not that he wasn't attracted to her. He was, probably more than he should have been considering how easily she could control his emotions. And he knew he had plenty of good reasons to stay away from her.

That was what made him a little hesitant. They were still in that weird place where he didn't know how far was too far with her. He didn't know what he might say that could push her over the edge and he was sick of that. Dean Winchester wasn't the sort to walk on eggshells. But he would for her, at least for a little while, until she realized that she was being ludicrous.

Dean had so effectively opened up a whole plethora of wounds and unpleasant memories for her so when her phone rang she thought about not answering it. That was the whole problem with being around Dean; he could read her, he could get under her skin, he could cut straight to the bone. But taking all of that in stride, she never felt more natural, more comfortable with exposing those fears and weaknesses than when she was doing it with him. Comfortable wasn't exactly the right word. It was more like safe; he was never needlessly cruel to her about anything she told him. Or when she made a misstep.

He let her be who she was even if she didn't like it, even if he didn't like it. He was kinder than she had been to him. But she wanted to change that. Mae wanted to get over than need to punish him or hurt him or whatever it was that compelled her to not give him the same thing he gave her. He didn't deserve to receive the brunt of her mommy issues, her daddy issues or her abandonment issues.

Maybe that had been his plan all along. Maybe he knew that with enough perseverance, he could wear her down until she wasn't so angry. Or maybe it was just luck of the draw. She didn't know why he was so determined. She didn't know why she felt so drawn to him either. There was nothing logical or normal about it. So she answered his call because she owed him that much.

"Hey."

He wasn't sure that she would pick up. Again, there were a lot of reasons for that but it made him antsy. He had to let that go because he didn't want to jump to conclusion. He shouldn't hold her to some strange standard that she had to answer after two rings ever time. "Hey, how's it goin' Red?"

His voice, that simple greeting was insanely soothing. It was soothing in a way it shouldn't have been. All of those doubts she had been having moments before, every one of them went flying out the window. "Oh you know, same ol' same ol'."

He thought maybe talking to her about anything else might help him make sense of it all or at least take his mind off it. "Any good cases?"

"You ever fight a gulon?

"Gulon..." he mulled the name over in his mind for a few moments, "you make me feel like I'm wet behind the ears."

"You got to go out and hunt, I got to stay home and read. Anyway, I'm pretty sure that they're nicer to not know than to meet one."

"What is it?"

"Like the world's hungriest badger. Seriously, this thing is an eating machine. Alive, dead, inanimate, anything in between… the gulon eats and eats and eats until it's ready to explode. Then it wedges itself in a tight space so it can, ahem, relieve itself before it goes on to devour everything else it can find. The only time you can kill it is when it's…"

"Taking a shit?"

"Yeah, it's a glamorous job, I know." Dean laughed a bit at her tale before she continued, "But I've got all my fingers, toes and important bits. And I'm not covered in monster shit so all in all it was a good day."

He wasn't sure what more to say. "Yeah."

Mae pressed her lips together, deciding whether or not to broach the subject that hung so heavily in the air right then. "So you wanna tell me what's wrong with you handsome?"

He was surprised, at least a little that he had hidden that so poorly from her. He was supposed to be the strong one. At the same time, he took a certain solace in knowing that she knew when something was up. And he liked it when she called him handsome for probably the most superficial and ego boosting reasons.

"How could you tell?" He said with a sigh.

"The way you said hey and then pretty much everything else. So…?"

He had called to talk to her, he wanted to talk to her and he was just letting worry, possibly needless worry stop him. He had gone out of his way to leave the room he was sharing with his brother to call her from the car. "What would you do if you heard about a guy who had prophetic dreams and… could move stuff with his mind?"

"What would I do? I don't know, check it out, see if he was dangerous. I mean… wait, Sam?" She knew Dean well enough to know that his first instinct would have been to hunt something like that, it just would have. He didn't normally ask those questions unless it wasn't so clear cut for him, "He's getting… worse?"

"I don't know Maeby. Maybe he is, maybe it's just… something else. He… he's got me worried though. His visions _are_ getting worse and now he's, I don't know, maybe he's got other abilities developing."

"Other abilities?"

"He was able to pull of some telekinetic mind bending sort of thing when he thought that kid was gonna kill me."

"Are you sure?"

It was such a strange question he almost laughed at it. Of course he was sure. "He's sure. I-It's a little above my head."

"Maybe you're just too close. Tell me the whole story."

She was still a hunter, needing all those details but there was something comforting about the way she asked, the way she tried to figure it out or lay it out so it would make sense. He'd tried the same thing but it couldn't hurt, he thought.

"There's not much more. He just wakes me up in the middle of the night to drive to freakin' Saginaw. Cuz he has this vision of this guy getting killed and everything about it says suicide except his damn 6th sense. And he's right, you know? It's freakin' me out."

He listened to her measured exhale and the silence that was too uncomfortable for both of them before she said anything more. "Well yeah. That is kind of thing that would freak anyone out."

He shook his head, ran a hand through his hair as he glanced back at the motel room. "Mavis, I don't know what to do here."

"Well you could stop calling me Mavis for one." She said wryly, trying to shake Dean from his current mood.

"I'm serious. I don't, I don't know what to do here."

"Maybe it's nothing. I mean, the visions aren't the worst thing to ever happen and maybe he just… imagined the whole telekinetic thing. Stress, you know?"

"When it is ever nothing? When is something not normal ever good?"

"So far haven't the visions been beneficial? I mean, he dreamt about Jessica's death and maybe he could have stopped it if he understood them He dreamt about your old house and you not only saved that woman and her kids but also found your mom's spirit again. And he dreamt about me and you and… well, if we had listened maybe—"

"I didn't tell you the end. It's this kid, he's doing it. He's controlling these things with his mind and he's killing all the people who hurt him. And get this, he's Sam's age. His mom died in a fire in the nursery—"

"Dean-"

"I'm tellin' you, this isn't normal… even for us. What if it isn't good, what if… what if he's some kind of—of what if he's something we hunt?"

She was glad for once they were on the phone. He couldn't read her expressions and there was little she could do to conceal the worry or what he would hate more, the thoughts that were going through her head. "Dean, it's Sam."

It was a reassuring expression, one that let him know she understood the issue. It wasn't just that this was his brother they were talking about but the kind of person Sam was. Sam was probably a better person than either of them were, in terms of social norms. At least he still had qualms about the lying, stealing, breaking and entering- pretty much everything that was either outright illegal or skirted the law at best that made up the job. "I know it is. I know but," he sighed, "I don't know. If other people find out about him-"

"Well don't tell anyone."

Dean closed his eyes, smiled. There was something so definitive, so authoritative about the way she said it. And the 'don't be stupid' tone was reassuring. "Obviously. Besides, who the hell would I tell except for you? I'm just…" he scrubbed a hand over his mouth, "You know the worst part? I can't get a hold of dad to save my life. I can reach you but my own father? I don't get him sometimes."

It wasn't the first time he'd expressed doubt over his father but it was the first time that that doubt was laced with disgust. Of course, this wasn't about the job, this was about family. She wanted to do something, say something that might make it better for him or bolster him in some way. "If I knew where he was, I'd tell you. But we can figure it out, okay?"

If he could have grabbed her right then, he would have held her tight. He knew there was no reason to feel this way. He knew he should have been more cautious, guarded but it was so hard to do that around her. As much as he wanted her support, companionship, and a slew of other things that came with her, he didn't want to back track. "Mae, you don't have to…"

"I want to." She said softly before the uncertainty crept in, "I mean for whatever it's worth, whatever I can actually do, I'll help."

"Even if it means seeing me again? I wouldn't want to encroach in your space Red."

It was a bit of a low blow, he knew but it was the only way he could test the waters. Fortunately, he could see the smile in her voice and he imagined a little blush eased over her pale checks when she spoke. "Yeah, even if it means seeing you again."

"You sure?" And, he decided to take yet another risk, "Because I wanna see you, you have no idea but—well, I don't want to screw things up anymore. I can't deal with that all over again, not right now."

"Even if I were totally and completely pissed off with you, I would help you if you needed it. We're… well, neither of has a lot of anything so… I wouldn't tell you I would help if I wasn't ready for something like seeing you again."

He hated being in love with her because it made something like that. He had wanted her to confess similarly to the way he did. He wanted to hear her say she wanted to see him too. He wanted to say she wanted to see him for more reasons than just to help him. "Don't say it like it's a bad thing."

That wasn't how she meant it. She wasn't trying to disappoint him, she was trying to show him a level of dedication. "I'm not. I mean I was ready, eager even to see you again before that mess in Twin Falls. And you know, it's not like we haven't been able to talk more openly lately." She sighed, "I'm really sorry if you thought it was because of you. It's not."

"I don't know if that's what I think. I just kind of feel like there should be more." Even as he said it, he knew he was laying his own minefield.

"More? I don't know that I can give you more right now. I know I'm not very… very expressive at times, unless I'm mad or something but I'm confused by the way I feel about you. I want to be with, so much so sometimes that I don't know what to do about it. I don't want to hurt you. Again. I have rotten luck when it comes to that sort of thing… when it comes to you, you know?"

"Maybe we end up with better luck together."

"Maybe. I do miss you though. It's been a long, long time since I've let myself feel enough to miss someone let alone care about you the way I do. I know I don't make it easy for you."

"Well I guess I never asked for easy."

Mae let her lips curse up a little. "Hey, look at that, we didn't turn that into some over blown fight."

"We sure didn't. You know that might have been what I was looking for."

"What that I get that I'm a pain in the ass?"

"No, that you get what annoys me and it makes me think that you're not intentionally trying to do it."

"Oh sugar, you'll know what I'm doing it on purpose."

That had him laughing. The way she said it actually left him feeling more confident in whatever it was they were doing together. She was honest with him. He was honest with her and that was something they needed to remember.

"You know this doesn't exactly come natural for me either."

"You wouldn't know it if you… if you were me. I mean you seem to know exactly what you want with me and you just don't say it because you worry it'll make me all skittish. So you don't say it because you have this… faith that we'll end up together."

Well, he thought, she wasn't entirely wrong. He did know what he wanted, he knew he wanted to be with her. He wasn't sure if he'd call her his girlfriend or if they'd call it dating but he felt like he needed to be with her all the time, he needed to have sex and love and friendship with her.

And somehow he knew he'd get that. If she didn't want anything to do with him, she would have cut him lose a long time ago. They wouldn't have fought about the things they fought about. And anytime they thought about going their separate ways, they always tried to figure away back together.

"I don't know what to say to that Red. What do you want me to say?"

"Nothin'. There's nothing you could say. I'm only trying to make sense of things. But you know, that's not why you called so maybe there's something I can do."

Dean thought about it a moment, the last part of her statement anyway. "You could look into mom's death."

"Didn't you already do that when you were in Lawrence?"

"It's… it's too close to me and Sam and dad. Maybe you might find a clue about that or what's happening to Sam? Something."

"Okay. I'll see what I can find. And Dean?"

"Yeah?"

"I—Be safe."

"You too."

* * *

A/N- So, I've been re-watching season one (which I have to admit, I get nostalgic about) to fill in some of the details and unfortunately I love it so much I've ended up writing two different version of the next chapter. I like them both so I guess the question is how long do you want to wait to read the sequel? I don't want to give too much up because that would ruin the surprises I have planned. Both versions end in the same place but only one really adds a bunch of AU goodies to season 1. I'm letting you guys vote so once I've reached a decision, I'll try to post more often. (and since we all like frequent updates, send me a message or leave comment about what you'd like to see!)


	10. I Hurt The Ones That Love Me

Why Won't You Stay?— I Hurt the Ones That Love Me

Disclaimers- Somehow, I still don't own anything except Mae. Go read The Mercy of Fortune and Waiting for a Coincidence if you somehow stumbled on this chapter, then you'll know what's going on. Also, mea culpa for the liberties I've taken here!

Summary: Takes place during Shadow... read it, you'll see!

* * *

I hurt the ones that love me 'cause you don't, you don't, you don't  
They look at me and seem to see complexity you won't  
I hurt the ones that love me 'cause you don't, you don't, you don't  
No one can hurt you like your friends  
Let down your guard and they'll get in  
Their ammunition never ends  
No one can hurt you like your friends

* * *

"Hey Red, you got a minute?"

"For you? I'll give you two."

That had him grinning like a fool. And then it brought him a sharp pang of realization that he wanted to be with her. He never should have let her leave after they saw that faith healer. It might have resulted in extra fighting, more uncomfortable moments but they would have come through it in the end and he would have had her near him.

"Yeah well, we're in Chicago and I need a little help with something."

"Oh you'd best finish that request before I agree to anything."

It was Mae this time that had started things. She assumed he was making a double entendre or proposition. He wasn't, not this time. But since she mentioned it…"What would you say no to? Oh, and more importantly what would you say yes to?"

He was such a tease sometimes. She had to admit it was kind of flattering. She hoped not to be quite so flattered by such a thing. Dean flirted like his life depended on it. She knew that wasn't something reserved just for her. It wasn't an issue really. She didn't mind him hitting on anyone but at the same time she did. There wasn't anything she could say to him without declaring something about their relationship. She wasn't exactly ready for that.

She didn't want Dean to think she wasn't interested in him, she was. Admitting it however, worried her a little. Now wasn't the time to tell him that either. It was getting harder and harder to stay on topic with him. So, she sighed and tried to steer the conversation back to something easy to talk about. "What do you want Dean?"

Her voice was soft, a little quirky. She wasn't being mean when she said it; she might have been a little embarrassed in fact. That's why he let it go. "Yeah, we found this weird… well actually a weird case."

"A weird case?" she said with a laugh, "I can't imagine what that means."

"To tell you the truth, at first I thought it was a werewolf but uh, we found this—this symbol, I don't know what it is. So I was thinking, maybe you could take a look at it for me."

"If you have a picture, sure. Send it to me."

"Thanks." He smirked to himself a little, he liked working together with her like this, "I appreciate it."

Dean emailed the picture to her but it would take a few moments for her to get it. "You want to tell me about the case?" She asked before he had a chance to say anything more.

"Yeah sure, about a week ago, this girl, Meredith got killed in her apartment—no prints, no signs of a break in, nothing that gave any clues as to how she got offed aside from the fact that she got ripped apart and, get this, her heart was missing. Before her, there was another guy who got killed the same way but nothing ties him to Meredith."

"Ouch, that's rough. But that's not a lot to go on. I mean a lot of things could kill you like that, fewer that would take a human heart but… ah here we go."

When she opened her email and looked over the picture, she took a sharp breath. "Jesus, this must have been a hell of a mess."

"That's how it goes. You ever see that symbol before?"

"Yeah, it's a sigil." She bit her lip, thinking over the implications of this. It was symbol she'd only seen in books, ancient book with ancient spells. It wasn't something someone would likely stumble upon or cast by accident. She felt that bubble of worry for Dean and Sam again. "Where did you find this?"

"At the girl's apartment, dripped into the carpet in her own blood."

"You saw that in the blood splatter? Hmmm," she gave him an impressed little hum, "that takes a sharp eye.

"I do have at least a small handful of skills here." It was teasing but he took the compliment because it was from her and he thought perhaps the part she didn't way was that she didn't know if she would have seen it.

"Yeah well… you are dealing with some serious shit here Dean."

"Serious like how?"

"You ever heard of a daeva?"

"Sure." He paused, clearing his throat at the blatant lie, "But Sam might not know. So… why not give me your take on it so I can… tell him."

"Right," she said with a laugh, "well depending on the texts you read they run the gamut from false gods to chaos demons to the personification of every imaginable evil."

"So… great."

"Exactly. But they're old, like really old. If that's what you're up against," she sighed, "well…I don't know why anyone would do that, why anyone would summon something like that."

"I think we both know the answer to that Mae." He sighed, scrubbing his face for a moment, "So how do you kill one?"

She shook her head and took a long sigh. "Like I said, these things are… ancient, Zoroastrian to be exact. It's old and _if_ these things can be killed… I can look but I can't promise you anything."

Dean nodded, closed his eyes for another moment. "Yeah, I know you can't but… well I guess you looking is more than enough. But there has to be a way to kill these things."

"Maybe but… you still have to deal with the fact that they're not acting of their own volition here. For them to be summoned, they're being controlled and you tell me how you control chaos. I think the least of your problems are the daevas. I mean, no matter how you cut it, these things are tough. Frankly, I think they'd tear through you before you could even get close enough to kill one."

"That sounds reassuring."

"You couldn't just tell me you'll walk away from this, could you?"

"I could, it'd be a lie but I could tell you that. Besides, you wouldn't walk away if you were here and we can't. We walk away, more people die-"

"I know, Dean, I know. You have a better chance than anyone else. That doesn't mean I have to like it."

"I appreciate that you don't. I wish you were here. I don't mean so that you could get caught in all this but… I just miss you."

He heard her little sigh, finding it somehow reassuring. "I miss you too."

The line went silent for a while and they listened to the quiet breathing of the other. It wasn't an awkward silence but it was a heavily weighted one. There were promises, offers and requests that hung in that quite. Neither Mae nor Dean could quite convince themselves to speak any of them. "How the hell do you know all this anyway?" he said instead.

"I'm just that good handsome."

He chuckled before he sighed. "So a daeva, that's what you think this is?"

"Looking at that symbol, it's my best guess. I can look into it from here, let you know anything I find."

There was work to be done, he reminded himself. He still had to check in with Sam so it was best to tie this conversation with Mae up for the time being. "I'll do the same. I guess it looks like I've got a thrilling night ahead of me."

Her laughter was light, friendly. "Where's Sam? Don't you let him do the leg work?"

"Hey, I thought it was pretty obvious that I can put something like this together. I'm not completely inept here Maeby."

"No I know." She smiled a little to herself, "I just… figured he was the research guy."

And if their positions were reversed, Sam would have been doing the research. Dean still thought, even if Sam thought there was something fishy about Meg, that it was good for him to get out. The run down he'd done on her proved that she was a real girl. "Yeah well… Sammy is actually out with a girl."

"He's out with a girl? Well that sounds… off."

"Okay he's staking out her apartment but still."

Mae laughed. "Your brother is stalking some girl and who's idea was this? Did the pair of you switch places? Is he trying to… what's he trying to do?"

"He met this girl, Meg, a while back and running into her now is just too weird. It's… there's something up with it. But she's still hot so it wouldn't be the worst if he—if he got a little more comfortable."

He could almost hear her head shake. Only she didn't say what he was expecting her to say. "With a girl you don't trust? Why would you do that?"

"Well… I mean… it's fine, she's hot and it's Sam." He wasn't expecting her to question his intentions. Besides, it was Sam's idea. Sam wanted to track her down, Sam wanted to find out the truth about her.

"You are so weird."

"Why is that weird?"

She huffed, feeling a hodgepodge of emotions she couldn't even name. "It sounds like you're more worried about getting your brother laid than you are about this case. Are you your brother's pimp or something?"

"You know that's not true. He's the one who thinks there's a problem with her. I'm not making him do anything. You think he shouldn't try and get out more?"

"Of course not. I just… shouldn't he decide."

He wasn't sure if she was trying to pick a fight or if this was some sort of sisterly affection she had for his brother and she was worried about Sam. But he most certainly didn't want to fight with her over this. "Hey, I did not pick her out. He met her, months ago I should add, and she likes him. I don't see the problem."

"I don't know, maybe nothing but I guessing he's uncomfortable with the whole thing."

"Sure but… he's not going to get over Jessica if he doesn't try. It's hard enough that we're hunting down the demon that killed her. I think it's good for him to get out there."

"To stalk a girl?"

"Okay, maybe he could do better but we still have to figure out if she's on our side or not."

"I suppose. I guess I'm not really one to talk about weird relationships in this line of work."

"I have never stalked you." He joked.

"You did used to peep on me."

"Oh I'd still do that." She laughed, this time she didn't blush with embarrassment but flushed ever so slightly with the thought of him watching her, wanting to watch her. "So… what are you wearing now Mae? I'm picturing something… lacy. And pink."

"Lacy and pink? I guessing that picture you have in your deviant little mind is way, way more attractive than reality."

"Oh c'mon just play with me."

"Dean… don't. I'm really not ready for that. Uh, if you want my help, you should let me get down to it so… I'll give you a call later."

He was a little turned on by the prospect, disappointed that she didn't want to play along but he heard something in her voice. Something that sounded a lot like nervousness laced with desire. Maybe that was just his hope but he had always found that tone suspiciously arousing. This time it seemed promising.

"You're right, we shouldn't mix business with pleasure. I'll talk to you soon then."

~X~X~X~

The call from Dean alone would have been enough, she thought. He'd called her a few hours after he had asked for her help doing some research. This time he asked for help, laid out the situation with Meg, who at the very least was in collusion with one or more demons and very probably linked back to the one that killed their mother. It would have been enough to convince her to come to his aid. Not that she would have put it like that exactly because it wasn't about a case or a phone call. It was about whatever was between them. He told her he loved her and she knew he meant it. She felt it too. The only difference was she wasn't brave enough to say it.

It was getting more and more difficult to keep herself from saying something so ridiculously true. He loved her, she loved him. Frankly, it would have been easier to fight. It kept her mind off the things she couldn't deny anymore. Things were actually going pretty well between them. The phone calls… their little conversations and precarious flirting all seemed to be going like it should.

She wanted to see him again. She wanted this to be more than just phone calls and toying. She wanted that flirting to be more than just words and empty promises. She wanted him . So at that point, she would have come for the flimsiest of reason. But it seemed like there was a real reason that had nothing to do with how she felt or how he felt.

From what she could tell, they could be facing something major. Something dangerous.

She didn't know where he was, where the boys were at that moment. So she went to the motel Dean said they were staying since neither Dean or Sam answered their phones. Of course, knowing where they were staying didn't mean that knew what name they were going by. Picking the lock was easy enough. Fortunately for her, they didn't tend to stay in the sort of places that had updated their technology much past physical keys.

As it turned out, she wasn't the only one who had that idea.

He'd only gotten a brief glimpse of the figure before he moved to the side of the doorway after hear the sound of the tumblers as the lock was picked. Slim, tall and a tumble of red hair was all he saw. He assumed he knew who it was. Still it wasn't a time to take chances or assume anything. For all he knew, Mae was the demon he was looking for. If things had gone as he's hoped between the girl and his son, his boys would likely have trusted her.

"Hold it right there sweetheart." She hadn't been as quiet or as subtle she realized when she broke into room.

Only it wasn't Dean or even Sam holding the gun to her temple. He stood just out of her line of sight. The voice was gruff, gravely, vaguely familiar but the room was still dark and far too quiet. She hazarded a guess. "Hey John."

She felt the barrel of the gun drop away from her temple. "Mavis? What are you doing here?"

"I heard about the boys and the daevas. I thought I could- I should help. What about you?"

The acid in her tone was more than evident and he could picture the chill in her eyes. It was a look she'd been able to pull off even as a child.

"They're my boys."

Her expression said she didn't buy that excuse. Or that she didn't care for it but before she could say whatever snide comment was on the tip of her tongue, they heard voices in the hall. It was unmistakably Sam and Dean. She froze, not sure what to make of this situation.

She was perhaps too sensitive to what Dean might think of it. Despite the fact that it was 100% innocent and had lasted only a handful of minutes, she had no desire to replay more painful incidences. She stepped to the side, trying to put as much distance between her and John Winchester.

The key turned in the lock and the door opened. She felt like she was hiding, like she had been caught doing something she shouldn't have. And sure, she did break in but she wasn't the first one to do it. She opened her mouth to say something since after all, they weren't the sort of people who liked surprises and she had already had one gun pointed at her head that night.

But Dean noticed either or John first and called out. "Hey!"

It wasn't her he had noticed as Sam hit the lights and John turned. In the light, she took a backseat to the reunion and she didn't want to intercede. The boys hadn't seen their bather in quite some time. She knew Sam had to have missed his father, no matter how terse their relationship was. At the very least he was glad to see his father after all the searching and everything that had gone on.

But Dean was a different story. Dean made no druthers about his feelings for his dad, about his feelings on family and it was his face she watched.

"Dad."

"Hey boys."

She smiled to herself mostly, still lingering in the background as Dean crossed the room without hesitation to greet his father. Her eyes flicked over to Sam who remained by the door. She didn't think anyone could have felt more uncomfortable than she did but the youngest Winchester might have still been in the running. It was Sam who took note of her first but rather than saying anything, he offered her a small smile and raised hand. She returned it. After all, it wasn't her moment.

But Sam couldn't stop looking at her, maybe because that was easier than looking at his dad or his brother right then. She'd made good time he thought. Because Dean had asked her. She'd come every damn time they'd asked for her help. That meant something, to him anyway. Sam knew this wasn't the time to be pointing out that the same couldn't be said for the father or the mixed torrent of emotions he was feelings. Still, it was nice to know they could count on her.

She and Sam both moved closer as John and Dean embraced and shifted so she and Dean were on one side of the room, Sam and his dad were on the other for a moment. He looked over at her with so many questions. She knew some of them were legit but some of them had to be skirting that area of their past that she didn't want to get back into. It was awkward all around. The thing that confused her was his greeting.

After the questions left his eyes he said, 'hey'. Then looked away. A thousand things could have been layered in that response but all she felt was a coldness and distance between them. That was not what she had expected as a greeting. The ways it played out in her head were always at a minimum friendly, more often than not they veered into something far more passionate. She knew it wouldn't be x-rated but she didn't think it would be so… nothing.

She kept her eyes focused on the side of his face trying to figure out what exactly she had done to make him mad. It seemed like she was the only one doing that.

"Hi Sam." John said.

"Hey dad.

Sam set the bag of supplies on the floor and despite the high emotions, everything transitioned from reunion to debriefing in a heartbeat.

"Dad, it was a trap. I didn't know. I'm sorry."

"It's alright. I thought it mighta been." His tight lipped smile was forgiving, accepting.

Mae let her gaze go back to John. He looked tired, sounded tired although there had been a significant distance put between them. And for good reason. So it might not have been a recent change. She had to look away again, focusing this time on an indistinct section of the floor. God, there were a million other places she wanted to be right then.

"Were you there?" Dean asked.

It was a good question. She'd gotten to Chicago and to the motel with no time to find out where the boys were. From the looks of them, they'd been in the thick of it too. Yet, if John had been there, he'd managed to beat her to the motel, if only by a few minutes.

"I got there just in time to see the girl take the swan dive. She was the bad guy, right?"

They answered with trained precision. "Yes sir."

"Good. Well, doesn't surprise me. It's tried to stop me before."

It made her itch, just a little. It all made her uncomfortable and suspicious, not of John but of the entire situation. She didn't know exactly what he'd been doing the past few months but as many problems has he might have run up against, he hadn't made waves. She hadn't heard anything from him, from his search, nothing.

"The demon has?" Sam asked.

"It knows I'm close. It knows I'm gonna kill it. Not just exorcise it or send it back to hell—actually kill it."

"How?" Dean and Mae asked it at the same time, her tone more accusatory than his son's.

John gave them both a kind smile, one that held more than a few secrets. "I'm workin' on that."

"You can't kill a demon. You can trap them, send them back to hell but they can get back out if they want to."

He wasn't used to her being quite so confrontational but things changed and for the time being, he would let her insubordination pass.

"There's a solution to every problem."

Her eyes sparked with interest, challenge and annoyance. She didn't push any further. It wasn't time to fight with John and maybe he had a real answer. She would have loved to have that answer. If he could figure out a way to kill a demon, she would be insanely grateful.

"Let us come with you. We'll help." Sam said, eager and needing to get involved in the fight. This was the fight he wanted to be a part of. Dean's warning look passed from burning a hole in the side of her face to being focused on his brother.

"No, Sam. Not yet. Just try to understand. This demon is a scary son of a bitch. I don't want you caught in a crossfire. I don't want you hurt."

It was impossible to anticipate what John was going to say. She was actually expecting him to order them somewhere, hunt down something else. She didn't know if it was going to be the demon or something else. And when she said 'them', she meant the boys. She didn't know what her role in this would be.

"Dad, you don't have to worry about us."

"Of course I do. I'm your father. Listen, Sammy, last time we were together, we had one hell of a fight."

"Yes, sir."

"It's good to see you again. It's been a long time."

"Too long." Sam and John finally embraced, a far more emotional gesture than the hug between Dean and John, if only because it had been so long in the making.

Out of nowhere, John went flying back and into the cabinets. She looked over at Dean, then to Sam who also was moved by the invisible force.

"What the hell is going on?" Mae asked anyone who would listen.

Sam and John were in no position to answer and Dean didn't have time to answer. He just yelled. "No!" Then when flying.

It was only a moment more before the invisible force flung her against the wall too. She'd been possessed and tossed around by demons before but this was far worse. This wasn't just an invisible force that tossed her across the room. It dug into her flesh with nails and teeth, ripping at her. And there was no way to fight it. You couldn't get ahold of it or see it. Like she assumed, getting close enough to one to do anything meant being torn into.

Neither Sam nor Dean nor John could get control of anything and they were all tossed around, back and forth through the room. The scratches on their faces seemed to appear out of nowhere but they felt very physical. Sam managed to get free and get enough of his bearings together to make his way to the bag of weapons he'd dropped on the floor. He removed a flare from the bag.

"Shut your eyes!" He called out, "these things are shadow demons, so let's light 'em up!"

He lit the flare, sending the room into blinding white light and smoke. He must have been able to see her before or perhaps his hand came upon hers by accident but he took her hand his as they coughed and sputtered in an attempt to find the door. She let him lead the way because she felt a huge pain in her side.

Dean called out for John. He'd taken a number of hits by then, some of them looked pretty bad and he might not have come out on top of that skirmish.

"Over here!" John replied. The two of them were closer to the door than she and Sam had been so when Dean helped their dad to his feet, Mae and Sam followed, Sam remembering to take the duffle bag full of arms with them.

Sam kept tugging her behind him. She wasn't sure it was more for his own sake or for hers. Her breathing was a little labored but that could have been the adrenalin, the smoke or the pain in her side. Either way, she was grateful that he led the way out of the motel and down the alley where they had most conveniently parked.

He threw his bag in the backseat of the Impala before he finally let go of her wrist. "All right, come on. We don't have much time. As soon as the flare's out, they'll be back."

He was right. They hadn't defeated the daevas, just delayed them and gave them enough time to make their escape. With a sigh, Mae leaned up again the car for a second. She would gather herself back together and then be ready to roll again.

"Wait, wait. Sam, wait. Dad, you can't come with us."

It surprised her and Sam. Dean was the last person either of them thought would say those words. "What? What are you talkin' about?" Sam asked.

"You boys—you're beat to hell." John spoke the truth but then they all were. Those daevas took a pretty good chunk out of all of them.

"We'll be all right." Dean said

"Dean, we should stick together. We'll go after those demons—"

"Sam! Listen to me! We almost got Dad killed in there. Don't you understand? They're not gonna stop, they're gonna try again. They're gonna use us to get to him. I mean, Meg was right. Dad's vulnerable when he's with us. He's—he's stronger without us around."

Mae wasn't sure when exactly he'd come to that conclusion. It was pretty recent, after all Dean had been in the process of drawing his family closer, not breaking them apart. Not that she didn't agree in some aspect. Hell, she'd lived by the doctrine that it was easier to hunt solo. It was only recently that she was beginning to rethink that. But then in the few minutes they'd all been together, they had gotten it pretty bad.

Sam wasn't on the same track that she and Dean were on right then. "Dad, no." He put a hand on his father's shoulder. "After everything, after all the time we spent lookin' for you—please. I gotta be a part of this fight."

"Sammy, this fight is just starting. And we are all gonna have a part to play. For now, you've got to trust me, son. Okay, you've gotta let me go." It wasn't particularly easy, for any of them even though it was right. Sam finally moved his hand to pat his father's shoulder, walking away from the fight that could have started.

Mae looked down at her feel, not wanting to be in the middle of the Winchesters. John however tried to catch her eye, if only to apologize to her but she refused to look up. There wasn't time to deal with that issue right then but God, he wanted to. Instead, he and Dean exchanged a meaningful look before John turned back to his truck.

Once there, he looked back at them one more time. "You three be careful."

The three of them looked back with a nearly synchronous nod. They lingered a moment before his truck started. Dean finally turned and looked at Mae. He spoke to her for the first time since he'd seen her. "Are you alright babe?"

She nodded, unconvincingly and he wasn't sure if it was because she was hurt physically or emotionally.

"Come with us?" She wanted to argue, she did but she wasn't feeling up to it yet. He reached out, not sure this was the best time for this or that there was even anything really going on but he needed her to snap out of it. He touched her arm, squeezing her bicep slightly.

Her eyes focused back on his finally. "Yeah, okay. I'll follow you."

Dean frowned. He'd meant with them not in her car but then again there wasn't much point in leaving anything here. And she had driven all the way out here to help them. Again, she nodded, squaring her shoulders and pulling all of her emotions and physical pain in closer.

"Okay. Come on." He said to Sam as she crossed the alley to her car.

He and Sam got into the Impala and watched as their father drove off. Dean looked over at Mae's mustang. With a deep breath, he looked over at his brother, who was looking over at him. He couldn't tell exactly what he was thinking but he wasn't sure he wanted to know. He started the car and headed down the street, followed by Mae.

* * *

A/N- This wasn't where I planned to take this story but I just felt like it fit for some reason. The down side of that was I had to write a ton more! Just kidding, I loved it. Hopefully you did too. The next part it a little more fun ;)


	11. Swing Your Heartache

Why Won't You Stay?— Swing Your Heartache

Disclaimers- I don't own anything except the voices in my head!

Summary/Spoilers: Takes place right after Shadow and the last chapter.

* * *

We do not believe that love is free  
cause anything worth fighting for doesn't come for free  
we believe in time that you will see  
how a war might save us  
how a war might save us  
we believe in time that you will see  
the institutions of the world will only serve to enslave us.

it's time for you and I to face the signs and realize that living's a battle  
for all the times we cried and told the lies and realized life's not a rehearsal

come on babe, swing your heartache

* * *

As she drummed her fingers on the steering wheel, she tried not to be mad. She really did. She wanted to try to shrug off the feeling that he was having doubts. The man was allowed to have doubts. Hell, he was allowed to call the whole thing off if that's what he wanted. There was no formal or informal agreement between them. The only thing that was certain was the fact that there was something undeniable between them. He had put up with all her doubts, all her hesitations and her outright fears. And he kept coming back for more. She owed him at least that much.

What got to her was that only in that one instance-in seeing her with his dad-that Dean shirked and shied away from her. It wasn't something she expected, at least not from him. It wasn't just her awkwardness and nerves either. The situation was almost unbearably uncomfortable but she tried to suck it up. And that tension she had felt might have been lessened by Dean giving her a slight smile or reached out and touched her hand for a second. She wasn't asking for much but evidently that was too much right then.

She wasn't going to stand between Dean and his father. She didn't even want to. It wasn't that she was mad at Dean or John or anyone else. Maybe given enough time, everything could have been sorted out between all three of them. But in that short period of time they were together, she had wanted a little something more, a little consideration.

Some part of her could understand the cold shoulder but that didn't mean she liked it. It made her feel like he didn't trust her. And maybe he didn't. Maybe he didn't trust his father or it could have been a million other things that made him disregard her the second he saw his father. They were in the middle of a job, one that from their brief conversation had triggered a few things for both boys. Then finally finding their father there in their room it could not have made things better.

So many doubts were swirling around and around in her head, it was reassuring to find herself behind the wheel. She didn't even know where they were going. Dean had asked to come with him and she did, without a second thought. How strange, that their positions had so easily flipped. How strange that she wanted nothing more than to see him again, touch him and he couldn't find it comfortable. But it wasn't completely unexpected.

Between the three of them, they looked like that had gone through the ringer after the attack. And she thought it was probably difficult for Dean to decide it was too dangerous for all of them to be together. Yet he still wanted her to come with them. She didn't know what to think. It was logical that they should all split up but at the same time, it wasn't a risk any of them wanted to take. She knew it by the tone in his voice that he didn't want them to separate.

In the end, she was just upset about being slighted. Her feelings had been hurt. She knew well enough that there was only a mine field of issues with bringing it up. And this wasn't a fight she wanted to have. Maybe there wasn't an issue. Maybe Dean was just feeling the weight of what had happened recently and maybe it didn't have anything to do with her. She hoped for that, considering the flood of emotions that came with their issues. If she let it, that feeling would go away, she knew it would. She just didn't like having to be in this particular situation for it.

* * *

They drove, for about three hours, south east to Crawfordsville, Indiana. Dean pulled into a parking space in the nearest, cheap and possibly sleazy motel. Dean got out of the car and she did likewise. The weird part, she thought was that he signaled her to stay back before he made his way to the clerk's office.

She looked over at Sam as he got out of the Impala too and they both exchanged that questioning look. "Crawfordsville?" She asked.

Sam only shrugged. "You've got me but we could use the rest."

"Yeah… you know, for a second, I thought maybe he was trying to track down the Crawfordsville monster." It was a ridiculous conclusion considering what had happened and an absurd hope.

Smirking a bit, he brushed the hair out of his face. "You might think."

The frown on her face said she had more than enough on her mind to find more than cursory humor in any of it. She didn't want to be 'that girl' focusing on quaint relationship issues but she couldn't stop herself. "He say anything to you on the way over? Or anything else… lately?"

He felt a little pang of sympathy for her, that expression on her face told him far too much about her feelings. She wasn't even trying to hide it. While there could have been any number of things she meant by that, unfortunately for him he only had one answer and he shook his head. "No, not much of anything. I'm sorry."

Her eyes were sadder as her lips firmed and jaw squared. "No matter. It doesn't—it's been a long night so we… I'm just looking forward to a hot shower and a couple hours of sleep. I'm sure you and Dean are too."

"Yeah," he cleared his throat, trying to come up with something more to say, "You made good time getting to Chicago. I didn't have a chance to thank you for that."

She didn't feel particularly deserving of that thanks. Sighing, she raked her hand through her hair, a gesture that always gave away her frustration. "I didn't get there in time. Maybe if I had…" this time she sighed, "well, we all got our asses handed to us and aren't any further ahead than we were before."

His temper flared. "I think we're closer to catching that son of a bitch that killed our mom, my girlfriend, than ever before. Don't you see that? We should be out there, looking for that demon, not here dicking around! Besides, if you don't like it, you can leave. This isn't your fight."

There wasn't much she could deny in his statement. The demon didn't kill her mother or her father. It didn't take anyone from her the way it did the boys. But they were her friends and she still considered them family and since she had the skills she needed, she figured she could help. "I don't know what-"

Dean walked up then, cutting whatever Mae was going to say short. Sam wanted to know whatever else she might say, he wanted to fight with someone right then and it might as well have been her. But like always his brother drew her attention. She turned to Dean, taking note of the fact that he looked like hell. The three of them had to look damn near insane together. They were all bloodied and bruised, scraped and cut up. The boys had scratches and cuts all over their faces and while she hadn't looked at herself in the mirror, she knew she had a fair share of cuts over her cheeks and throat.

"Got us a couple of rooms." He held up two keys, dangling from his hooked fingers. He tried to pull off a rakish look as he locked eyes with her but knew he wasn't able to pull it off as well as usual.

It was a gamble, Dean thought, when he'd gotten the rooms. It could have gone any number of ways and while it would have satisfied his ego to get one room, he wasn't sure it would have been a great idea. She might have been too angry or annoyed with him to put up with that and he didn't want to open old wounds tonight. Sharing a bed with her would have been a sweet relief.

There was however that little ray of hope he had that she might take a room to share with him, just him. There was a chance he could have her all to himself that night. Of course, she probably didn't want anything physical since she'd been ripped up more than was comfortable.

"Thanks. You really didn't have to do that." She said as she took one of the room keys from him.

He wanted to take ahold of her lovely hand, pull her close but he didn't. He just let her take the key. "It's not a problem."

* * *

There were few times when she felt quite as foolish as she did now. It wasn't the job; it wasn't even feeling like they had failed. It wasn't even realizing they had been played expertly. No, she felt stupid because she couldn't act normal around him right then. She couldn't act the way she wanted, the way she hoped all because she felt snubbed. "Stupid," she muttered to herself as she closed the motel room door.

By the morning, she would probably feel a little less absurd. For now, she would take a long hot shower, clean herself up and go to bed. When she woke up, maybe it wouldn't be so weird to talk to Dean, maybe they wouldn't even have to talk. Of course, she really didn't think that would happen. Knowing her luck, they'd get together and he would tell her that he realized he had made a mistake. He would tell her that seeing her and John together convinced him that it would never be okay and for everything they'd said and resolved the past few months, there wasn't anything that could make him comfortable.

He had every right to feel that and to tell her that, ever right. It wasn't something she wanted to push. IT had only been recently that she had wanted more. Something about Dean had made her want more than a casual relationship, a fling or even friendship. And maybe that was why this can all happened. Her luck when it came to men was downright sour.

That made her feel all the more foolish. She had tried to grab ahold of something she had lost a long time ago, something she had push away for a long time. What made her think she could have it again? Those thoughts turned over in her mind, leaving her to mutter various curses as she dragged her duffle bag in to the bathroom and took her long shower.

After the shower, she cleaned the cuts she'd gotten in that one sided fight. They were fairly superficial but there wasn't much to do to disguise them. Oh well, she thought as she applied the antiseptic cream, they would heal in a few days. She didn't look at herself at any great length after that, grabbing her pajamas and turning off the bathroom light.

The room was dark, illuminated only by the thin strip of light cast from the sharp, yellow of the streetlamps in the parking lot through the heavy, polyester drapes that didn't close all the way. She just wanted to get some sleep right then. Turning down the bed, she slid under the covers. She knew she wouldn't get a particularly restful sleep. She would sleep because she was exhausted but not because she was comfortable.

The sheets were too scratchy, too crisp. The mattress was too firm, the walls too thin and it didn't come close to smelling like home. Not that she hated all hotels, most of the time she liked getting away from the house. Tonight was different and made her miss her own bed, her own surroundings and her own everything.

The room was unnervingly quiet. Not quite quiet, in fact, she could hear the TV from the next room, the settling of the rooms, the creaking of the bed when she would shift, the dull buzz of highway traffic and her own rambling thoughts.

When it came, she knew the knock on the door could only be Dean. No one else knew they were here and aside from the desk clerk they hadn't even spoken to anyone else in part because the three of them looked a mess. They had not gotten anything to eat, they just went to their rooms. She switched on the bedside lamp and threw the covers back. Mae didn't even arm herself as she went to the door.

She was right. Dean stood at her door and he opened his mouth to say something but caught himself as he let his eyes ease down her frame. It always surprised him just how skinny she was, skinny but muscular. She was wearing a white tank top and short. He loved her legs—long, strong, slim and perfectly shaped. It distracted him for a moment but he tried to bring his gaze up to her face again as quickly as he could. "Hey."

"Hey." She sounded tired but she looked better now that she had washed off the blood. The gashes still stood out angrily on her pale skin but she looked less like she had just lost a bar fight. If she had taken a room with him, he would have to take care of her himself. Dean knew she was more than capable of cleaning but he had a strange compulsion to take care of her. It was a feeling that he'd developed early on, perhaps because she wasn't that much older than his brother or maybe because she was a girl. He never really knew why, never asked himself why before; it was a natural impulse.

It was stronger that night. He'd debated going to her room. It was a stupid idea, he thought. Mae didn't want him around right then and it would save himself some grief if he just went to bed. Seeing her brought up yet another urge he had he didn't entirely understand. It could have been a strain of masochism or something similar that drove the need to be near her with almost no hope that they would ever get to the place he wanted to be with her. And it hadn't been very long before he his need to talk to her overcame him. He could have left her to stew longer or attempted to let this entire feeling pass into the background but he wasn't the wait and see type

He had hoped that she hadn't noticed his weird behavior back at the motel when they'd met up with his dad. His luck didn't run that way of course. And she had. It would have been difficult not to, he thought. Even when they were fighting, he never just ignored her. They were getting along this time and just trying to meet up. She was trying to help him. In that instant, he didn't think about that. He wasn't even thinking about her and his dad so much, only that the whole situation was awkward. It seemed she was responding to it appropriately.

Dean wondered if it was his fault that she was reacting this way. He couldn't help it. It hadn't been planned and damned if he couldn't control it. If it happened all over again, he wouldn't be able to control it. But he didn't come over to her room just to lament or list all the ways he was failing with her. He wasn't trying to put more distance between them. "Can I come in?"

She hesitated for a moment, her arms folded protectively over her chest and the soft looking cotton of her tank top. Her face hard and impassive for a moment before it softened and she took a step back. "Do you need something?"

It wasn't exactly a welcoming offer but she wasn't making him leave either. He sighed, shook his head. "I just wanted to check on you."

"I don't—" she cut herself off. It wasn't prudent to argue with him or lash out. This time, her eyebrow quirked and she let the argument drop. "Yeah, I'm okay. Bruised body, bruised ego… nothing that a few hours of sleep won't fix. You an' Sam?"

"About the same."

Chit chat wasn't going to work and she stayed icy as he spoke, as he shifted nervously. She didn't seem to have anything more to say. They fell into a terse silence. Dean tucked his hands in his pockets. Her room looked the same as his but he still took a wandering glance over the walls, the beds, the small table. Everything was the same. But it was different because she was there. He wanted to be there with her more than he wanted to be in the room he was sharing with his brother. He and Mae could have been having the worst fight and it would have been better.

There was way too much tension in the room with Sam. At least fighting with Mae was exciting, infuriating but still exciting. It led somewhere and their tempers always flared closer to lust and passion than they did towards rage. Anger sure but not rage. It would have been a welcome relief. With enough time, they'd stop fighting and maybe he could get her back the flirtatious need of their phone calls. Instead, they were stuck at awkward. They kept trying not to fight or argue or upset the precarious balance they had established.

Her eyes scanned his face. He'd looked better but clearly he was fine and in a few days you might not even notice the cuts. All the same, the man was handsome as ever. Those primal urges that flew through her brain made her all the more uncomfortable. Her body just didn't catch on too quickly. It wasn't just a physical reaction either. Her heat a little faster and ached a little deeper when she was around him, knowing things were still so uncertain between them. She wanted to… well, she thought, part of the problem was she didn't know what she wanted. She just knew it wasn't this. "Dean, I'm really tired, can't I just go to bed?"

"Yeah." He said it with a reluctant sigh but he made no move to leave since he hadn't addressed what he needed to tell her. "I just want to talk about… today."

Today was the last thing she wanted to talk about. This was one of those things she wanted to let fade into the background. She wasn't sure why he wouldn't just take the out and let it drop. Her eyes dropped away from his with a slight shake of her head. Maybe he was referring to something else . It was possible, she decided, that he wanted to talk about everything that happened that had nothing to do with her. That would have been preferable. Because she didn't know where he was going with this and she didn't want to kick him out, she turned away from him, moving from the door. "A lot happened today."

Knowing that was the best invitation he was bound to get, Dean stepped inside and shut the door behind him. If she were angry, she would lash out and that anger would burn itself out in no time. But she was almost mousy around him which was worse. That sort of hurt could fester for a long time. That was what worried him more. "C'mon. Don't be like that," he implored, "I'm too beat up to find it cute. I know you're upset, Red."

She paused for a while and since her back was still towards him, she let herself smirk a little. "You totally find it cute," She turned back around, affection for him outweighing her discomfort, "But I'm trying not to start a fight, okay? Whatever happened today, it's fine. It doesn't bother me that much."

His fears had been confirmed by the sheer fact that neither of them had to name what was bothering her. He'd hoped that wasn't the case but he didn't tend to get what he wanted when it came to her. "But it does bother you."

She was quiet and even she tried to avoid answering by avoiding eye contact he had he pinned. "Yeah, a little. I'll get over it because it's stupid."

"Hey, I'm trying to apologize here, not get you to get over it."

"You didn't do anything wrong. Really. You just… my feelings just got hurt a little because while yeah this wasn't a pleasure cruise or anything, I thought I'd at least merit a handshake or something after…" She sighed, "everything. But that's just pride; it's just me wanting something I didn't get. So, I'll get over it.

That didn't matter to him. He appreciated that she didn't think it was a mindful and conspicuous move on his part but Dean wanted to ask forgiveness, he wanted to explain itself. It wasn't what he would normally do with someone, except his brother or his father. Then again, he had never been in a situation like this. He would apologize to anyone he cared about if he thought he'd done something wrong. He needed to take care of this.

"I don't want—okay, I don't really know why I froze up but it wasn't on purpose. I wasn't trying to signal something to you or make a statement. I think part of it was, I didn't know what to do exactly. The last time the three of us were in a room together… it didn't go well."

She smiled that sadly knowing smile that had an odd power to make his heart ache. "I know. I get it and I thought that might be part of it. I felt it too. I understood. Like I said, my feeling were hurt but I can get over hurt feelings. We can let it go. So are we having an argument about not having a fight?"

The thought made him laugh. That natural pattern of give and take had yet to come back but he could see hints of it. He took note of how she much she was trying. She pulled herself back from her defensive reactions. It made her seem almost shy, less harsh, kindhearted. He reached out to push her hair behind her ear but halfway through the movement, dropped his hand to his side. He wasn't sure if he could freely touch her yet.

"I guess we are. Or we're fight about something neither of us wants to fight about because it's not an issue," he sighed, "Can we start over?"

Her lips curved up and there was a little twinkle in her eye as she tried to relax a little. "How far are you trying to go back?"

Very gently he laid two fingers under her chin, mindful of the cuts on her neck, he tilted her head up. "To right about here."

He leaned in to kiss her, sweetly, affectionately. The kiss was an unexpected gesture at that point. It took more than a little courage to do it right then, knowing that it could back fire on him. And it was a stranger move considering he had hesitated in playing with her hair.

It was however more like what she wanted when she saw him again. Dean was warm and while he didn't smell great, he smelled familiar. It was that strange mix of sweat, leather, charcoal, sulfur, blood, and that musky undertone of his natural scent. He hadn't showered first thing when he got to his room like she had. She thought he must have either been arguing with Sam or pacing back and forth worrying about talking to her. Now, he was holding her, kissing her and making her forget everything she had previously felt. He was skilled but it wasn't just the dexterous exchange of tongues but the way he took his time and drew out the moment.

Like second nature, she wrapped her arms over his shoulder to draw them closer together. There was no spell that sent her pulse racing and flooded her with desire. This was just what he did to her. His hands found their home at the small of her back pressing her hips flush against his when one of her hands slid up his neck and threaded through his hair. Her hair was still a little damp.

He wouldn't have had the chance to do this with her back in Chicago, not with his father there and not with Meg and her shadow demons. Even if she had arrived when Sam was the only other person, he might not have been able to seize the moment. Still knowing that, he hated he had to miss out on this even once. Kissing her was unlike kissing any other woman and it was addictive.

So while he intended that kiss to be friendly rather than passionate having her in his arms finally, it was impossible to not push things further. He couldn't help it. He needed her, he wanted her with a consuming passion. The kiss didn't go on too long before his arousal was clear and insistent against her. It was a bit alarming, not the feeling but that it happened without a great deal of stimulation. Although, she was aware that Dean didn't need a lot of build up to get stir up.

From time to time still, it was hard to tell if what they felt was just one sided. This was not one of them. If they could have found that connection when they weren't on the verge of fervent sex, it would have made them act less erratic together. It was a thought that crossed both of their minds, if only for a fraction of a second.

Mae found herself deeply in need of the contact with him. While her mind said 'no, not now', her body was screaming 'yes, yes, yes'. It felt good to be this close to a man again though. Not just any man but one she genuinely like and was attracted to for more than just his body. But that body wasn't anything to scoff at. He held her tighter, worried that she would slip away, worried that this was just a strange dream.

He walked her backwards, towards the bed. When he hooked his leg behind her knee, he toppled her to the bed and elicited a sharp gasp from her. He followed her, covering her body with his. A voice, a very small voice in his head told him to pull back. It told him he needed to take a breath and reassess the situation. He had not come to her room even expecting to get her to talk with him. He anticipated more of a fight, more work involved in wearing her down.

He didn't think he'd get to kiss her let alone touch her or end up rolling around on her bed. This was a much better outcome. He let one strong, warm hand run up her side only to get a more pronounced gasp coupled with a groan this time as her pressed harder. The first time she had made that sound, he thought it was out of pleasure or excitement and she didn't stop kissing him. This time however she did. He was up on his elbows, taking the brunt of his weight off her slender frame.

"What? What's wrong Maes?"

She took a deep breath, testing herself. She'd been sore, a little uncomfortable but assumed the pain in her side was just aching muscles. The exertion and pressure Dean had placed on her when he tumbled to the bed with her was a sure sign that she was more than just sore. It hurt, not as much as fractured ribs would have but she was pretty sure she had been injured a bit more in that fight than she assumed. "Hell, I must have bruised my ribs."

"Let me see." He didn't wait for her to reply, reaching over to pull up her shirt.

He could shift so easily from lover to protector and he was set on making sure she was okay now. He didn't think much about his actions. However, lifting her shirt high enough to take a look at her ribs meant he raised it high enough to confirm she wasn't wearing a bra under the thin cotton.

"Dude!" She exclaimed as she threw her arm over her chest, sitting up and pulled her shirt back down.

He was caught in that awkward situation being both embarrassed and slightly aroused by the brief exposure of her breasts. She had nice breasts, he thought, nicely sized and shaped, perky and at least in his opinion very inviting. She was slim and he figured, growing up, she would be a lot flatter. She wound up with nice proportions instead. "Sorry, sorry. I guess I thought you were wearing… something under and…"

"Jesus Dean! You can't just…start pulling my clothes off."

It was difficult to be totally upset with him because for a while his cheeks reddened. She wouldn't have called it a blush but he was at least momentarily embarrassed. He bit his tongue, hid the little grin he wanted to make before clearing his throat. "Okay well, I didn't get a great look but it looks like you're a little bruised there."

They were sitting on the edge of the bed now. The earlier movement had surprised her, at least the speed of it did. She knew he wasn't trying anything, mostly because it was so fast. Frowning, she slid her shirt up a little higher, angling her head to get a better view of her torso. Dean shifted to take a look as well. "Damn, I was hoping I was just being a big baby."

"Okay, c'mon." He grabbed her hand pulling her off the bed almost too eagerly she thought. "You have a first aid kit around here?"

"Yeah, everything is in the bathroom. " She letting him pull her in the direction of the bathroom so she could retrieve her bag of supplies. Dean felt better now, being able to do something for her

"Good. You'll be more comfortable once we get those ribs wrapped. You will have to take your shirt off this time." This time he asked or rather told her what he needed. His fingers were grasping the hem of her shirt waiting for her to consent or not.

She huffed. "Hell, it's not like you haven't seen it before.

Dean only smirked at her words and the memory of the number of times he had seen her naked. Unfortunately the past few times she had been injured on incapacitated, not a state he really enjoyed having her in. He wanted her to be healthy and in one piece for once. He got down on one knee in front of her and let her lift up her shirt high enough to get a better look at her ribs without taking it all the way off. It was an unfortunate injury for a woman who wasn't sure if modesty outweighed first aid for the moment. She did cover herself with an arm over her chest, trying to push her breast higher and out of the way.

There was a bruise beginning to darken and spread over her torso. His hand was gentle but firm as he ran it over the area. She shifted away but his grip, even though it was light, didn't let her move away. "That hurt?"

"It's a little tender."

He sighed. "You should probably ice it too."

"Yeah." She cleared her throat, smiled softly at him, "well, this would have been really weird in front of your dad."

He laughed, letting her lighten the mood more. It didn't have to be awkward if they didn't make it that way. He was insanely attracted to her, insanely concerned about her and all he wanted was to get back to normal. He placed his free hand on her hip. His other hand remained on her bare torso longer, moving gently over the pale, bruised flesh. "I'd say. You know this may not be the best time to bring it up but I'm glad you came."

Her lips pressed together if an almost frown as she shook her head. "I should have gotten there sooner. Maybe—"

Dean stood, shaking his head before he pressed his fingers to her lips to silence her. "You wouldn't have been able to get there sooner. And you had no idea where we were so… it's okay. We're all here now."

"We are?"

Sam had been pushing the same argument for the past few hours and he was trying to get away from it. "I don't wanna talk about that right now."

"Okay. For what it's worth though—and then I'll drop it," she said when his soft smile fell, "It was a tough thing you did, not staying with your dad so you know, I think you're a better man since you can make the right choice even when it's the hard choice. It's dangerous for all of us right now. And that Meg chick… dude, what the hell is up with that?"

"Clearly, she's been playing Sam from the moment she met him. She used us to get Dad here and it's him these demons want, not me and Sam. I've missed Dad like crazy but I don't want to be a liability to him." It was an understandable concern and she decided the time apart from his father had done Dean good. Not that it hadn't added stress and worry to his life, it had let him gain a certain sense of perspective. "I'm glad you're here though." He repeated.

She nodded and staying true to her word she didn't say more about it. Dean didn't want to talk about all this and that was fine. He was standing so close to her now, one hand on her hip, the other still on her stomach and those hazel green eyes locked right on hers. "Yeah well… I wanted to be here although I could have done without getting knocked around. Do you think maybe you could get back to my ribs here?"

His eyes eased down for a second, remembering that she was in fact half-dressed and he was unsure how he could so easily forget about that.

"Yeah, sorry."

He opened up the bag that Mae had placed on the counter and found an ace bandage. Dean wrapped her ribs tightly but smoothly. "And seriously," she began when he looked at her with eyes that said he couldn't believe she wouldn't let the issue of his dad drop, "I really am exhausted. I wasn't trying to get you to leave."

Relief eased the tightness on his face with that. It was replaced with a cheeky sort of excitement. "Do you uh, want some company?"

Her eyes rolled and she gave him mock exasperation. "To sleep? It's not a team sport Dean."

He smirked a little, more self-conscious than amused. Maybe it wouldn't be weird to tell her the truth. "You know, even though I got you your own room, I really want to spend the night with you."

Her hesitation wasn't based in not wanting to spend the night with him, she liked that idea. But she wanted sleep, little else. "I.. well, here's the problem; you tend to squeeze me when we sleep together and I think that might keep me up, the pain." She added when he got that lusty glaze in his eyes, "just wrap, okay?"

He continued without a word. It wasn't a yes but it wasn't a no either. It might have been something they could work out. Actually, he was fairly confident that he could talk her into it. He glanced up at her to see that she had her eyes closed as he wrapped the bandage further and further up. Her breathing was a little shallower, not just because of the bruised ribs either and she left herself very open to him. He had to admit, it added an erotic twist to this.

Despite the misstep earlier, he wanted her as much as he did before. It was possible he wanted her more when he thought about her reaction to his gaffe. Things were going well between them. Even so, he still felt guilty. Perhaps because he did have some linger doubts about what happened. He told her he didn't but he was beginning to wonder if that wasn't something he was telling himself too. How many times did the woman you loved sleep with your father? How many times did she push you away with so little explanation?

Now, the longer he was with her the more he was able to focus on what really mattered to him which was that undiluted feeling he'd had for her for most of the years he'd known her. It was hard to deny that he would have done almost anything to rid himself of any feelings of doubt or discomfort when it came to her. He wanted her to be with him. Focusing on the past would do neither of them any good. He knew they needed to focus on what was happening right now with them.

He finished wrapping the ace bandage around her torso and over her breasts as quickly as possible before he stood. She tugged her shirt back down and with open eyes now she kept him in place. "Are you going back to your room?"

He tried to read whatever was behind those lovely eyes but her face was a little too passive. He couldn't tell if she was asking him to stay or leave or figure out what she was really asking with that question. "Do you want me to stay?"

Mae was quiet, pausing several beats before answering. "Yeah, I mean, it's probably best for you to go."

While he wanted to jump at the chance, Dean wasn't sure if she was asking for her or for him. As much as he wanted to talk her into staying with him, he wanted her to come to the conclusion on her own. That meant that there was the chance that she wouldn't want him to stay. "It has been a… weird night."

"I think the real weird nights are the ones where things like this don't happen."

"You're probably right. So… I'll see you in the morning, right?"

Sadly, she nodded, offering him that same forlorn smile that made him ache. "Yeah." She said.

He waited, lingered really, hoping she might change her mind. All she had to say was 'you can stay' or 'I want you to stay' but she didn't. She just looked a little more uncomfortable the longer he looked at her. So, she leaned forward and kissed his uninjured, un-bloodied cheek. "Thanks for checking on me. You should get cleaned up. Unless… do you want me to...?"

She wondered if that was why he was standing there, unmoving. He considered the suggestion and even though it was offered tentatively, he thought he might take it. But then after she was done, he didn't want to end up right back here. "Nah, that's alright. I need a shower anyway, clean clothes and all that. Get some sleep, okay?"

"You too. Have a good night."

After he left her room, walking across the parking lot, he wondered what else he could have done. Was there anything else he could have done to make her act any differently? If there was, he couldn't think of it. Maybe now wasn't the time to change anything between them. Maybe it was too selfish to ask her to let him stay just because he didn't want to share the room with his brother. If she weren't there, he wouldn't have the option of sharing her bed at all.

"Hey," Sam said when his brother entered the room. He was surprised to see Dean. He honestly thought he would end up spending the night with Mae, "What are you doing back… so soon?

"Mae was tired and pretty banged up so… she wanted to go to bed."

"Oh." He didn't know what else to say. "Oh."

"Yeah, well, I'll be in the shower."

"Okay."

He wasn't sure what had happened for his brother but Dean didn't seem like himself. Of course, that could have been due to any number of things. Sam knew right then was not the time to bring up the wisdom of Dean's plan to go separate ways from their dad. Besides, the drive to Crawfordsville hadn't changed anything in his mindset. The more he thought about it, the more Sam decided Dean's mood was related to their Dad and not Mae.

* * *

It only took about 20 minutes before Mae decided that she couldn't sleep. She knew she might have been able to sleep if she tried but she didn't want to sleep. Dean planted seed in her mind and now she couldn't stop thinking about him staying the night. It seemed entirely selfish because she just wanted to take advantage of the way he made her feel. Not that they had spent a great many nights together but the recent sleepovers—she decided they could be called—were peaceful. She felt safe with him. She felt like she could let her guard down and get a decent night's sleep.

The only thing that made her thing it might not be just selfish was the face that Dean had more or less indicated that he wanted to stay too. Quite frankly, it felt like old times. He didn't want to say he missed her, he didn't want to say he wanted to cuddle but he still wanted to. Dean never liked to admit liking the parts of their relationship that were more than sex despite being fairly adept at many of them. He sucked at the dating side, the 'traditional' aspects of dating but he was good when it came to being compassionate, generous and caring. Not that he would confess to most of those words. Maybe generous.

He tended to believe that it was okay to take those things if he were exchanging something, usually sex or protection. When he was in those roles, he didn't feel unworthy of receiving the things every person needed. That was something she had known early on with Dean. It was always a strange balancing act between his self-loathing and her abandonment issues.

This time however, she threw caution to the wind and sent him a text message. She would have called him but she worried Sam would pick up and she didn't want to explain the situation to him. If Sam did answer, she wouldn't be able to hang up and pretend it was a wrong number. The message was the best idea she had. Unfortunately, it left her waiting for him to answer her and even if he had left barely any lag time, she would have worked herself up into another bout of self-doubt.

She lay in bed wondering what Dean was thinking. Or rather, she tossed and turned. It was impossible to figure it out. It wasn't until several minutes later when the knock came at her door that she felt that reprieve she sought. She didn't even care if he was smug about when she answered the door. He did indeed smirk but it was more charming than annoying.

"I uh, I thought you said you were tired. And sleeping wasn't a team sport."

"I guess I thought about it and it seemed… nice."

That self-satisfaction reached his eyes as she moved back to let him inside. He closed and locked the door behind him. "Then I guess to answer your question, I would like to spend the night. But you don't think I'll squeeze too tight, do you?"

The woman giggled and cupped the side of his face. "Don't spoon me."

Amused, he leaned into kiss her forehead. "That takes some of the fun out of it."

"You smell much better now Dean."

"I hope that's not the only thing that was keeping me outta your bed."

"Not the only thing," she said half joking, "I just… I don't have a map for this. I don't know how it's supposed to go. I only know that you mean something to me.

She was so close to telling him she loved him, he thought. So close. But she didn't and while he could have made an issue out of it, he'd rather have her as is. "Well, I just want you to know, this won't happen again."

Perplexed, she shook her head. "I'm pretty sure there's a good chance I'll get hurt again."

"No I mean this thing with my dad. I won't… give you the cold shoulder in front of my dad."

"Dean… I'm not asking you to be overly affectionate or anything. I'm not… I set myself up for something else. I wanted something else but it's not like you did something wrong there. It's okay. I'm uncomfortable around him too."

He reached over to her and ran his hand over her hair. "Let's not get into this now, okay? I could use the sleep and knowing Sam, he'll have us up at 5 in the morning."

"5 am? Well, I might have to shoot your brother if he tries to wake me up the early but I promise I'll just wing him." After the shared a soft laugh, they finally went to be together.

* * *

A/N- Gee, it's been almost a month since I last updated. Yeah… we'll I've been in a weird mood and haven't really felt like updating. Send some love (aka feedback) my way to lift my spirits! Thanks so much, as always for those of you who keep reading! (Also, is anyone still interested in the next installment...it'll get us through the summer!)


	12. Why Won't You Stay?

Why Won't You Stay?

Disclaimers- The same as always

Summary/Spoilers: Takes place right after the last chapter.

* * *

Will this night fulfill all the promises

And bury us in peace  
Will it leave us free and forgetful  
Or at least bring some sleep

Your eyes don't catch the little things  
As they narrow on your fall  
I'm checking your pulse 'cause you're so quiet  
I'm kissing you but you don't feel it

Why do you do this to me?  
Showing me all that I'm good for  
Is to watch you sleep as lifeless as an angel

* * *

He might have assumed she was a succubus. Maybe she was one. There couldn't be many other reasons he liked that found him in bed with a woman he couldn't touch. If she tried to seduce him in any noticeable way, Dean might have taken the thought seriously. With Mae however, it was impossible to know if this was her version of seduction.

Partly, he hoped for succubus because that meant he wasn't just following her around like a love sick puppy. Dean Winchester did not act like this around women. Except for Mae. She had a practically supernatural power over him. He was drawn to her, wanted to be with her and couldn't convince himself that he didn't love her. If she wasn't a succubus, he was just a weak-minded man being controlled by a pretty girl.

He could have rationalized his feeling for her if he got further with her than some heated kissing. Instead, she was able to convince him to accept less than what he wanted with her. Was in penance? What did he have to do to get what he wanted with her?

"I can't sleep." She whispered and she turned to face him.

The room was dark, quieter now and despite his own turmoil he was glad he was there with her. He could still picture the goofy smile that he knew was on her lips. He had been genuinely surprised when Sam told him he'd gotten a message while he was in the shower. For a moment, he thought it might have been their dad. That thought was worse it turned out because there were no positive reasons he would contact them so soon after.

It made him consider if he had made a _huge_ mistake. The demons could have just followed their dad, leaving the three of them for the time being. And he'd been worried about hurting Mae's feelings and feeling dejected because she didn't want to sleep with him. What the hell was wrong with him, he wondered.

Something had to be wrong with him, he decided. Everything had been upended when she came back into his life. He hadn't thought much about her in the 3 years since she broke his heart. He hadn't wanted to think about her. And then he was slammed with all of it at once. Now he found himself making decisions he wouldn't have considered before when it came to her. But again, it seemed so one sided. After their arguments, their discussions and those turbulent months, he knew exactly how he felt about her. Mae on the other hand, he wasn't sure if it was love, lust or a strange longing that kept her coming back.

So it was a reprieve when he looked at his phone to find the message: 'do you want to spend the night?' from Mavis. He wanted to, more than he should have. He should have told her no, giving her a little taste of her own medicine but he couldn't deny himself either. Spending the night with her had always been an enjoyable memory. It was a relic from a time when things were better, easier and things between them had yet to get so screwed up. It spoke of a time before their relationship had become physical.

Of course, things could never be like that again. Sharing a bed with his best friend, his best female friend who'd become more, would never be so innocent or so simple. Perhaps being able to feel that nostalgia might make them forget some of the harsher moments in their past. Now, just as she had in those days that seemed so long ago at times, she turned to him and whispered that silly statement.

Dean cleared his throat. "We just got into bed, Red."

"I know but I can't sleep."

"I have a solution for that but I get the feeling you aren't up for it."

He was only half right; her desire was only minimally diminished by her discomfort. The real issue was in her mind. She had yet to reconcile the two parts of her, the desire for him and the need to keep him safe. She hoped that it would somehow resolve itself but laying with him now, she knew it wouldn't. They would have to talk about her problem eventually.

Instead, she deflected it. "You smell really good. Did you put cologne on?"

"No… I just… soap?"

She didn't believe him but she like the smell. It was warm, subtle and wouldn't over power their sleep. She liked the way it felt lying next to him, even if they weren't touching yet. She could feel the warmth radiate from his body. She wasn't quite ready to admit just how much she liked sleeping with him yet. He was actually a pretty good bed mate.

"Well you still smell good." She sighed, "It's been such a weird day. I'm really sorry for—"

"No. If you won't let me apologize, I'm not going to let you. Let's just call this… I don't know what to call it. Hell, I don't know what to call anything that involves both of us."

"Likewise."

He turned on his side now, realizing whether she could get to sleep or not , she didn't want to sleep right then. "Not to sound too…too much like a chick here but what _is_ this?"

It wasn't unusual for him to be a little more open with her than he normal was but his discomfort in talking about the one thing they tiptoed around somehow made it seem more normal. "I don't know. I just know that I feel something for you I shouldn't, not when you add everything up and think about it. I've tried to grab on to everything else but I keep coming back to this. I guess that doesn't answer your question."

"No but I feel the same way so… I suppose this is whatever we make it."

He was right. She knew he was right. She also knew the question he didn't ask but wanted to was what would they make of it. "You make me nervous."

"What?" The sentiment came out of left field for Dean. He wasn't sure what he did to make her nervous in any sense of the word. He assumed that he was doing just the opposite.

"Being around you, it makes me nervous because I can't seem to stop myself. I can't turn this off. I'm not sure that I ever could unless something horrible was happening. And the only thing I know is I'm going to make you miserable and second guess yourself and you really should trust your first instinct and stay the hell away from me since I'm the sort of girl who sleeps with your dad."

The woman was neurotic, more than most women he'd spent this long with. Well, he corrected, he had never known a woman this long. And the one thing he knew they had in common was that he couldn't turn this off either. He wanted to reassure her, he wasn't going to turn her away and he wasn't going punish her for the past. "But you didn't sleep with him. You… had something less than a drunken one night stand. It was a spell, not something you wanted. And besides pushing you away wasn't my first instinct. I wanted to fight it out with you 'til we got things figured out. That's always my first instinct with you."

It made her heartache. "Fuck. I really screwed this up, didn't I?

"No," he said it with just a hint of a laugh, "I thought for a long time that if things were different, if we did something… but no. How could we have done this any different given what we had to work with?"

"I hate it when you're the rational one."

"Don't worry, it'll be your turn next."

She chuckled self-consciously, turning into the pillow. "I'm a mess Dean. I know you get part of that. I know it's not a shocker but you don't know how much."

"Yeah, I've been picking up on that. You know… I'm not exactly… you know, perfect. So… I just have this feeling like we're supposed to be together. I don't get it all the time either but occasionally I can see why I feel that way."

"You're more there than I am… I…" She wanted to tell him what was weighing so heavily on her mind then, he deserved to know but she couldn't get the words out, "I'm not ready."

"Ready for what?"

"Whatever it is you want."

He frowned, frustrated. He and Mae were usually on the same page but he couldn't figure out what she was talking about this time. "I don't… did I say I wanted something? I want you to be honest with me. I want to be honest with you. And I want us to deal with the things bothering us. I'm not good at walkin' on eggshells around you and I don't like to do it. And I don't want to go back and forth with you. I don't want one day for us to be fine and the next leave me wondering if you're going to run off. Now, if that's too much, tell me now."

She was quiet. It made him worry that she might actually say it was too much for her. "No," She finally said, "it's not too much but…" another sigh broke her speech as she realized he was going to make her say it, "okay this is gonna sound weird, maybe a little simple but I'm not ready for this to go further. I'm not ready to have sex with you."

Dean was going to have to learn to stop being surprised when her thoughts went off in an unexpected direction, he decided. It had been on his mind but she couldn't blame him for that and he hadn't been forcing the idea. Flirtatious, yes but not forceful. "Is that what this about? I mean, really?"

"Yeah," she whispered, saying it out loud made her feel stupid but she couldn't make the feeling go away, "everything between us has kind of boiled down to that, hasn't it?"

"No. Wait, do you think that? I… wow." He didn't have enough time to formulate the right response. He had always considered her and their relationship to be more than that. She was a girl he enjoyed being with even without the prospect of sex. He knew her well enough to enjoy any time they spent together, when they weren't fighting anyway.

"I could be wrong but if we hadn't started sleeping together when I was so young, I think things would have been different for us, for me. Maybe we would have been different. But I didn't want you to find some other girl who'd actually put out, who was maybe more… ready."

He hated that she felt that way. Even when he wanted sex more than almost anything, he didn't want to hurt her to get it. And yeah, he might have slept with another girl who was more ready but he probably would have waited because he loved her. "Mae, sweetie…you never said any of this. If I'd known…" He didn't know what he would have done.

"You wouldn't have been 17 and horny?"

Her tone was humorous and he knew she wasn't blaming him for any of it. He wanted to reassure her. "I would have waited."

"Well, I don't know that I would have believed that at the time. I barely believe it now. And I'm not saying that you forced me or anything like that. You didn't pressure me. I mean, I _wanted_ to, I just wish in retrospect that I'd waited longer… I was pressuring me and… if that's just beginning. Then the whole thing with your dad, spell or not… and the spell you and I got caught up in… sex isn't my biggest strength right now. I just think I need to put my libido on hold for a while."

"Put your libido on hold? Did you really just say that to me?"

She tried to laugh with him but wasn't quite able to commit to it. "I'm trying to be honest with you here. I don't wanna offer up something that frankly freaks me out."

He reached across the gap between them to take her hand, running his thumb over the ring she continued to wear. "Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah."

"Have you been with many men?"

"Dude! I can't tell if you're calling me a slut or a prude and which one would be worse coming from you. I've been with enough guys, okay? But I haven't been with a lot of men I actually care about, I actually love. Just two. I would love to be able to screw you and be done with it but… you do something to me and I can't keep my feelings separate from any sex we might have. Maybe that makes me too girly but… but I just can't detach."

"Was I asking you to do any of that?"

"Well… but I mean, you have to be thinking it. I'm thinking it and I know how I feel, what I want. I just know that listening to desire alone isn't going to turn out well."

There was something about her request that was a bit simplistic, a bit innocent in fact, but it was something he had to listen to.

"Mavis, I'm not sure where you got the idea that I enjoy sex when only one of us really wants it but I absolutely don't. I'm didn't come over because I thought you wanted a quick lay or even because I thought I might get lucky. I've told you before; I realized there are dozens of other women I could find for a one night stand and believe me, it's occurred to me but it didn't appeal to me as much. I'm not sure why this is an issue for you."

"I'm not either but it is and you said what you wanted was honesty. Whatever else this might end up being, you wanted it to be honest. So I'm being honest and I'm telling you what I need this to be too. Right now, I need sex to be off the table."

"What about in the shower?"

His poorly planned joke earned him a jab in the ribs. "Ouch. Okay, fine, in all seriousness, that's fine. I can deal with that."

"Really? You don't want to have sex?"

"I didn't say that. I said I was okay with not having it for now, for the sake of us getting along. And because you asked me to."

That last part made her smile, made her glad she'd confessed some of her fears to him. Since he was still holding her hand, she grasped it and brought his hand up to her lips. "You're a pretty good guy Dean." She said, pressing a kiss to his knuckles, only because in the dark she couldn't tell what parts of his face were scratched up.

"Well don't let it get around. I still have a reputation to worry about."

She smirked to herself for a moment before yawning.

"Are we good?" He asked, squeezing her hand lightly.

"Yeah."

Dean kept hold of her hand as he rolled onto his back, taking her with him. She curled against him, her head resting against his shoulder. The dark room was quiet and almost perfect. Dean thought so anyway. He didn't understand what made her nervous some times. The woman could face down demons, monsters and ghosts but she was afraid of getting too close too soon.

He wouldn't have thought that would be what would catch her up. He thought of her as more comfortable with sex. Of course, he couldn't claim it would have been just sex with her either. Mae was different, special and there was no way they could pull this off as a casual fling or friends with benefits. When he thought about, not that he'd had a great deal of time to reflect on it and not that he would come out and tell her, her no sex idea might have been a good one.

A year ago, he never would have imagined things would be like this. He never would have believed that he would see her again, he would be able to forgive her or that he would learn the truth about the past. Even six months ago, he wouldn't have assumed he would end up sharing a bed with her and hoping to continue that practice.

He gave her hand another squeeze as he closed his eyes. There was still one thing left for him to ask however. "Hey Red? One more thing."

"What?" She asked quietly.

"Will you start hunting again, with Sam an' me?"

The End

* * *

A/N- For reals, the end! I made the choice to end this early because frankly, it didn't many responses—good, bad or indifferent. I know the organization was kind of weird but I can't really tell if people are still interested in following whole story. So if you want more, you gotta let me know! Leave a comment, send me a message, anything! Show a girl some love!


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